I am so exhausted I didn't know how I would pick Rowan up out of my bed this morning. Everything aches with exhaustion. I feel as tired and achy as I feel when I really need to go to bed, and I just got out of bed!!! At least he's happy.
My house is also a mess and such (maybe a common seven-month problem?) and we can now only access the laundry machines in the garage by going sideways through a narrow passage of boxes that should go to the attic. These are empty boxes from the new computer, etc, old schoolwork of dd's, etc. And of course the Christmas decs. At least they're in their box. I just have to get down the outside lights to be able to seal that box up, and move the tree to the compost area until next pick-up day, after I cut off the end to burn next year.
I loathe flylady. To me she is so far off the deep end (no offense) because the focus is on the house. I tried subscribing for, like, five minutes and got about ten times that many emails. As though anyone is sitting by the computer all day waiting for reminders to dust! My thinking is I want the house to be kept up with so I have time for other things I can think about. I have actually found the palm pilot indispensible for housework. I set it to tell me to do certain household things on alternate days, and I actually do them and check them off. And then the litterbox can't get out of control without my at least realizing I haven't done it on time.
It seems to be helping me zip through those few things (mostly cleaning up after the animals and cleaning the floor, which needs to be done so often because of the animals) that are most important to me. With a baby or job or whatever it seems prioritizing is in order if you can't hire help. Pick the few things that really annoy you and just make sure they get done. For me that's vacuuming- also I can breathe when it's done regularly- the litterbox, and the bathroom that visitors use (also dd's bathroom, which doesn't help. I might ask her to move to my bathroom for showering etc so at least it doesn't matter if it's trashed).
Since I have exposed furring strips around my sliding glass door and big patches of spackle on the walls in the family room keeping clean seems redundant. Also I am selfishly hoping our rabbit soon goes to his reward because he is making the patio an unpleasant place to be; in his extreme old age he has begun pooping and peeing everywhere. The poop doesn't bother me but the pee is a real drag.
Last night dh came home from AZ at one am, hurriedly packed a new suitcase, and had to leave again at 6 for miami to work for four days. At least he's staying down there. I don't know how he'd manage that commute this tired. I feel very guilty at times like this. I really, really should go back to work. But I don't make nearly as much money as dh and he tends to think in those terms; that my work is more trouble than it's worth, because of child care and so on, and if I do doula work I can only take two or three clients a month, etc. Still I don't see how money would be unwelcome or go unused. It is a drag with the childcare, though. If I'm at a birth 12 hours I just don't see how I can manage that. Usually I'm not, usually it's no more than 8 at the most (thanks to the inductions and csections
) but there is no routine to it. Working away from the baby can be difficult enough but when it's for so long and is so up in the air, and the baby is so young, and won't take a bottle, I don't know how I'd manage it. -sigh- I need to come up with something different.
Top all this with needing to arrange this birthday party, and a call from SIL last night about presents for her mother and my daughter, and then she started talking about my niece, demon child, and all her "problems," and since she rarely has spoken frankly to me I can't get off the phone at that moment; she's never been so friendly. But I can't help but say at a Waldorf school her dd wouldn't be in grade 2 yet, and it would be no big deal she wasn't reading, and so on. She worries about her dd as I'm sure I've complained here before. I know I told you all that nightmare story about their behaviour during The Fire. They seem unaware of how much they hover and dote and worry and how that might have contributed, or been solely responsible, for her having such low frustration tolerance and being unable to tie her shoes or zip her coat. Then SIL is all worried about her self esteem and in my mind I'm thinking, that's your whole family's problem, in case you haven't noticed none of you have good self-esteem! And this whole time I am supposed to be reading to my dd, a habit we are trying to reinstate, and don't feel I can get off the phone, and in the middle of me saying something reassuring she interrupts me and after listening to her daughter says she has to go read to her!!!!!
: She also was telling me her dd tried an after-school crafts class for an hour and she sat and observed the whole first class to be sure "she'd be ok." The child is seven!!! And *I* am the overprotective one?! I can't figure these people out. Somehow my not wanting K called names or being in daycare at one year was overprotective but her not letting her 7 yo take a class unless Mom checks it out with her is not? This child also never goes home with anyone else after school unless Mom or Grandma goes too, I gather- they aren't willing to inflict her on anyone, they say, though the real reason is they aren't sure how other people will handle her temper tantrums. Again, she is seven. This all really irritates me because the attention she gets necessarily comes from the attention that could go to MY children every once in a while.
Sorry for the inlaw vent. It must be really boring, though I am happy to read others' vents!
It seems to me I can't put the baby down and get anything done, but when friends are over they are amazed he can sit still so long and play alone, so I guess I am asking for too much. When I think of just how long he can sit and play alone I feel really guilty for not always picking him up when he wants, or spending more time playing with him instead of trying to keep the house from swallowing us all (back to flylady vent, above.
). One advantage to working full-time and having the children in school/daycare is there's no one there to mess the house up!!