Breastfeeding in front of older children? - Page 2

[Firemom]

I absoulutely nursed in front of my son.

The good thing is both of my children who are now 8 and 11 have a healthy idea of what the breasts are for.

They are going to be exposed to the sexualization of the breast soon enough and what better to start them out young knowing what they are truly suppose to be used for

[callmemama]

I just want to offer hugs and encourage you to continue breastfeeding in front of your sons. It sounds like your husband has some issues of his own; it would be a shame if he passed them on to the older boys. Hopefully, seeing you nurse will help to normalize breastfeeding for them, and maybe for your dh... Would he be open to "education", World Health Organization recommendations, etc?

[girlndocs]

I whip it out on a regular basis not only in front of my 5-yo son but also my 16-yo nephew & 15-yo niece. So I guess all I can say is, I agree with everyone else :LOL

[mum2 4]

Your DH really needs to do some serious thinking about his attitude and why he feels so strongly about bf being a negative influence on his sons. There may be many other "normal" issues he could inadventently pass on to them as well. Perhaps talking to a professional would help him uncover the root.
As everyone says bf is normal, natural and the Show and Tell aspect of teaching your boys the natural way to parent by nursing with them nearby is simply part of growing up with a healthy attitude.
When our first was born, bf was a surprise to Dad. At six months he announced I must wean as baby was leering at me! Wow, said I, a baby's brain is not mature enough to be leering! but Dad's feelings were very strong and he kept pressuring even though I retreated to baby's room for feeding and said I was not a hose with a faucet that could be turned off at will. Out of consideration, I did wean by 7 months and felt awful. baby #2 was a girl and nothing was said as she reached the 7 month mark but being an equal op Mom, I weaned her as well. #3 was a premie boy who bf for a year and for 31 days, Dad even carried expressed milk to the NICU and called himself Moo-moo the Milk man. #4 was adopted & bf for almost 3 years so he did outgrow the "leering" phase but never really delt with the underlying causes. This has led to many unhappy times for him...

[Jennisee]

I nurse in front of my 13 yo brother all the time. I agree w/ everyone else who said that, if you act like it's disgusting and shameful, your sons will pick up on that, but if you act like it's natural and normal, then that is how they will perceive it. I hope you're able to get your Dh to come around.

[doctorjen]

I'm trying to imagine how I could manage to not nurse in front of my older kids?
Last night I was baking cookies with the kids, and older ds had a friend over and they made a batch up for me too. He is 16, and so is the friend. Friend is a youngest child himself, and doesn't really know much about babies, although he puts up with the younger crew at our house admirably. I was helping dd make one batch, trying to watch ds make chocolate dipped pretzels, and nursing little dd off and on - so all of us were in my small kitchen. Then I needed older ds to run to the store for me. I was trying to scribble a list with dd nursing, while walking around my kitchen, and her legs kept slipping so I was having a hard time with my list. Ds said "here, I'll help!" and came over and held little dd steady so she could stay at breast while I wrote out the list. Guy friend was 3 feet away from my ds holding up my nursing dd, and nobody even batted an eye! And little dd thought it was hilarious to have ds hold her (especially since I had yanked her off and set her down a few times to rescue one of the other ones from sure baking disaster in the previous 15 minutes!)
Now granted, we aren't a very modest family in other areas either, really. But still, breastfeeding is as much a normal part of our daily family life as putting food on a plate at dinnertime, and no one thinks any more of it. I hope my children will grow up thinking breastfeeding as so normal they can't imagine any other way to nuture a child. And hopefully the random kids my children drag home with them will get a little of the same experience!

[Meiri]

I nursed in front of DS, who was 8 when his sister was born, from day one. He thought nothing of it, thinks nothing of it. That's simply how babies are fed and what breasts are for.

Perhaps your DH needs some counselling for the issues he is projecting onto the act of FEEDING a baby? He is projecting shame onto something for which that is wholey and completely inappropriate.
Is it shameful for him to eat? then why is it for the baby to eat?
Is it shameful for others to see him eat? then why is it for others to see the baby eat?

ETA: thought that just occurred to me: If my DH tried that crap on me, it'd be a cold day on the sun itself before he'd get to see my breasts in any Other context again. They're baby feeders, accept that and enjoy any side benefits, but they are babyfeeders FIRST.

[MarineWife]

I breastfeed in front of my 13yo ds. There are many times when I sit on the couch with my breast completely exposed in front of him. He looks. So what? He is not sexually attracted to me nor is he "turned on" by seeing my breast. It's perfectly healthy for your son's to be curious about what you are doing. Nothing wrong with them looking. I think you need to talk to your dh about his issues and tell him he needs to get over it. I would be very angry if my dh acted as if breastfeeding any baby was shameful in front of my other children regardless of age or gender.

[SagMom]

I've always nursed in front of my kids (and anyone else who happened to be around.) In fact, the only time I wasn't nursing in front of ds (who's now 13) was for a couple of months when he was around 8 or so, as I didn't have a nursling then. I can tell you that he couldn't care less if my chest is exposed. He knows what breasts look like, he knows what they're for, and he has no interest in MINE.

Do you have any irl friends who have nursed? Would their dh's talk to yours? It sure sounds like he's seeing bfing as a sexual thing and he's going to pass that on to your kids if he doesn't change his attitude. Maybe if he could talk to other guys (ones who don't have hang-ups about bfing, of course) he'll begin to see things differently.

[Sustainer]

I love the episode of Mad About You when Jamie is breastfeeding somewhere and a boy walks in the room, and Paul gets in between them and says to the boy "don't look at this" and the boy says "What? The kid's gotta eat"

[velcromom]

If it were my hubby, I'd sit down with him at the computer and take him to 007b.com.

I have always fed my ds2 in front of my now 13 year old son and I don't take any great pains to cover up. He needs to see the normal use of breasts and learn that nursing is just another part of parenting. I notice him looking sometimes but I think that is fine because it's normal to be curious when you are 13 and I'd surely rather his information about women's breasts came from real life, normal, healthy exposure to average breasts than from some airbrushed unrealistic magazine.

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

007b

LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you, sending link on to local AP group now...

[Sandrine]

When dd2 was born I bf in front of my nephews age 5 and 3. They were curious and ask their mom if that was how they were feed that way. I mostly don't mind feeding in front of people except people I don't really know. But if it was my older children, I would do it.

[girlndocs]

Originally Posted by doctorjen

I was trying to scribble a list with dd nursing, while walking around my kitchen, and her legs kept slipping so I was having a hard time with my list. Ds said "here, I'll help!" and came over and held little dd steady so she could stay at breast while I wrote out the list.

That's such a sweet story! I got teary-eyed reading it (nursing hormones ). Thank you for sharing it here.

breastfeeding is as much a normal part of our daily family life as putting food on a plate at dinnertime, and no one thinks any more of it. I hope my children will grow up thinking breastfeeding as so normal they can't imagine any other way to nuture a child.

I completely agree! What a good way to put it.

[orangebird]

Oh my goodness your husband would have a coronary at my house. My 11yo DS still sees my breasts daily and I'm not even nursing anyone anymore :LOL We are very open with our bodies around here, it's a small house with one bathroom, modesty is just not feasable. I don't know what we would do if we were a family of prudes, there are often three of us in the bathroom at a time- one in the shower, one on the toilet and one brushing teeth or shaving or whatever. I have never hid any part of my body from my kids but I will if they ever show signs of being uncomfortable. My boys aren't shy either. I taught them to be modest around others but in our immediate family we are pretty open.

Back on topic, your poor DH needs someway to understand how natural and normal breastfeeding is and thet the boys will suffer no ill concequences from seeing your breasts while you nurse. None whatsoever. I think it is sad that he has those feelings nomatter where they stem from. Don't you stop showing your boys what breasts are for and how babies eat. It is a great part of their education as men, we want adult men who understand what breasts are and, no offence, don't end up another generation like your DH who thinks there is something wrong with what you are doing. Your DH needs to learn, will he read books? How do you think you can introduce the information to him? He really needs a re-education. I hope I don't come across harsh, I just think you are 100% right and he is 100% wrong. I hate to say it like that but it's how I feel about it.

Oh yeah, and BTW, I always nurse nomatter who is around. I don't act differently (about nursing, I do get dressed otherwise when there are guests over) when other children are around. If they haven't seen a baby nurse than I figure it is a great lesson for them. If they are wigged out by a breast, which I have never EVER seen, I would discourage them from watching but if they have a problem with it then I think there is something wrong with the education they are getting. I would never show nudity in ANY other way to other children, but a baby eating is just a baby eating, it is as natural and as innocent as it gets. I am amazed that people would have a problem with their kids seeing it but whatever, it's just going to be more ignorrant adults for our own kids to have to cope with while trying to breastfeed their own children someday. Sad.

[KittyKat]

I nurse in front of my kids. This will be number 5, and we live in a tiny 3 bedroom 1200 sq. ft. house. I've been either PG or BF for the past 7 years, all my kids have been BF, seen me BF their sibs, and know that's how babies eat.

My 6yo DS calls them "baby-nurses" and thinks they are pretty (for example if he sees a nice pair in a catalog or newspaper. He says "She has pretty baby nurses.")

My DDs call them "babyfeeders." In fact, when we were on vacation with my younger sis (who was 18 at the time) she went to the swimming pool bathroom with DD1. She had on a 1 piece suit, so DD saw her chest when she used the toilet. DD said "You have babyfeeders, like my mommy." When my sis told me later I was SO proud of DD. BTW, my mom BF all of us, and was always very open about it. It is definitely due to her example that I am as strongly committed to BF as I am. I want to give my DDs the same confidence in BF, and the same basic assumption that BF is "how babies eat" except in circumstances where there is no other choice but to give a bottle.

My 2 yo still nurses sometimes (much to DH's dismay... he's an only child and was FF, but is supportive of BF as much as he is ready for. He's come a long way!) and calls it ba-ba. Even when I'm not feeling up to nursing, he still loves to lean against me and snuggle.

I have NIP many times. I cannot see how cultural attitudes toward BF will ever change if no one sees anyone BF! I sincerely hope one day seeing a bottle in public will be as rare as seeing someone NIP is now (in my area at least).

[Staceyhsmom1]

I only nursed my now 10yr old ds until he was 5 months old. And now I am still nursing my 21m old dd in front of him. he was shy about it at first, but then got used to it. He is still embarassed if I bf in public, but doesn't say anything to me, I can just tell that he doesn't know how to act. He will now kiss Maegan goodnight on her head if I am bf and he's off to bed.
My dh has always supported me, saying it's normal, he doesn't go on and on about it, but I know I have his support :-)

[Camellia]

I agree with everyone else Not only is it Ok to nurse in front of them, but it is important to nurse in front of them - on so many levels. I think its been well covered in this thread so I won't be redundant :LOL

I just wanted to add that my older sister nursed her daughter in front of me all the time - until she was 2.5. They both lived with us so I saw her nursing very often. I'm so thankful for this because it made bfing normal to me. Your kids are lucky to have you nursing their sibling. Your Dh willing, they will see bfing as the natural normal thing it is

[TiredX2]

I consider it one of my duties as a mother to demonstrate the various components of mothering. The gift of seeing nursing as normal is a great one to give to a son or daughter.

I am currently nursing my 3 yo DS (well, not currently, he actually just fell asleep off the boob, lol) and nurse often in front of his cousins (5-19, bfed 0days-14 months), DH's goddaughters (13 & 15, never bfed), etc...

Good luck. I hope DH can relax about it.

[JoyofBirth]

MY 6 yo nephew used to giggle and make strange comments about a woman's boobies. I think he felt unconfortable because nobody really talked to him about them. WHen my daughter was born, I nursed in front of him and he asked me questions about it. I just explained it to him and since then, he has been so uninterested in breasts. Now that he knows what they're really about, he respects them and they're no big deal. Just tell your dh that he is helping to determine the future of his childrena nd grandchildren. And he needs to grow up and deal with his issues, so they don't become his children's issues.