rough few days here for me, mamas...
I was taking domperidone to help increase my milk supply, but it's expensive and I'm not really fond of prescription medications. The side effects are barely noticeable for me, aside from slightly increasing my milk supply, enough to give the babe a snack if we get caught out or away from a bottle for too long. Well, I have one more refill left on the prescription but I thought I'd try weaning off of it and see if my milk supply stays up or if I notice any other changes. I also had to return the breast pump we rented and have yet to purchase a new one. I have a call in today about that, finally. Anyway, about the domperidone, I'm thinking maybe it was doing more than I thought because babe went from nursing every hour during the night at the beginning of the week last week and having a totally sopping wet diaper and getting our sheets wet by 5am to barely sucking for a few minutes every few hours at night the past few nights and having a slightly less than soaked diaper at 8am. I just don't know what's going on. He only nurses for a few minutes on each side now, whereas he was nursing for like 15 minutes at a time on each side before becoming frustrated because the milk must be too hard to get. It makes me cry, mamas... I don't know what I should do. On the one hand, yes, the medication is expensive and I don't really fell like it's halping enough to justify continuing it AND it's a pharmaceutical which I don't know enough about, but on the other hand I just feel so inadequate and like we are taking one step forward and two steps back right now
I've had a couple of other things come up in the past few days that took me by surprise, too. I just learned yesterday that the midwives who attended our babe's birth are parting ways and establishing separate businesses as of March. It makes me kinda sad, especially without knowing even a little bit of an explanation as to why. They only made this decision like a week ago and were surprised when another former client and friend of mine called them to find out if it was true and they learned that the news was out already. I don't want to call them and bug them, but at the same time I want them to I'm thinking of them and even though I may not know the reasons or even understand them, I still love them both and support them in this choice.
And on Sunday, one of my best friends here in Portland finally called me after a few weeks of non-contact. I think about her all the time, and I had this feeling that the reason she was not calling me was because she was pregnant and feeling reclusive like I did last year at this time. Well, when I asked her if she went to visit her husband's family and friends up in Seattle after Christmas (she's a nurse and was supposed to work Christmas Day), she said that although she ended up getting four days off in a row, they decided not to go and stayed home instead. Then she told me that she lost a baby of about 12 weeks gestation on Christmas Eve. She had had some bleeding the week before and had an ultrasound and learned their baby had died. She started miscarrying on Christmas Eve and ended up going to the emergency room on Christmas Day, and finally having an emergency D&C on the 28th. I was speechless. I told her how sad I was for them and that I didn't know what else to say and if she needed to or wanted to talk, she could always call or come over. She said they named him James and buried him in their backyard of their new home. Sad sad sad... I haven't decided what I'm going to do for them yet. On her birthday a couple of years ago, when they were still living at their old house, I bought her a butterfly bush because she likes them so much and saw the ones I had planted at our house. I kind of want to get her another one, but I'm still thinking about other ideas.
Phone call, mamas... gotta go...
sending all of you lots of love