Ok, 2am and here I am again! No major cntx, though. As chiro said, I still am wavering between wanting ctx and not ready yet. I know that once things start going I'll be fine, I think there's some fear associated with not being able to do this without some help (induction-wise) and maybe having a lot of labor that isn't very productive... these concepts scare me more than anything.
I can't get my hands on that book P&A, I will do a search tomorrow. I sort of know what I want to do - hot bath with herbs, oil rub after, circle, candles, and I will write something for myself to say in the direction of allowing energy to move through my body as the vehicle for life bla bla bla. I enjoy these ceremonies, and in the past they have worked. I did one for a friend who was desperate (sp?) to sell a piece of land as they REALLY needed the money (this was about 4 mos ago). I did a ceremony for her and they sold THAT WEEK although noone had even phoned about the place until then. Whoah. Not that I think it was just me, it's an awesome plot in a great location, but it also worked with dd and with dh on some stuff.
Well that happy dance turned into a MAJOR session for me today! Mom called and asked about taking a train up, but of course w/dh and dd skiing I won't have a car to pick her up, and I suggested that she may get stuck here because we wouldn't be able to get her back to the station...that pretty much clinched it and she bailed --- the relief is truly overwhelming! I'm awake now only because I have a cold (not too bad, just inconvenient) and fell asleep at 9:30 and dd just woke with a nightmare so I put her back to bed in her bed (no sharing the ickies, I said), and now I'm UP, thinking about how hungry I was, so I'm making tea and I ate a banana and now I'll just ramble for a while... the lights are dim, and I am thinking about the birth stories that Mamamaya and Delfina and others have shared...it's such an amazing experience, and yet not exactly like other amazing experiences...like parachuting or a huge roller coaster, which are so similar to each other. It's so individual and not at ALL possible to really compare experiences. The intensity, duration and feelings involved are all so variable, and the conditions going in make a HUGE diff. to how it plays out. I can only imagine how someone else might've handled my own experience last time, and how I might have handled someone else's experience if it had been mine... it's like sci. fi., it's so not possible! Enter...the twilight zone!
Just a quick question: The mother's tea I drink has nettle, red rasp. leaf, oatstraw, spearmint and red clover in it - are some of you drinking straight red rasp. leaf tea? I'm not sure I'd like it ... but is it better to drink than a mix like this if you are ready to prime your body for labor? 'Cause I'm ready! I looked into the cohosh options but didn't really want an anti-spasmodic, do I? I think I may have some tincture upstairs, old but maybe still ok as it's an alcohol base... get the baby drunk??? More cc cookies today - dd and I shared while we played crokinole and checkers (before magic school bus). I can feel the belly expand (not to mention butt and thighs!). I did join the Y, as they have childcare for 6 wk to 6 yr olds and I figure I can get into some exercise classes around early March and start to DROP some weight...I won't be ready until then, I think. And cut out the pasta, of course! Who can lose weight eating as much macaroni as I ate tonight (even the veggi kind with homemade pesto!)?
Hey PM - CONGRATS on the neg. test! It's so awesome to be able to start out the process in your own way and know that unless something ELSE happens, you shall finish it that way. WHEW! I'm really very glad for you. I know it was a source of stress for you - enjoy the relax from knowing you don't have THAT to worry about!
I spent some money early in this pregnancy on some wonderful organic stuff for baby, stuff I didn't have time/info to buy for dd when she was born. I'm very happy to have it! I also feel like we really have TOO many clothes and stuff. Really kind of overwhelming. Boxes and bags all over the attic. I can not imagine one baby ever wearing that many clothes! A toddler, perhaps, but not a baby. I think around 18 mos. dd started needing more clothes (bigger pees that more often leaked, messy eating, paint, mud, sand, you name it that kid wore it!) every day, but honestly I think it was a rare blow-out that required a change of clothes for the baby dd. KWIM? Anyway, I'm thinking that we could use some heavy duty winter blankies for baby, so I may go looking next week at the ONLY consignment store in the area for those next week, and if I have to, I could buy some new ones, too. I have one delicious organic one from under the nile, which I LOVE, but only one is probably a little on the skimpy side for how cold it is here...and will be for a few more months! Karen - how are you doing for baby stuff - we talked a long time ago about maybe you needing some stuff - I do have extra stuff, so let me know, ok? At this stage you'd probably get it after baby is born, but not too long after.
Dd made an interesting observation yesterday - "what happens if you go into labor while I'm at school and I miss it!?" she says. Hmmmmm that would be pretty true, if I started labor right after she left for school and finished up within the 8 hrs. that she's away. Since we only have the one car, the mw's are planning to pick up dh from work if I labor in the middle of the day, and noone to pick up poor dd! So now I'm thinking I could call the doula massage therapist who lives on that side of the river and could maybe pick her up if she were coming from home (if not, it's pretty out of the way, her school). W/o extra family around the area, what else can we do? Should I consider sending dh over to get her - that's like 45 min. that he'd be gone, getting there and back again. Not too cool, in my book. But ideal isn't always the possible, I know. Hmmm.
Mar - what are your kids - how old, boy/girl? How many have you got? Sounds like a pretty busy household over there!? It's hard to imagine getting it all done for the crowd and still finding time for work AND yourself! You are amazing!
It's now 3am, and I have been up and writing and drinking tea and peeing for an hour. My eyes are starting to burn, and I think I can try to get back to sleep. I hope you are all having a good night - even out there in hawaii land, where it's not quite so late: by the way, I dreamed I flew to hawaii and hitchhiked to karen's house where there was this big pig roast (HUH?) happening and Heidi was there too (my first two beads) - and then there was a rainstorm and I had to stay overnight on the floor and couldn't sleep so I was wandering around and found this huge grow-op in the back, and was chatting away with some security guy there and then found the pool and was swimming in the pool late at night. It was a very strange dream. In the end, I think I wasn't allowed to fly home because I was too pregnant by like 12 hours or something, and ended up finding a place to live on the beach... yeah, keep dreaming!
Sweet dreams all! Andy