Originally Posted by awnja
I have to agree with Kay.
I know a woman who did CIO because that's what she was taught was best. Her kids have grown up to be well adjusted, secure, independent and nurturing adults. Her son is LITERALLY a "rocket scientist" and is politically active and her daughter is a graphic designer and figure skater who works with special needs children in her spare time. They come home to be with their parents on a regular basis and have fond memories of their childhood.
I feel bad for this mother when I think of her sitting outside her baby's door, crying, waiting for the baby to stop screaming and go to sleep. Its terrible that she thought she had to do this. I'm sure it was awful for mom, dad and baby and its a wacked practice... but the damage tends to get exagerated. It doesn't destroy a child. There are worse things. For example, if parents were to divorce over cosleeping, that would affect a childhood more than CIO, in my opinion.
Anyway, what Kay said. We should just let people know its not necessary and what the alternatives are. Lets see some studies! Beyond statistics too (good stats tend to find little proof against any sleep arrangement). I'd love to know if, say, GW Bush cried it out.. or if Ghandi did (doubt it).. or Trump.. or Madonna.. or MLK.. That would be interesting.
Speculations that are so easy to argue just hurt the case against CIO.
I think there are good parents who CIO, spank, etc. I don't agree with the practices, but some people are good parents and do them.
That said, I think CIO is the beginning of detached parenting for many and leads to worse parenting because of that.
I wanted to mention something in response to your post.
I know a lot of people who talk about the threat of divorce in relationship to night time parenting. I even have one friend who worried that her marriage may be over one night she slept in a separate bed to co-sleep with her dd.
Now- a man who acted as my surrogate grandfather is from the Sudan. His wife and three kids lived in the Sudan while he worked in the US the majority of his adult life. He returned there maybe every other year for a few weeks. Now in late life his family has joined him and they are happy to be together full time.
How can I explain to this man, who sacrificed everything for his family, that many American couples simply can't stay married if they can't sleep together every night, alone, without interruption.
This man thinks it's funny that Americans need a bed to sleep! He thinks I'm spoiled because I have to have running hot water.
What kind of crazy culture do we have where are relationships are so weak? How can we be so reluctant to sacrifice for our children? How would I explain this to a person on the other side of the world who works 12 hours a day and comed home to a matt on the floor and a 1 bdroom house with 5 kids in it that I'm just "too tired" to hold my 2 year old if she is sad?
I think CIO is bad for parents! It gives them a reason to be closed off from their families and selfish. Why do we want a life like that?