Tandem nursing and CLW...

[majazama]

Nice to see there is a forum for just the CLWers now, and it couldn't have come at a better time for me!

I thought I'd start a thread all about the unique challenges, triumphs, ideas and whatnot to do with tandem nursing and CLW.

... here's me.....

I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old. My 2 year old has been nursing for 2 years (and then some, it seems)... she is VERY attached to the boob, and it gets very draining and irritating some times. Especially when she wants to nurse when the "baby" is and the baby likes things a "certain way", so I can't nurse her (2 year old) whenever she wants. She has a freakin' tantrum every time I say just wait a minute, (or no

But then at night when I nurse Haeven (2 YO) to sleep with Samaya on the other boob, and they both seem to love it so much, nursing together to sleep, it's so cute and wonderful. When I lay down with both of them and they both scramble to get into their "positions", it just makes me love it. Haeven will help the boob back into samaya's mouth if it falls out, and sometimes they play with each other's hands and faces. I can see they are so close because of this.

I'm trying to be the best momma I can possibly be, but I am so stressed looking after my two grrls that are 19 months apart. I always *knew* I'd do CLW, and right now I feel like it'll be a long time before she is weaned, but I have those longings to have my body back. I can't be alone in this, am I? I think there is a big difference for us that tandem CLW, and the single-child CLWers. It's so much more energy.

How are all of you coping who do CLW and tandeming? Do you just totally enjoy every moment of it, or long for your older one to wean? Or a combination of both?

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

i feel you

just want to say hi.
my babes are 11 months apart. it's so hard. the little one is 16 months now, and it is still hard. it is worth it. sometimes i hate it.
the big one is really demanding of the boob, and i honor that more often than not. i hate to consider how much sibling funk woudl be going on between the 2 if i weren't doubling up.
it is so hard, i am trying to remember that this too shall pass. i am aslo trying to convince my partner to more often ask the question 'what can i do for you right now, honey?'
this makes a huge difference.
both my kids twiddle. dammit.
hang in there, mama. the more i get them out (which is a struggle in itself), the less they demand to nurse. for mine it's sometimes a boredom thing.
good luck.

[MamaAllNatural]

What a cool idea for a thread mamajaza.

My nurslings are 3.5 (almost 4) and 16 months. So we've been at this for close to a year and a half now. DD was two years and four months old when we started. I think two year olds are always very demanding nursers and very needy of the bfing. So, I can imagine that it must be especially challenging for you to be nursing her through her twos while also nursing the new baby. I think if you remind yourself that her nursing behavior is very normal for a two year old it will help. They slow down quite a bit at three. The definition of slowing down really depends on the child though. For my dd she went from about 20 daily nursings to about 10. So that was a big change. I realize 3 yo is still a ways off for your dd but I just wanted to let you know that it does pass.

I have found nursing them at the same time to be helpful too. I wish there was an different expression I could use but...killing two birds with one stone comes to mind. It seems to free up some time for me.

I would say, for me, overall the tandem nursing has gone very well. A couple of times in the beginning I had to remind myself that giving to dd now (then) would make her more secure and so she'd slow down later. That was definately true. DD also stopped night nursing a couple of months ago on her own so most nights I don't even nurse. (The baby has never been too frequent of a night nurser).

I don't know if anyone will appreciate this but I personally like to think of others who have it worse than me to make myself feel better. : So, sometimes I have thought of my Aunt who was nursing not one, not two, but three kids at the same time. That's not the best part though. Guess what their ages were? 2.5, 18 mo, & newborn! : So, if it helps to think of that, use it. :LOL

[majazama]

Thanks for repying, mama Q.

Yes, I too think that my DD's will be a lot better able to get along further down the road, because they get almost equal amounts of mom. But the urge to protect the youngest is sooo strong.

Right now my 2 YO is : , BTW. Baby is having a really odd long nap.

My partner doesn't think Haeven needs to nurse any more, and the one mamma in my circle of friends who has two baby's close in age, weaned her older one at 14 months, 3 months before the second was born. When she heard I was going to tandem, she said I sure am *brave*! So I don't feel like I have much support IRL. well, knowing that there is this CLW forum in MDC makes me want to keep at it more than I did before, for some reason. Must be a "keeping up with the jonses" sorta thing.:LOL

[MamaAllNatural]

UMQ, I cross-posted with you. Your situation sounds pretty challenging too. Wow, 11 months is SO close. That is probably more challenging than twins. It makes sense that you said your 2 yo is the more demanding of the nursers. I agree with you that it's good to realize how march harder things would be if you *weren't* nursing them both.

Originally Posted by Unoppressed MAMA Q

i am aslo trying to convince my partner to more often ask the question 'what can i do for you right now, honey?'
this makes a huge difference.

That's great. So important.

both my kids twiddle. dammit.

:

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally Posted by *Mamajaza*

well, knowing that there is this CLW forum in MDC makes me want to keep at it more than I did before, for some reason. Must be a "keeping up with the jonses" sorta thing.:LOL

Hey, peer pressure can be a good thing sometimes, right? :LOL

[beanma]

i guess i'm here with y'all. not firmly in the CLW camp, but dd1 will be 4 in feb so we're definitely in the neighborhood.

mamajaza it is sweet to see them hold hands while nursing. dd1 does the same thing with holding the breast for dd2 to get it. lots of times dd2 just wants to play, though. dd1 sounds a lot like some of y'all's nurslings -- very very attached to the milky. dd2 has other things she'd rather do sometimes, but dd1 loooooooves that milky a lot. the frequency has slowed down a lot, but sometimes it seems like the duration hasn't lessened at all. i'm sure it has, but sometimes...

i have a question i'd like to ask. what do y'all do about tandem NIP? i'm actually a little more comfortable with it in really public settings like the park where i'm either with friends who nurse or complete strangers. where i run into trouble is over at the homes of other friends or relatives. we were at a new year's brunch and dd1 asked to nurse. she was tired and i thought we needed to go home which is what we ended up doing, but only after tears and protest. i just don't feel comfortable popping the old boob out for my big girl always. in that situation we were at a single friend's apt with other of her friends around. she has no kids and while she is a very good friend it just pushed my comfort level. same with nursing in front of my extended family. i'm fine w/ nursing the 1 yr old, but the almost 4 yr old...

i also struggle with telling dd1 to wait and then nursing the baby (well, toddler, i guess, but really she's just a big baby) when in public. seems "not fair" though dd1 has never said that.

anybody else?

[eclipse]

my two are about the same ages as MAN's - ds turns 4 at the end of the month and dd is 18 months. ds was definitely the more demanding nursling for the first year or so - part of it was age, i think, and another part of it was personality (dd is pretty kick back, while ds is a spirited child). when ds night weaned just after his third bday (it was a mutual decision - i was being a very grumpy mama nursing 7+ times a night and suggested that if i got more sleep i might be nicer - so we decided not to nurse after bedtime anymore), things got a lot better for me - and since dd was sleeping through the night at time, i actually got a couple months of uninterrupted night sleep! whoo hoo!

anyhow, in the last few months, ds has cut back so much that any nursing could be the last one. he only nurses once a week, sometimes even less often. i know we're approaching the end of our journey, and i'm really glad i stuck with it. there were so many times that i regretted not weaning while i was pregnant, or thought i should initiate weaning, and i am so glad that i didn't.

for me, not nursing them at the same time was key. ds is so rambunctious (flailing, kicking, etc)that when i tried to nurse them together, my mama bear instincts for the baby would kick in and cause some really negative feelings between ds and i. it really helped both of us to make nursing a private time for us.

[MamaAllNatural]

To answer the question about tandem NIP, I haven't really done it. I have done it at my aunt's house, at friend's houses and at my home when my sisters or good friends are here. Usually we're busy playing or running errands when we're out in public so it hasn't really come up. I know there are quite a few mamas here that do tandem NIP frequently though.

[mom2threenurslings]

I guess I'm just completely laid back about the whole nursing thing. I really haven't had any big struggles with nursing, nursing through pregnancy, tandem nursing, tandem nursing through pregnancy, triandem nursing, natural weaning ... I just love nursing my kids!

I nurse in public, I tandem nurse in public, I've triandem nursed in public (ok, so someone had to wait "in line" but still... :LOL ), I"ve nursed an almost-5 year old in public....and I've loved nearly every minute of it. I think the only un-enjoyable nursing I've had has been the few times I was very ill, and that was such a brief time in the grand scheme of things that I just saw it as something I had to get through, not as a major struggle.

I, the resident nursing freak , enjoy the tandem nursing olympics, the strange positions, the odd places in which I've been asked to (and have!) nurse ... when else during our busy times do I get a chance to sit, to just *be*, to give full and absolute attention to my precious children and meet their needs in such a wonderous, beautiful way?

[majazama]

tandem NIP... haven't really done that much, but when I'm at my friends place, I whip up the shirt for my two nurslings whenever the babies want me to. I think it's good to show people that it's normal and maybe they might do it once they have more kids.
{I love shocking people sometimes by nursing my huge 36 inch tall, 32+lb. 2 YO "baby"}

mamma2three~I wish I could be as relaxed as you are about the whole thing. :LOL but that's just not me.

[maria423]

My dd is just over 21 months old, and my ds is 8 weeks old.

I won't say that tandem nursing is without problems, but all in all I'm SO glad I'm doing it! Yes, I have my moments of frustration, when i'm nursing the littler one and the bigger one has a fit because she wants me to do something else with her. And sometimes (it hurts to admit it but it's true ) I just don't want to nurse the older one. She's so demanding and fidgets and pickes at my moles and squeezes my boobs and, well, you name it, she does it!

But we're doing well and I plan to let them both go as long as they want. As it is, dd is making no signs that she's ready to stop any time soon. If anything, she's increasing her nursing over the past few weeks.

Sometimes I feel like a cow!

[beanma]

thanks y'all for responding to the tandem NIP question. gives me something to ruminate on. i think nursing can be a source of tension btwn dd1 and me because i get uncomfortable, both physically (stronger or different suck?) and emotionally. probably something i need to separate and work thru. hmmmm...

we've been doing great lately, though, and dd1 has been saying she loves me so often. it may be that she's beginning to find comfort in things other than my boobies :LOL !

[emmapeal]

I'm tandem nursing a 3 1/2 year old and a 3 1/2 month old, and it's really helpful to read this board. As good as I think it is for my older child, I can't help feeling like even my most progressive parenting friends think I'm kind of a freak for not weaning. I have qualms about tandem NIP, too, and recently on an airplane I tried to sort of hide my son's head with a blanket so people wouldn't realize he was nursing...
Reading hear makes me feel stronger and less self-conscious.
Thanks!

[hottmama]

I'm tandem nursing my 3 yr. old and my almost 4 mo. old boys. I really am NOT loving it. My 3 yr. old is driving me nuts, he demands to nurse every 5 minutes and will hit, kick, and curse at me if I try to refuse him. ALL of our struggles are centered around him wanting to nurse and me not wanting to nurse and I wonder if mama-led weaning would make both of our lives easier. I have always been committed to CLW but it's so hard on me, I thought it would get easier when the baby was born (I blamed the nipple pain on pregnancy, but it's still here) but it just made things worse because he quit eating real food. Honestly, I would wean him if I considered it possible.

I HATE nursing both of them at the same time, and Julian will try to pull the baby off my boob so he can nurse. He will stick his finger in the baby's mouth to unlatch him or just pull his forehead away. I can't hold the baby and fight him off at the same time. I just don't see this helping them bond. :

It doesn't help that I've been through 5 bouts of mastitis and we've all had thrush in the past 3.5 mos, and my little guy is an early teether.

I do NIP both of them, not at the same time but they can take turns. It's starting to make me uncomfortable because people look at me like I'm a pervert for nursing my 36 lb., 39" tall, very talkative child. But hey, some people give me weird looks just for nursing my newborn so who cares.

[emmapeal]

My ds went through an aggressive bfing phase at 2 1/2 years and I have to say the only way I could continue nursing was to set some rules about his behavior. I figured if I let him hit and order me around he was going to think it was okay to treat other people the same way. I put some limits on how frequently we would nurse and made him ask nicely, and he came around really quickly. As important as it is, whats the point in CLW if it makes you resent your child or reinforces bad behavior?

[jillmamma]

I am also a tandeming mama, to a 3y4m old boy and a 7m old girl. He was down to 3 times a day (morning, nap and night) right before I had the baby, but stepped it up again for a couple of months after she was born. After the initial "adjustment" period, I started limiting him a bit so that it would not be too much for me (if I am going to tandem nurse, I want to ENJOY it! ) , and now at age 3, he is pretty much down to morning and night, and any other time he seems to really need it. I feel it has ABSOLUTELY helped his adjustment and bond with his new sister. I personally feel that if it is too much for you, setting some limits on how long, how often, and nursing manners is absolutely appropriate for the older one. DS, when younger, used to pull on my shirt all the time to ask to nurse, and that drove me nuts! Now, he has to ask for "milk, please?" and it is SO much nicer! I generally don't NIP with him anymore, just because he is down to morning and night, so he really does not ask. Overall though, I am very glad to have tandem nursed, and feel like he will wean when he is ready, although I have no clue how old he will be when he decides he has had enough.

[monkey's mom]

Well, I'm DEFINITELY not loving every minute of it, but I'm not *quite* wishing my oldest would wean--all the time, anyway! LOL

Mine are 4.5 and 10 months. I don't nurse them at the same time--too much for me.

The older one's suck is very intense and trying, so that makes it hard, too.

I just try to remind myself that this is only a few years out of our lives and that mama's milk is pretty much a birthright.

Most of the time, I've just been doing it for so long that I can't really imagine it being any other way! :LOL

[anniegirl]

Oh wow, I came to this forum looking for exactly this kind of support! Maybe we could start our own "tandem nursing" chat thread?

My nurslings are 26mo and 4mo. For the most part I love it. Ds1 nurses frequently during the day, but I always use that as my "break" so to speak. I either get on the internet or watch TV while I nurse. I don't usually nurse them at this same time as it feels a little too intense to me, but lately ds1 has been asking to nurse with his brother which is very sweet.

The only time I really feel resentful of ds1 wanting to nurse is he demands it at 6:45 every morning like clockwork. He usually goes back to sleep, but I'm not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination (neither is he, which is why he needs it I think) so I just feel bugged by it.

I go back and forth with CLW. Sometimes I feel like definitely for sure I'm going to let him nurse as long as he wants and other times a long, gentle weaning sounds very appealing.

Does anyone else have guilt feelings that your younger dc doesn't get enough of you? Happily, ds2 is a very mellow and content little guy, but I often feel bad that he doesn't get held as much as ds1 did etc. Or that I often end up putting him down to attend to my older son. He doesn't seem to mind, I just feel like he should be cuddled all the time ya know?

[kellid]

Well, I'm not sure if I am going to CLW, but I have a 23 month old and I am 31 weeks pregnant and am currently night weaning but have no intention of quitting the day thing. I was attracted to this post because I will also be tandem nursing, I don't know how long, but I didn't think I would nurse past a year let alone tandem nurse. I already have the same fears you are experiencing. I'm glad you started this thread. GOOD LUCK!!!!!