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((((Jerome John Hellman)))) Beloved Papa. - Page 6

post #101 of 108
Thread Starter 
((((Orangefoot))))

Sending you all my love & strength... (it's not much but I'll share what I got.)
post #102 of 108
Thank you.
post #103 of 108
Thread Starter 
As usual, my grief overwhelms me at night. I start to get hysterical, I hold it inside so I don't scare my Son or Husband, I feel like I will throw up & like I need to punch myself or bang my head on the wall so that pain will override the pain in my heart. Please don't think Im nuts when I say that... right after my Son Carson died, I banged my head on the wall & hit myself to try & make the pain go away. It didn't work (Obviously) & my Doc put me on tranquilizers. I wont hurt myself, I promise but It would feel better to have a different kind of pain.

Thanks for reading my 6 pages of ramblings...

Love - R
post #104 of 108
Huge hugs to you mama, your Papa sounds like a wonderful man. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I will be praying that God gives your heart peace tonight and every night
post #105 of 108
Hope you're doing okay today, mama. The nights really are the worst, aren't they? I am in the throes of grief too, and sometimes it really does feel good to just bang on something really hard. I've been there.
post #106 of 108
Thread Starter 
Thanks Mamas...as usual you make my heart smile.

It gets a little better everyday, I have moments where I think to myself... "Oh, I gotta tell Papa that," or similar thoughts & it's awful feeling, to realize I can't tell him a damn thing, that I can't call him up & hear him blow me a kiss & tell me, Love you Shell. Ugh.

I love you Papa!
post #107 of 108
Yep me too, with my mother. Sometimes I look at her pictures and I simply can't believe it all over again, that I won't ever see her again. It hurts like hell.
I miss her more than words can say.
I hear you fully.

That's death for ya'. We just don't know how to grasp it.
post #108 of 108
Thread Starter 
It's been almost a year, just 2 weeks away & I feel the anger & the pain coming on. I miss you so much Papa. I feel broke & twisted & useless...

I You Papa.
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