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MIL who doesn't listen...what will you do with your junk toys this xmas? - Page 4

post #61 of 96
12/22/04 at 4:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatzMama
Speaking of catalogues - anyone know of a great Canadian one I can send to MIL for next year? She seems to only want to buy out of the Sears catalogue, so maybe if I can get other catalogues for her that would work (they're very rural, and don't often do their shopping in the city).
I think Magic Cabin ships to Canada.
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post #62 of 96
12/22/04 at 5:08pm
Just wanted to add my experience....we have received 3 large boxes from MIL so far, and hear that another may be on its way. I would much rather she save the $$ and come visit instead. (Of course when she does, she talks about how DD has "a million" toys...which she so does not, but gee, maybe some of them came from YOU????)

If I ask her to buy fewer, higher-quality gifts she will probably buy some higher-quality gifts but will also keep sending tons of plastic junky stuff, too. So I really don't know what to do at this point. She sent DD 14 birthday presents...some of them were really small, but still. DD hasn't played with any of them that I know of, so they will probably go away in January.

I agree it's important to be gracious, but this exuberant giving is more about the giver than the recipient. Even my stepmom, who is so into Christmas you would not believe it, has restrained herself and sends only 3 or 4 gifts. I have counted more than 15 from MIL so far. She does the same thing to a lesser degree with DH and I - sends a lot of stuff we don't really like or want. DH is an only child so DD is MIL's only grandchild...that might have something to do with it.

I really wish she would stop because I know she can't afford it and i'd much rather her spend the money on visiting us. But I don't really know how to talk to her about it or even if it would do any good. She lives far enough away that we can exchange things or give to Goodwill, but she will have still spent the money. It's not going to make DD love her any more than she already does, you know?
post #63 of 96
12/22/04 at 6:20pm
Of course it's the thought that counts! And when that thought is, "I love you and I gave great thought as to what would bring a smile to your face," then, of course, you smile graciously and say thank you. But when that though is, "I know you didn't want this, but I know better than you, and I want to change you," well, then you get a little irked.

This is DD's 1st Christmas, and everyone ASKED for her list back in September, so we made a big list with things in many different price ranges, emphasizing clothes and books and contributions to her college fund. Certain members of our families take great joy in buying the presents that they think will most annoy the parents, and I made clear YEARS before we had children that that wouldn't fly in our house. I'm not sure what I'll do if people still, after all that, buy the most gaudy, obnoxious choking hazards they can find. I want to smile nicely and say thank you, and then return the items after Christmas, but I don't want to have to do that every frickin' year.

Plus, my biggest concern is that if people have such a blatant disregard for my parenting views IN FRONT OF ME, what sorts of things are they going to try to hide from me? Feeding my infant age-inappropriate, possibly allergenic food when I'm not looking? Slapping her hand when she reaches for their glasses?

I must ponder this further, as this is a very sensitive issue for me...
post #64 of 96
12/22/04 at 6:39pm
It depends on what the junk toys are what will happen to them. Some of them become sandbox/outdoor only toys. Some are slowly-before DD can notice--placed in a box in the attic for donation. Yet some, DD's favs, are kept until she tires of them and they can be shipped off for donation. Dh and I don't really want our children playing with plastic toys in our home, but we do have to give a little when it comes to the inlaws and our DD. Btw, this year DD has asked everyone (including santa) for a barbie doll : argh!!!!!
post #65 of 96
12/23/04 at 4:50am
mamahippo I think your wise and have a fun sense of humor thanks for the advice.Darcy mommie to Alora
post #66 of 96
12/23/04 at 5:57am
My MIL is one of the clueless as well, to my endless frustration. She can afford to buy the wonderful natural toys we could never afford, yet she still shops at Walmart and Target for plastic crap (this is the same woman who once told me she prefers plastic forks to metal because they are "cleaner"). Anyway, what we do is collect all the crap in a bag and when we get a good bit, take it to the baby resale shop and trade it for clothes. You lose some value, buy hey.. Who can't use some new (used) clothes? Another thing I did was make a wallet card with a super cute picture of ds that said "Hey Grandma! Before you shop, these are the things I like: Toys; wood or natural fibers, no plastc or polyester. Clothes: etc..." BUT! I chickened out and never gave it to her. Good luck!
post #67 of 96
12/23/04 at 7:58am
We always got lots of noisey toys from relatives. Last year my parents gave our baby a singing Christmas tree that's loud, annoying and (worst of all) used. They had it for a couple years. When we opened the box it's full of dust. Actually their stuff are so bad I almost couldn't believe they bought them. When I opened a bag with a Spongebob toy in it I blurted out "Who gave you this?" Mom was annoyed and said she bought it from toy store of course. I later begged her to take it back and she finally agreed.

This year my parents won't be spending the holidays with us so they sent us a big pile of gifts, and told me to wrap them up and decide which should go to who. I already gave away a lot of those and switched and exchanged some of them. Looks like the kids will get OK gifts from grandparents this year.
post #68 of 96
12/23/04 at 2:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennisee
Of course it's the thought that counts! And when that thought is, "I love you and I gave great thought as to what would bring a smile to your face," then, of course, you smile graciously and say thank you. But when that though is, "I know you didn't want this, but I know better than you, and I want to change you," well, then you get a little irked.
EXACTLY!! or the thought "I know you don't want this, and I don't really want/can't buy you anything anyway but *I have too* so here's the cheapest crap I could find" this is what seems to come from my aunt. She's wonderful, but her gifts are totally thoughtless no where near age appropriate. She sent 4yr ds and x-large adult sweatshirt because it had veggietales on it
it's not that veggie tales are bad, or that the shirt is from the thrift store (I think it's great to recycle) but it'll fit dh!! I've told her time and time again the kids LOVE homemade. She sent my dh an ice cream bucket full of rice krispie treats, his absolute fave. The kids would love it if she sent them some home made cookies, or a crocheted blanket etc... the box of stuff I just opened from her looked like what you'd expect to see being sent to the thrift store. Nothing age appropriate.
post #69 of 96
12/23/04 at 11:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaHippo
My mom got my son some Peek-a-Blocks for xmas. Those are pretty cool, even from an evil empire such as fischer price. The little plastic blocks have little animals, or scenes inside, and my son loves chewing on them and peeking inside at the little things.
Lisa
My mom has a set of blocks from when I was a baby that look just like those things! It freaked me out a bit to see the F-P had knocked off one of my baby toys!
post #70 of 96
12/24/04 at 10:59am
My mom has been great about helping us out w/ buying things for ds, but sometimes we get the ridiculous junk toy. I usually put it in the garage & give it away with our next donation of stuff to various organizations. Most of the time she asks what to get but sometimes she impulse buys. Most of the junk stuff is stuffed animals.
post #71 of 96
12/24/04 at 11:24am
I'm actually pretty good at figuring out where the crappy toys come from and return them for store credits, which I use to buy toys that I'd rather DD have.
post #72 of 96
12/25/04 at 1:53am

So we did xmas with my mom early...

She said "I didn't think it was a lot of stuff!" But there were at least 10 toy gifts + clothes + stocking stuff.

And although I normally never peek, I told her I'd really rather not have surprises and could I see what she got. I turned away most of the plastic stuff (kept a set of squeezable blocks Evie plays with at a friends house that I know she loves)... several choking hazards... the giant playground ball... and nearly burst into tears at the fact that my bought a gorgeous doll for my 9 mo. old when I had specifically told her I was really looking forward to getting her her first doll for her bday in April. My mom seemed to listen to me, amazingly, and apologized.... So we brought home a good bit less plastic, and Evie will get the doll from my mom next christmas instead. We also talked about why I don't like Fisher-Price and plastic toys, and why I don't want Evie to have heaps of toys, so hopefully future gift giving will be more toned down! And I don't have any junk toys to get rid of immediately at least!
post #73 of 96
12/25/04 at 2:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mihelinka
My mom has been great about helping us out w/ buying things for ds, but sometimes we get the ridiculous junk toy. I usually put it in the garage & give it away with our next donation of stuff to various organizations. Most of the time she asks what to get but sometimes she impulse buys. Most of the junk stuff is stuffed animals.
Stuffed animals is a big problem with us too. My IL's are crane-game obsessed, so everytime we're anywhere that has a crane-game dd ends up with another cheesey looking, cheap stuffed animal. Perfect example: two days ago we went to lunch at Pizza Hut and FIL leaves the table and comes back with a bright orange polar bear looking thing and not a natural material to be found inside or out : But, BIL and his wife did get dd a really soft teddy bear (no plastic eyes or anything) for Christmas.

I am a little disappointed about the F-P plastic ball spitter outer thing that was given to dd by a member of my coven. I guess that one is going to the consignment shop.
post #74 of 96
12/25/04 at 3:14pm
What's wrong with F-P? I don't like the loud, obnoxious ones, but most of their stuff (peekablocks, little people) seem pretty benign to me. DD love to make up stories about where they're going, etc. What am I missing here? Is it 'cuz they're plastic?

Happy Holidays all!
post #75 of 96
12/25/04 at 3:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by CryPixie83
Stuffed animals is a big problem with us too. My IL's are crane-game obsessed, so everytime we're anywhere that has a crane-game dd ends up with another cheesey looking, cheap stuffed animal. Perfect example: two days ago we went to lunch at Pizza Hut and FIL leaves the table and comes back with a bright orange polar bear looking thing and not a natural material to be found inside or out : But, BIL and his wife did get dd a really soft teddy bear (no plastic eyes or anything) for Christmas.

I am a little disappointed about the F-P plastic ball spitter outer thing that was given to dd by a member of my coven. I guess that one is going to the consignment shop.

Was it a pitching machine? Our son has one and just loves it, he'll play for hours hitting those balls with his bat. He's gotten so good at it he can hit them over the house now.


-Heather
post #76 of 96
12/25/04 at 3:39pm
UGH SIL got my son the plastic ball spitter outer thingy last year. HATED it. So I gave it away.
post #77 of 96
12/26/04 at 2:12am
The only problem I have with F-P is just their relentless marketing of stuff to kids. Aren't they also part of the corporation that owns one of the formula brands as well? I think i read that somewhere... But I really like the Peek-a blocks, and my son also got the Little People Noah's Ark with animals for xmas from nana. He loves them, even at 5 mo. I do like that the little people also show women being firefighters, and many colors of people.
post #78 of 96
12/26/04 at 11:20am
My M-I-L doesn't get the kids a bunch of toys. She buys them ultraconservative clothes in whatever size she thinks will fit (and is commonly wrong). Khakis, sweater vests and button-ups for the boys, dresses for the girls. It's actually funny, because she buys almost the exact same thing every year, and in several cases it has been the exact thing. Like, she bought oldest dd a dress a few years ago that she outgrew, and younger dd was wearing it until she also outgrew it recently, and now she has the same exact dress that she just outgrew... in the same size she just outgrew! Nevermind that I told mil that she's in a size 5, and she bought a four...

These go promptly to goodwill. What do I want my 3 month old in a sweater vest and button up shirt for?!

The junk toys come from my dad, however, he always asks what to get the kids, and I tell him, and he does get those things... but then he gets carried away at the toy store, and gets a bunch of other stuff, too. He has such FUN with it, though. And when he gets something with a gajillion little plastic pieces, I tell him that as soon as they're left on the floor, they'll go in thr trash or get packed up to give away, he says that's fine, as long as they get to have fun with the things for 10 mins or whatever. As long as he thinks it's worth it for the short-term, I'm ok with it.
post #79 of 96
12/26/04 at 2:50pm
I'm pretty delighted, overall, with how Christmas gift-getting went. MIL only got my ds one Learning Leapfrog deal. Otherwise, it was boots, gloves, and books. It's too bad that her "main" gift was the one we hated. Unfortunately, it came out of the box right away. We've thought about leaving electronic gifts at her house, but ds spends a good amount of time there (5-10 hours/week), and I don't really want him into Elmo, period! Even if it is out of my sight. The marketing drives me bananas. MIL obviously took into account our little wish list for ds, as evidenced by the majority of her purchases. However, she disregarded most of it with her "big" gift (no plastic, few batteries, no TV characters, open-ended, something more than one kid can play with at a time).

I really think that a previous poster hit the nail on the head: she's been marketed to, and really believes this thing will teach him songs and his ABC's, and that it's good for him. I decided to let it be around for a couple of weeks, then decide what to do with it. However, it had put it on a high shelf (along with the "free" stuffed Elmo) by 7AM this morning (12/26). Just watching ds with it for 10 minutes made me sad!!

Ds got a huge box from his great grandmother at her house, which was a plastic, electronic "learning" table thing (aged 6mo+ for my 22mo). Ick!!! Thank goodness we didn't have to take it out of the box there! Dh's aunt has an in-home daycare, and I'm sure she and MIL helped Great Grandma pick this toy. We are returning it this week. We have a little house and are going to be deliberate in what toys are influencing our children. I haven't decided whether to just write a thank-you note and go about my merry way, or let her know what we exchanged the table for (and possibly a line about why?). We got plenty of wonderful toys, and I will be gracious and sweet to GMIL. She makes an enormous effort to buy all of her children, grandchildren, and now great grandchildren just what they want for the holiday. Maybe next year, I will "get to her" before MIL and Aunt, and get her going in a better direction.

The funny thing about all of the family on Dh's side is that they DO buy ds books and such, but usually pretty bad ones. It's hard to understand how people can go wrong with books, but they sure do! Their books show "meals" of ice-cream and cake, feature my ds by displaying his photo on every page of a story about Noah's Ark (?), have paper pages that can easily tear in my ds's hands, and are just plain goofball! My MIL used to write in every book she gave ds - making them impossible to return. Interestingly, she got two really good books this year for Christmas, and didn't write in either of them until we approved them. (Maybe because they were more costly?)

My dad and brother did awesome. Dad found the Rosie Hippo catalogue I left at his house and used it exclusively. Brother got two Duplo lego things which will be played with for years and years! Yay family!!!!
post #80 of 96
12/26/04 at 4:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers
Was it a pitching machine? Our son has one and just loves it, he'll play for hours hitting those balls with his bat. He's gotten so good at it he can hit them over the house now.


-Heather
No, it's this thing with a wide funnel at the top that you put hollow plastic balls in and it spits them out the bottom while playing cheesy electronic music.
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