Breastfeeding in front of older children?

[KatieD]

Just a little background: I am now nursing my 6 month old dd but did not nurse my older boys(9,8,6,and 2) for any longer than 3 months. DH isn't very comfortable with breastfeeding in general but thats a whole other story! Anyway I'm very comfortable nursing in front of my sons and dh is NOT! I don't show any boob really and I don't think they even pay too much attention but, dh says it is innapropriate to do it in front of the boys(especially my 9 year old)They sometimes hear him say things to me about them trying to look and that I shouldn't let them see me feeding the baby and I'm really afraid his stupid comments are going to give them a negative image of breasfeeding. I've stood my ground and told him to mind his buisness and I will nurse the baby in front of the boys and he has no say but it's getting old and I'm starting to get offended. Any advice on how to deal with dh? Does everyone nurse in front of their children?
Thanks

[Milakais]

DS is my first, but when I have more children I will nurse them in front of him too. It's important to expose children to breastfeeding so they grow up understanding that that's the way babies eat.

If I were in your position, I would have a serious talk with your DH and let him know that his comments are not appreciated and you are serious about wanting them to stop. You can explain why breastfeeding is so important to you and why you're going to continue nursing your baby around the rest of your family, but whether or not he agrees with you, you have to make it clear to him that him making such comments, especially in front of the other children, is not acceptable. Nursing in front of your older children is not inappropriate... him disrespecting or criticizing you in front of them is.

[annethcz]

I think you're doing the right thing. Breastfeeding is normal- there's nothing weird or tawdry about it.

And, as an added bonus, you're demonstrating to your children the proper care & feeding of babies. And you're also showing your kids the intended use of breasts. So what if they're 'trying to look'? I'm being serious here. All they will see is their sibling having some lunch. And they may see a breast or nipple, being used for its intended purpose.

My oldest child is almost 5, and sees me nurse all the time. I have also nursed in front of the children of friends and in front of my 5th grade Sunday School class (all boys, BTW). If I was doing something wrong or unseemly, I might choose not to nurse in front of others- but all I'm doing is feeding a baby.

BTW, I completely agree with the PP regarding your husband's comments. If it was my DH, I would quickly let him know that his comments are not appreciated or appropriate. You are nursing a baby for goodness sake, not putting on a strip tease. Feeding a baby is not sexual, and there is no reason to hide it.

[bwylde]

I dont' have this issue in my family (seeing as though my older child is still nursing), but I BF around other people's older children and if they ask questions, I answer them (what are you doing, why, ect...). Breastfeeding is entirely natural and people of all ages should be exposed to it, otherwise it becomes taboo. It's hard to change people's attitude about it when they are so negative and I'm sorry your DH has such negative feelings about it. It's a beautiful natural thing. I agree that you need a serious talk about it and find out why he feels the way he does. You really need to get this resolved for your sake.

[Sustainer]

Yes, I breastfeed my infant in front of my 3 (almost 4) year old.

Milakais took the words right out of my mouth:

Originally Posted by Milakais

It's important to expose children to breastfeeding so they grow up understanding that that's the way babies eat.

If I were in your position, I would have a serious talk with your DH and let him know that his comments are not appreciated and you are serious about wanting them to stop. You can explain why breastfeeding is so important to you and why you're going to continue nursing your baby around the rest of your family, but whether or not he agrees with you, you have to make it clear to him that him making such comments, especially in front of the other children, is not acceptable. Nursing in front of your older children is not inappropriate... him disrespecting or criticizing you in front of them is.

ETA: I cross posted with annethcz. I agree: There is no reason to hide breastfeeding!

[Sustainer]

Cross-posted with bwylde, too: I agree with her, too. Great posts in this thread! I'm am nodding along with what everyone else is saying.

Originally Posted by bwylde

Breastfeeding is entirely natural and people of all ages should be exposed to it, otherwise it becomes taboo.

Yes, I forgot to mention that my older child is also still breastfeeding -- I would definitely breastfeed in front of her even if she weren't, though.

[proud mama of 2]

I nurse in front of my son (3 yrs) all the time -- he BF also, knows he did and before Lily was born we talked about it. He doesn't even pay attention to it anymore.

[HelloKitty]

I have a 14 year old and a 10 year old that I BF in front of. DH was a little weird about it at first but he's OK with it now. He will still very occasionally say something if like DS has my shirt completely off or something :LOL then he might say "you might want to fix your shirt a little in case the boys come in" but the boys don't seem to have any issues with it whatsoever. I think it's important for them to see a woman BF'ing as totally natural and normal and not be shocked by it. I don't go around topless, but I don't go in another room or anything either.

Kitty

[paquerette]

Does he just have this issue with bf'ing, or nudity in general? Would it be different to him if your kids saw your breasts because they walked in on you in the shower or something? You might want to have a talk with him about cultivating unhealthy attitudes about the human body, and approach it from that angle.

Also, what about public places? I mean, he doesn't keep your kids from going to the grocery store or restaurants on the off-chance that they encounter some stranger nursing with plenty more exposure than what you're describing, does he? It just seems ironic to ban something in the home that they could perfectly legally see in any public place.

[Dmitrizmom]

I nurse dd (almost 17 months) in front of ds (4 yo on Sunday) ALL the time. and often when dd gets distracted either dh or ds will say, "Back to the boob baby." LOL

I also nurse dd in front of our special occasion sitters who are both 15 yo girls when the need is present.

Also in front of my best friend IRL who thinks that nursing should end "as soon as a child is able to verbalize that they want to nurse."... I'm hoping to lead by example and show her that bf is normal and healthy (she does have some issues with bf because of some sexual abuse she suffered in her teen years).

[annettemarie]

Not only do I nurse in front of my five-year-old, but he frequently comes over and rests his head on the breast as well, and tells me if the baby has a good latch (he can tell because the baby's ears wiggle!)

[lacysmommy]

I think it is important to expose children to breastfeeding, so they know it is normal. I actually try to breastfeed in public because I know it will likely give positive exposure to breastfeeding. I've had so many questions about what I am doing from little kids, and I am so glad! My claim to fame-- two toddlers breastfeed their dolls because of me!

You shouldn't have to hide out somewhere in your own home just because you have older children. Breastfeeding is a totally normal and healthy act, and your children should be exposed to it in a positive light. I'm afraid that they might already have a negitive attitude about it, though, because of the comments of your DH. Even if he never says anything in front of your older children, they will see his attitude about it very clearly. I'm not sure how exactly you can change his attitude about it, but keep trying, mama! You're doing a great job!

[SeanaRain]

When my family got together for Thanksgiving I nursed my 6 month old in front of all three of my step-brothers...ages 15, 12, and almost 9. They didn't really pay too much attention to me as far as I can tell. I figured if anyone was going to "sneak a peak" it would be the eldest, but he just seemed to take it in stride. I was quite proud of all of them. Especially considering that they were all FF.

I'm thinking that your DH has some other issues that need to be resolved before he manages to pass them on to your DC.

[bec]

Not only did I nurse my first in front of older kids (my BIL is 15 now. He was 11 when my first was born), but I also pumped in front of everyone when I had to with my second.

Exposure is such an important thing to influencing the next generation. I love the fact that I have been able to answer my BIL's questions, and now breastfeeding seems completely normal and right to him. It wouldn't even register on his radar if it hadn't been for his exposure to it. Now, he's supportive of it in his own right!

I feel like, if the breastfeeding rates in this country are ever going to improve, then we need to normalize breastfeeding. It needs to bee seen as something that everyone does to feed their babies, if at all possible. We need to put the attitude that it is something shameful, to be hidden, dirty, etc. behind us. It's natural, beautiful, and the best thing for our babies!



Bec

[wende]

Not only do I bf in front of my older children (12, 9, and 6) but they occasionally come over and pretend that they are getting milkies too because it makes the 18 month old laugh.

[jeca]

My son is seven and I BF in front of him. I think it is teaching him that BF is normal and nothing to eb ashamed of. I will laso BF in front of any child no matter the age if they are around me. I have never had a problem so far with their parents saying anything to me. I think you need to have a talk with yuor DH and then your sons.

[Peppamint]

Ditto to what everyone else said!

It's a natural thing, and since all my friends BF my dd is always curious about baby bottles in public. She knows the way you feed baby is with breasts!

Good luck!

[soccerchic21]

Hugs to you. I think you are doing the right thing by nursing in front of them. It is natual and you are educating them in the best way.

I only have one now and one on the way but I nurse my daughter who is now 17 months in front of her cousins and friends older children and don't think twice about doing it.

Hopefully the more you do this the more comfortable everyone will be.

[Book Addict Jen]

My DS is 8 & he has no problem. If you treat it as shameful they will percieve it as shameful. If you treat it as normal that is how they will percieve it. It sounds like it is DHs problem not the kids.

[~Nikki~]

It's important to expose children to breastfeeding so they grow up understanding that that's the way babies eat.

I totally agree! When I was about 13, my step-mother gave birth to my half-brother. She had no issues with nursing in front of my siblings and I. I'll admit, I was a tad freaked out the first time I walked into the living room to see her "airing herself out" after a feeding, but it really helped me to realize that breastfeeding was normal. My mother didn't BF me, and none of my aunts BF'd their children. I was never exposed to it as a younger child, and would probably have joined the ill-informed formula feeders "just because that's what you do", had I not seen my step-mother breastfeed. She was a major BF'ing advocate (we had this picture on our fridge of a larger, topless women BF'ing her twins, that my step-mom had cut out of the newspaper and thought it was fantastic) and really paved the way for me to BF my own child, despite the negative response from my "real" family.

So imo, go ahead and nurse in front of your boys! Maybe it'll teach them that it's ok to be supportive of their wives who want to BF, when they one day have children. You never know what your kids are going to retain, so teach them by example every chance you get!