How to discuss homebirth with OB

[dancingmama]

Hello there! I just found out I'm pregnant with #1 and I'm so excited! I feel very strongly about having a homebirth. However, my gynecologist (OB/GYN) is a friend of mine and especially my husband's. She has indicated that she would be willing to care for me prenatally even if I have a homebirth, but she is strongly against it. I wouldn't necessarily even follow with an MD, but dh feels strongly about it so I don't really mind. But my question is this -- we have an appointment next week to discuss birth options and I'm afraid that I am not going to be able to answer her objections with eloquance and with back-up of literature and facts. I'm afraid that everyone will roll their eyes when I say I'm not so sure I want an ultrasound. I'd really like this to be a productive meeting, and not intimidating. Any suggestions for good medical research/reading material? Any ideas that have worked for any of you? Thanks so much!

[Erin Pavlina]

As a vegan, I had to face a lot of questions and some opposition for my choices when I was pregnant. I even had one doctor storm out of the room when she found out I was vegan. She asked that I make my next appt with another doctor.

If there's one thing I learned during my vegan pregnancy it's how to approach people with my "different" ideas.

The trick, I found, is to make sure you dont' sound like you're calling their expertise into question. You may be right, but if the doctor thinks you are insulting them it only engenders harsh feelings.

Since I also declined many of their tests and had to explain all that too, here's what I said, "I know most people get this test, so it may come as sort of a shock to hear that I'm going to skip it this time around. I've given it a lot of thought and done some research and I just don't think it's for me."

If they try to coerce me I simply say, "I understand, but I've made the decision not to."

If they keep blabbering on about it I say, "Sure, I understand. However, I'm not going to take the test. I'm sure it must seem odd to you, but don't worry about me. I'm certain of my decision."

Or something to that effect. First I gave them acknowledgement that I heard them, then I imformed them that I made a different decision and that I was very comfortable with that.

might work in this case too. Good luck!

[mamallama]

Would your OB attend the birth, or just provide prenatal care?

Henci Goer's book The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth is a good resource. Also A Good Birth, A Safe Birth by Diana Korte.

[laurabell]

re

I don't think it's a good idea to have an OB/GYN that's not supportive of your homebirth even if she is a friend. There will be enough people trying to discourage you here and there without the added burden of your caretaker being one of those people. I think she should be the one you can talk to about your concerns and she doesn't seem to be the one. She's coming from a field in medicine that teaches her that birth is complicated so I would think long and hard about having her be you caretaker. And I think you may be disappointed if you think you can go in there and convince her that homebirth rocks. You might want to check out midwives instead or find out which OB/GYN in town is supportive of homebirth. Best of luck.

[dancingmama]

Thanks for your thoughts everybody. This OB/GYN has offered to do my prenatal care, but would not be present at the birth. And the more I think about it, the more I think that's not really the way I want to go about this -- I'd rather have the midwife who will be present at the birth doing all my care, it makes much more sense. And I don't think having an OB/GYN in addition to a midwife following me would do much besides produce anxiety as I will probably need to explain and defend every decision not to do this test and that test.... I guess she's just very concerned about me and my husband and wants to "discuss birth options" with us, and I'll listen respectfully.... Thanks all!!!!

[karenpl]

I totally agree with you that having a midwife do the prenatal care would be much much better. In your case, I wouldn't even bother with the talk about birth options with the ob/gyn, since it sounds like she isn't going to be on one line with you about them anyway. I would tell her that you have made your decision after a lot of research and that you are totally comfortable with it. That you can see how she would make a different decision, but that you feel that this is the right decision for you.

You could always give her the 'obstretical myths versus research realities' or the other Henci Goer book that somebody else mentioned already in this thread. I wouldn't go into a discussion with her about the whole issue, since she is in such a different position and would see birth way more as a medical event than it really is.