~~~~~~~~~`Written 3 Hours after her birth on October 2nd 2002
I was up all night with crampy contractions that I didnt consider to be painful enough to be productive. I made a big breakfast (didnt eat ...hadnt eatin since lunch yesterday) sent my honey off to work, packed a lunch for my daughter who had a big field trip to go to and waited for my sister to come and take her to school (I was supposed to go on the field trip, and planned on it right up to the last minute) all the while having minute or so long contractions every 10-15 minutes. About 8:40 I started feeling in a hurry. I sent my sister and daughter off, and assured them I'd be fine. My son was quickly placed in front of the TV
P and I got water, my midwife book, lit candles, and ran HOT water .....the contractions were getting closer together and longer...I rolled arrowed in the water and the jets were my only relief. I called DH and my worst fear,,,,,he didnt answer. So after about fifteen minutes where I felt like my head was spinning and thoughts of "I want to go the hospital ....
"I want an epidural" "I just want to go to sleep and do this some other time" were all thoughts that were racing through my head as I reached down and felt her head. I pushed her head back in and called DH and said hurry she's coming.....he said I'll be there in 2 minutes.....by now I had the urge to push but didnt feel like I was ready for her to come out. Each time I pushed I did so reluctantly and each time with my hand on her head. Dh came rushing in and I said "look and see if that is her head" My water had never "officially" broken (that I noticed) and so I wasnt sure if it was her butt, her head, or her bag....my first instinct was it was her head. He looked and said "its her head I see her hair......she's coming" I said "NO I'm not ready......I'm pushing her back in!" he said "no don't push her back ...she is ready to come" "I said no I'm not ready.......I'm not ready" and as I pushed her head back in I felt her body shift up just a tad and felt great relief as I anticipated the next urge to push in a minute or two. The urge came and I pushed.......I had my hand on her head until it was almost out and then I had to get a grip. All the while the jets in bath tub were going strong, the tub was full, and the candles were burning. I pushed and her head came out ..>DH grabbed her head and said "her heads out, she is coming, you're doing great....you're doing it honey!" One more push and her body slid right out he caught her and picked her up and said "look at her honey, she's perfect" I said " NO I can't ....I can't open my eyes" It was like a I was frozen almost like a reaction I could not move. I finally convinced myself to open my eyes. When I did, I looked at her and her face was purplish blue and I said "she is not breathing (she still hadnt cried) what's wrong with her....make her cry." Dh said "no, I'm not going to make her cry" and he handed her to me.......he kept reassuring me that her nose was clean her mouth and throat were clean and she was breathing fine.........but I was uneasy. As soon as he handed her to me she started to cry. I looked at her and came to the reality that she was born and she fine and started to nurse her.
I am still in awe.......it feels like a big science project THAT WORKED ! This is my third baby and I have to wonder what my first two would have been like, had I had more control over my care. I really only felt out of sorts for an hour and it was all happening so fast that the hour seemed more like fifteen minutes. As far as we can tell I did not tear......I have peed (and boy did that sting !) ....I birthed the placenta......I am bleeding slightly as I feed her.......all is well. Couldnt be more perfect.
In the words of my Five year old son (who wanted to know if there was a big hole in stomach now)
" I sure am glad we didnt have to do this at the hospital, then there'd be doctors and stuff and I'd be asking if we could go yet"
I was up all night with crampy contractions that I didnt consider to be painful enough to be productive. I made a big breakfast (didnt eat ...hadnt eatin since lunch yesterday) sent my honey off to work, packed a lunch for my daughter who had a big field trip to go to and waited for my sister to come and take her to school (I was supposed to go on the field trip, and planned on it right up to the last minute) all the while having minute or so long contractions every 10-15 minutes. About 8:40 I started feeling in a hurry. I sent my sister and daughter off, and assured them I'd be fine. My son was quickly placed in front of the TV
P and I got water, my midwife book, lit candles, and ran HOT water .....the contractions were getting closer together and longer...I rolled arrowed in the water and the jets were my only relief. I called DH and my worst fear,,,,,he didnt answer. So after about fifteen minutes where I felt like my head was spinning and thoughts of "I want to go the hospital ...."I want an epidural" "I just want to go to sleep and do this some other time" were all thoughts that were racing through my head as I reached down and felt her head. I pushed her head back in and called DH and said hurry she's coming.....he said I'll be there in 2 minutes.....by now I had the urge to push but didnt feel like I was ready for her to come out. Each time I pushed I did so reluctantly and each time with my hand on her head. Dh came rushing in and I said "look and see if that is her head" My water had never "officially" broken (that I noticed) and so I wasnt sure if it was her butt, her head, or her bag....my first instinct was it was her head. He looked and said "its her head I see her hair......she's coming" I said "NO I'm not ready......I'm pushing her back in!" he said "no don't push her back ...she is ready to come" "I said no I'm not ready.......I'm not ready" and as I pushed her head back in I felt her body shift up just a tad and felt great relief as I anticipated the next urge to push in a minute or two. The urge came and I pushed.......I had my hand on her head until it was almost out and then I had to get a grip. All the while the jets in bath tub were going strong, the tub was full, and the candles were burning. I pushed and her head came out ..>DH grabbed her head and said "her heads out, she is coming, you're doing great....you're doing it honey!" One more push and her body slid right out he caught her and picked her up and said "look at her honey, she's perfect" I said " NO I can't ....I can't open my eyes" It was like a I was frozen almost like a reaction I could not move. I finally convinced myself to open my eyes. When I did, I looked at her and her face was purplish blue and I said "she is not breathing (she still hadnt cried) what's wrong with her....make her cry." Dh said "no, I'm not going to make her cry" and he handed her to me.......he kept reassuring me that her nose was clean her mouth and throat were clean and she was breathing fine.........but I was uneasy. As soon as he handed her to me she started to cry. I looked at her and came to the reality that she was born and she fine and started to nurse her.
I am still in awe.......it feels like a big science project THAT WORKED ! This is my third baby and I have to wonder what my first two would have been like, had I had more control over my care. I really only felt out of sorts for an hour and it was all happening so fast that the hour seemed more like fifteen minutes. As far as we can tell I did not tear......I have peed (and boy did that sting !) ....I birthed the placenta......I am bleeding slightly as I feed her.......all is well. Couldnt be more perfect.
In the words of my Five year old son (who wanted to know if there was a big hole in stomach now)
" I sure am glad we didnt have to do this at the hospital, then there'd be doctors and stuff and I'd be asking if we could go yet"
