As usual, my grief overwhelms me at night. I start to get hysterical, I hold it inside so I don't scare my Son or Husband, I feel like I will throw up & like I need to punch myself or bang my head on the wall so that pain will override the pain in my heart. Please don't think Im nuts when I say that... right after my Son Carson died, I banged my head on the wall & hit myself to try & make the pain go away. It didn't work (Obviously) & my Doc put me on tranquilizers. I wont hurt myself, I promise but It would feel better to have a different kind of pain.
Hope you're doing okay today, mama. The nights really are the worst, aren't they? I am in the throes of grief too, and sometimes it really does feel good to just bang on something really hard. I've been there.
It gets a little better everyday, I have moments where I think to myself... "Oh, I gotta tell Papa that," or similar thoughts & it's awful feeling, to realize I can't tell him a damn thing, that I can't call him up & hear him blow me a kiss & tell me, Love you Shell. Ugh.
Yep me too, with my mother. Sometimes I look at her pictures and I simply can't believe it all over again, that I won't ever see her again. It hurts like hell.
I miss her more than words can say.
I hear you fully.
That's death for ya'. We just don't know how to grasp it.