I guess I'm not the only early bird

[Mommay]

I'm glad to join the club. Not even my family knows and my husband is still skeptical (the positive line is rather faint). But I knew from the day after conception that I was pregnant.

This will be number two. And number one is still nursing, so I'll be checking for tandem nursing info. and nursing while pregnant. Anyone from NJ? I'm not sure whether I'll be doing hospital, homebirth, or what. I want to do homebirth, but am scared about possible emergencies.

[SimplyMama]

I'm still nursing my toddler, though only once a day or so. Sometimes he even skips a day, if he's busy.

Have you considered a free-standing birthing center? I had a great birth with Thomas, and it *was* reassuring for us, personally, to be 5 minutes away from a hospital. Also, we were home within 4 hrs, and nursing happily in our own bed.

[AllyRae]

Hi! Welcome to the group!! I'm also nursing my toddler.

[Mommay]

Are either of you concerned with drying up? I think ds needs his milk still and feel a little guilty that I will be taking that away from him.

I wish we had a birth center in the area. For some reason, perhaps due to a lack of interest, there is none in my area. When I was pregnant with #1, the last center closed shortly after I got pregnant.

[melissel]

Hey, I'm in NJ!

I can't believe there are no birth centers in the area! I'll probably be going to Princeton Med because that's where my midwife delivers, but I thought about looking for a birth center. I guess it's a good thing I didn't have my heart set on it.

I'm not too worried about drying up, partly because if weaning happens naturally now, I'd be ok with it, but also partly because I don't think that will stop Bella from nursing, LOL! I'm just going to play it by ear.

Melissa

[Mommay]

Wow, I just called Princeton Midwifery today. Ursula is supposed to be good. It's sort of far from me, but the choices seem very limited. I want the homebirth, but 1. I'm a little afraid and 2. my insurance doesn't cover it. So, a midwife at a hospital would be great, but I just called a midwifery practice close by me and they told me that they weren't what I was looking for. People go to them when they can't afford a doctor (lucky them!). But the feel of the place is not AP and the hospital was not family-friendly.

I don't know if mentioned it, but I had a midwife for the first one, but the experience was still really bad. It was the particular midwife (the one I was kind of hoping to avoid) and it was the hospital. It's a long story, but an hour after my birth, I was walking the halls looking for my baby! They wanted to keep him from me for 4 hours! They sent three nurses to calm me down, but I told them 'he is not your baby. He is mine. I should not have to argue about taking hold of my own baby!' Needless to say, I am not repeating that experience.

Let's stay in touch about resources in the area. Maybe you can give me info. that I have not uncovered and vice-versa.

[melissel]

Wait, Ursula Miguel? That's my midwifery group! If you're talking about that Ursula, she was my friend's midwife, and she really liked her. Ursula didn't actually deliver her baby, because my friend delivered about 5 minutes after she got to the hospital--they were literally pulling her pants off as they were running down the hallway to a delivery room. But she was very happy with the care Ursula provided. My friend says the only thing to watch out for is that Ursula is kind of like a serious German lady (or something like German, I've never met her, LOL) so she comes across as very stern until you get to know.

My MW there is Peggy Bruno, who I just adore. They deliver at Princeton, which I've heard is the closest thing you can get to a birth center around here. It IS a bit far from you, but I imagine you'd still have plenty of time to get there.

What a funny coincidence!

[Mommay]

Yes, Ursula Miguel. But one of the other midwives called back, so I won't have her, but they're all potential birth mates, right? Maybe I'll run into you. Where do you live? Are you close to Princeton?

[melissel]

Yeah, I would assume you could wind up with any of the midwives (maybe even one of the MDs, but I doubt it). I have my first pg appt next week, so I'll find out then.

We're in North Brunswick, so only about 20-25 minutes from downtown Princeton, and a bit closer to the office in Plainsboro. Hey, you didn't by any chance almost get involved with a group called Holistic Moms 6 months ago or so, did you? The leader told me someone expressed interest from Woodbridge, and I can't imagine there are too many holistic moms in Woodbridge, LOL.

[melissel]

Also, did you look here for more options?

http://www.midwife.org/find/

I did a quick search and found a couple nearer to you than Princeton, though I don't know where they'd deliver. Whatever you do, don't go to Brunswick Hills in East Brunswick. I met one MW there and I liked her, but the rest of the practice left a terrible taste in my mouth. I had to see them quite a bit in the past year or so, and that's what finally drove me to switch.

[Mommay]

We're all AP in Woodbridge. What are you talking about?! Just kidding. I definitely feel like a freak out here in fast-food and cry it out land. Coincidentally though, I met a great holistic mom who lives not too far from me, and the Wegmans is decent for organic foods. Other than that, the area is kind of stagnant in terms of child-rearing. And yes!, I did look into the middlesex hmn. I already go to the one in Union County, which is really great, but I was hoping to meet moms closer to me. Are you also interested in the HMN group? I went to one meeting, but not many people were there.

Thanks for the link, but I think I did go there to research. There are midwives closer to me, but the hospitals they are affliated to usually are not family-centered (e.g. the hospital that I had #1 would not let my husband stay with me through the night). Oh well, I've known people to drive as far to get what they want.

[melissel]

I was actually pretty involved in the Middlesex HMN briefly, even hosted one big event at my house (that wasn't the one you went to, was it?!). But for the past 2 years I've been having repeated breast problems and mastitis, and decided I needed to really cut back on the stuff I was doing. At that point, pretty much all the other moms I'd met through the group had babies and I was feeling kind of weird with an almost 2 year old, so I let it go. I quit my mainstream playgroup too, for that reason and others.

It's great that you found another holistic mom near you. My best friend and I share our AP/holistic/homeschooling tendencies, which is really wonderful, because I am not so tolerant (shame on me) of friends who don't. But she lives kind of far, I wish she was closer!

Good Lord, what kind of hospital doesn't let the father/SO stay the night? Where was this? I delivered at Englewood, and they wouldn't let me cosleep, but I was allowed free rein in pretty much everything else. And they're pretty conservative there! And yes, if it hadn't been for a switch in my insurance, I would have been driving from Jersey City (where we lived then) to NYU Med Ctr in midtown Manhattan to stay with my great OBs. It's worth it for good care.

[Mommay]

It's a small world

It's a small world, especially amongst us natural moms. I find coincidences like that amongst moms I meet in the area. I guess there's going to be an open house soon for HMN. Planning to be there?

Too bad your friend isn't closer. It makes such a difference to have the support of like-minded people around you, especially when the larger community does not often share our views. But that's why we're here, right?

I was wondering how you felt about the "main-stream" playgroup you were in. I tried out a moms club in Woodbridge, and though the women I found there were decent enough, their styles of parenting were just too different from mine. Plus, all their lunches and group stuff were held at Burger King and Wendy's. I just don't want to get ds in the habit of going to fast food places.

[melissel]

I saved the e-mail for the HMN open house, but I hadn't decided whether or not to go. I'll check the date again--the Barnes & Noble is right by my house (the leader lives in North Brunswick too). If it's not one of my work days, maybe we can meet and say hi! I did like the leader and the few other women I got to know, a lot actually. It was just hard because of my health stuff and the age of the kids. How old is Kyle?

It IS great to have a supportive community, even online. I've been on an attachment parenting board since Bella was born (not MDC affiliated), but it's a standalone, so I was SO happy to find the due date clubs here. I was on a mainstream board when I was pg with Bella, and it was fine then because what did I know about parenting at that point? It wasn't until after I had Bella that my beliefs really solidified. I could never go back to a regular board now!

I had the same feelings about my playgroup that you did. The women were nice, and were totally supportive of how I parent Bella, never judgmental (wish I could say the same for me!). We just didn't click at all, and there were the occasional incidents that really highlighted how we had nothing in common. I was at one group meeting where the entire conversation was about giving cereal in a bottle to help their babies sleep, and sleep training (which actually, not one of them did, but some of the talk got too close for comfort for me). And there I am, sitting, nursing my 20 month old. At that same meeting, one of the toddlers kept playing under the kitchen sink, where the cleaning products were, and they made kind of a half hearted effort to keep him out. But then when another toddler had climbed on a chair and was kneeling at the dining room table (I could see him the whole time, he was fine), they all converged on him and hustled him off and told him how dangerous it was. About 5 minutes later I was like, "You know, I have to run, it's Bella's naptime..." I know they were all relieved when I left the group. I still do the occasional Moms Club event because I want Bella to be more social that I am, LOL, but we've got a lot going on now, and with Bella in school and doing storytimes and spending time with my friend's kids, I think we do OK.

I'll get back to you about the HMN event.

[Mommay]

Another coincidence: Rachel and I went to Reel Mommy at Loew's New Brunswick, both of us for the first time. She had approached me and introduced herself, and we ended up sitting together to watch "Love Actually". Then, much later, I saw that a Rachel was starting up the hmn, and something just told me it was the same mother. It was. And I found out at the only meeting I went to that she had come up to me because I had a sling. I would definitely notice another mom using a sling (she gave up on hers, but still she noticed). Anyway, I guess us natural moms have a way of finding each other.

Yeah, let me know if you go and I'll keep an eye out for you.

Oh yeah, Kyle is 18 months. How about Bella?

BTW, the story about Bella "giving birth" in the tub made me laugh out loud. That is a cute story.

I noticed that main-stream moms and people in general have a thing for safety. They may not even notice the child, or even say 'hello' or smile at him/her, but as soon as there is the smallest thing that they consider 'wrong', they'll let you know about it. To me, it goes with the attitude that children should largely be left on their own until, of course, they need to be "corrected". Anyway, maybe that's not what you were getting at, but it's a pet peeve of mine.

I'm going to try to get some sleep. I'm so tired, but have trouble falling asleep as people have talked about.

[melissel]

Gosh, it really is a small world. Well, I guess it's also a small state, LOL.

I just doublechecked the date for the meeting (I thought it was in February!), and barring any bedtime emergencies, both Bella and I will be there. She's been going to sleep around 9:30 lately (blech), so we should be able to stay for a half hour or so before she loses all self control and starts pulling books from the shelves. If nothing comes up for either of us, I look forward to meeting you there!

And Bella is 28 months--today, in fact. She's in a real baby/toddler adoration phase right now, so the timing should work out just right, LOL.

See you soon!