Anti-soccer Mom

[Momof4]

I am in tears over what a witnessed tonight at a "travel" soccer game. My best friend's son (7 yo) plays on an 8 and under "travel" -- ie competitive -- soccer team (kids try out, there are 2-3 games/practices a week, etc.) Tonight we went to watch. I sat on the sidelines listening to parents shouting -- mostly encouragement, but some disparaging comments, instructions ("get him" was popular) and discussing what their children were doing wrong in the game. Then I noticed a player from the other team who was upset and crying. He was walking away from the team on the sidelines and a woman (I presume his mother, but I am not sure) following him, yelling and pointing for him to return to the team. He refused and she tried to make him physically. WHen I looked back a few moments later one of the coaches from the team was dragging the poor kid by the arm and yelling. there were a group of adults around and pretty much the whole team stopped to watch the coach bully this kid. I got up and started to run in the boys direction and I saw another adult douse the poor kid with a full bottle of water. I started yelling and everybody stopped. I told them that they could not treat a child that way. One man told me "okay, okay, it won't happen again". A woman told me that the boy's mother was right there and said that it was all right for the coach to do what he was doing (many of them were speaking a foreign language -- Russian or Ukrainian maybe). I was shaking I was so angry. Afterwards, I approached the coach of my friend's team to get info on the league rules. When he found out I wanted to make a comlpaint, he wasn't interested in talking to me anymore. He said " Oh, I thought you were interested in the team." When I asked if he had seen the incident, he said, in a very snarky voice, "no, I was too busy coaching." I cannot understand this. How is it that everyone is so nonchalant about this? I am still shking and sick about it.

[bebeh20]

You are so right to have gone out on the kid's behalf. I am married to a Brit, and soccer is huge for us (our child is only 3 yet). Even though soccer is a deep love for him, and he has many wonderful memories from youth, he also has some dark ones.

Please dont' be anti soccer, though! This country's favorites are not exempt from ridiculous behavior. I want to inject here that this goes with most competetive sports. But in European countries, soccer is serious stuff.

You did the right thing. The boy will either be turned off at some point completely to the game, go the opposite way and be a violent freak about it, or be like my husband, a gentle soul with a genuine love for soccer, and who learned how NOT to be with the young kids he has coached. Your behavior, and others like it, will help him make his own choices about what's right, and what's abusive.

Good for you.

[Momof4]

Elise --

Actually, I am not anti-soccer. My 4 yo twins are playing (?!?) on an non-competitive team. Actually, I guess I am just disappointed in the way that parents and coaches handle these "team" sports that are supposed to build teamwork and other good characteristics, And you are right that American sports are certainly not exempt from these kinds of things. It is no wonder our professional athletes think they are exempt from the moral and legal standards of today.

Still, as depressed as I was about the whole thing, I have come around to feeling good about how I interceded.

[ekblad9]

That's insane! That's exactly how it was when my ds1 was in ice skating the parents were horrible then. He was only 3 and they were prepping their kids for hockey. The teacher was mean too. I pulled him out right away. I just don't understand it. It's so much pressure on the little ones. The parents appear to be trying to live through their kids or something. Very sad.

I'm impressed with how you reacted. Great job sticking up for the kid!

[Momof4]

Thanks. Afterwards, I felt very out in the open and vulnerable, like maybe it was my behavior that had been on display. But, then I keep reminding myself that I did the right thing. And truly it does not really matter what other people think of me (although this is hard, since many of the parents there were part of my geographical community -- but not my tribe!), it is the poor child that counts. In the end, my friends contacted their coach, told him what happended and were assured that this kind of bullying was in fact very much against league rules. In fact, the reason why he did not see it was becaue he was following the rule that the other coach was not -- to be in the opposite side of the field from the parents. Had this rule been followed, at least this incident would not have happened. Thanks for the support.

[bebeh20]

I was just going to post a surprise as to why any of the other moms out there didn't back you up! And I was going to suggest to you to definitely contact the league and file a complaint.

Don't you feel proud of yourself now? We all have that post climactic feeling of doubt, but in your case, it was misplaced. You definitely did the right thing.

It makes me so sad to think of what that poor kid has to live with at home.

[Momof4]

I am proud of myself. I think it is very hard to be a maverick -- especially in a community that does not really seem to support your overall values. I am not saying that the other parents supported what the coach was doing-- I am sure would not -- but they chose not to get involved and that is what bothered me. I am a little reactionary in all thing in my life, however, and I sometime let my emotions and gut reactions take me places that perhaps other more cuatious people would not go. Sometimes I worry about this (like the pther night when I had a fight with my in-laws) and soetimes I feel like I have to say WTF and break through that barrier of self-conciousness and just go with myself. It felt very good and very scary to do this in this situation and then understand that there really was no one else out there supporting me. Hoo boy I think this is a little T

[familyman]

we had a coach actually tell his team not to shake the hands of the other team because he disagreed with the call from the ref. i knew this guy was a hot head so direct confrontaion was out so i and several other parents (from both teams) had him banned from coaching by the director.

[lilyka]

Competitive/traveling/club teams are serious stuff around here. Starting in middle school kids start playing on them. practice/games are everyday (including some holidays) and if you think the regular teams are competitive you should see this monster. It is so big here that it is one of the top sorces of revenue for the city. Childrens soccar! My cousins spent over $20,000 a year ion club fees, uniforms and equipment and travel. Insane. I can see how easily a parent could think when you are spending that much money on your kid they better win.

[momnloveit]

My dh loves soccer. We even played on a co-ed city team together. I have to LOL because I am so uncoordinated and I only kicked the ball once. The whole crowd erupted, cheering for me! Anyway, I'm worried about the soccer thing. My ds is 4 and not in any sports yet. In our particular area, they only have games on Sunday, and that doesn't fly with our religion. We might try what my sister did: They rounded up all of their kids' friends for a soccer team. One weeknight a week, they'd have a practice and work on skills, etc. Then on Saturday, they'd have a game, girls against boys, and the parents would PLAY with the kids. This is their 3rd or 4th year doing it, and they love it. The kids and the parents have so much fun and NOBODY is on the sidelines! I thought that was pretty clever!

[lilyka]

What an awsome idea. That is what it is all about!!

[LizD]

What's frustrating is that it is all but impossible to find an environment in which your child can learn sports without this horrible, unsportsmanlike atmosphere. It is also now an anomaly for a child of nine or ten to learn to play a new sport!

A friend visiting from Brazil, where as I'm sure you know soccer is rather a big deal, was appalled by what he saw at his hosts' children's games. "We play in the street at home," is what he said, "and the adults tell us when to come home for dinner, not how to play!"

[3boys4us]

I am a soccer coach (8 and under and 6 and under) and although I coach in a non-competitive league, the behavior you described in not allowed in any league by a coach. I would suggest instead of complaining to another coach, you talk to the league administrators. I think its great that you stood up for the child.

OTH when kids do play in my league, I do hear "Get him" quite a lot. Usually we overlook it. The parents mean no harm, I do usually yell something along the lines of "Get the ball!". It depends on the parents and the coach. I always try to congratulate the other team players as well when they make a good move and try to encourage parents to do the same (they always watch the coach's behavior)

I do not like competitive league playing at this age until they are in high school. There will always be someone who takes it oo far. At this age I think kids should learn the rules and see whether or not they like it. No sport at this age should be a make it or break it ideal.