~Nov/Dec 02' babes Chat for January~ - Page 8

[majazama]

what is TCS?

[Mona]

TCS= Taking Children Seriously.
http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/node/58 is one site....

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by casina

eilonwy, if i were you i would put a double bolt on that door. it is a pain for me to look for keys to open, but it works. or you could put a sliding latch very high up (my kids can get that already, but it helps).

I can't; I live in an apartment, and can't drill holes in the door. Believe me, if I could do that I would, along with painting the freaking walls. :

My left boob is *killing* me. I don't know if it's thrush or what but holy crap does it hurt!! : : It's all I can do not to throw the kids accross the room when they touch it; heck, it hurts when my arm brushes it by accident. I seriously want to throw up from the pain-- it's that intense.

[Mona]

rynna- do you have any cabbage in the fridge? throw on a cabbage leaf if you can.... i also have done homeopathics, but now can't rmember the names.
anyway, sorry about the pain.

[DecemberSun]

Rynna, how's the boob?

Your stressful situation sounds like me with my two kids at this time last year. Being "thrown" into parenthood (we went from zero to three kids in 6 months) was extremely difficult to get used to, especially when my son wouldn't take a bottle and I was his only means of pacification, comfort, food and drink. And Julianna had reflux and puked up half (or all) of her feedings and was going though drug withdrawals and was in physical pain and would arch away from me if I tried to comfort her. For awhile I was a sleep-depreived zombie, just trying to survive one minute to the next, not knowing if I was going to survive, and frequently breaking down in tears right along with the kids. I was in a horrible daze, I don't remember much about the kids being young and that scares me. Thankfully I am very faithful with taking photos and I have gazillions to remind me, but still... I lost a lot of time being a dazed zombie, and I wasted a lot of time being a crazed lunatic. Hopefully I caught it in time before my kids became trauatized- I actually think I was a better mom in some ways back then because I didn't yell at them so much- they are quite rambunctious nowadays, and together they make for a destructive duo. I still yell a lot, way more than I'd like to, and I lose my patience too often, and I try hard every day to take deep breaths and just let go and "be"... I'm not in a daze now, and I feel like I'm a good mom, but I can always be better, YK? I guess I'm just rambling on to say that you are a perfectly normal frazzled mother of two and that I have been there (and am still here) with you.

And it is tue what casina says about babies who feel unloved not crying out. They are smarter than we think, and if they think they're needs are going to be met they will do whatever it takes to get that attention. But if they know that no one will come to them they will hide inside themselves. The little boy I took care of last summer was only 5 months old and he was used to being left in a room to cry when he was hungry or tired or scared. I remember one time when he was here he was in the swing and started fussing, so I went to fix him a bottle (of his nasty forrmula). By the time I had mixed the formula and gotten it all ready for him, he had cried himself to sleep. He was so hungry that he didn't want to waste any energy crying for food because he was so conditioned to thinking no one would come for him!!! How unbelievably sad is that?!? I picked him up and held him and fed him, but it made me tear up just thinking about what that little boy had been through in his short little life- he didn't want to waste any calories by crying for food, he tried for the bare minimum to get someone's attention and then gave up... So, we really ARE good mamas when our kids act obnoxious. They feel secure enough with us to test us. It doesn't make sense on the outside, but when you dig a little deeper you can see that it does make sense, and they are on the right track...

Julianna's "dad" got out of jail and went to Social Services. He talked to Julianna's Social Worker and he wants to go ahead with the paternity test so he can start visitation : . After that he can go for full custody if he wants to. We're preparing ourselves for the worst, but hoping for the best. Even of she does go "home" it won't be for over a year because the courts are very aware that she has bonded to our family and doesn;t even know this man. So we are loving her up extra these days, and spoiling her like mad so when she goes "home" she'll be a brat, :LOL. DH was nice enough to say that he would do it again in a heartbeat of Julianna left, and I was so happy. Most people say "That's it, I can't do this anymore, I can't get attached to a child and have them go home". But DH and I are *ahem* really good at foster parenting, IMO, and we have fun at it and I'd love to take in another baby to love while their own parents can't (or won't). But hopefully Julianna's "dad" will just want visitation and he'll let her stay with us because he'll see how attached she is to our family and he won't want to rip her out of the only home she's know... But we shall wait and see...

I am feeling really FAT lately. I always gain wait in the winter, but this is ridiculous! I can't wait for the summer time when I'm out and about moving and grooving outside and sweating and losing weight again... Right now all I feel like doing is curling up and eating a warm meal, LOL...

[MamaFern]

hi mommas..

im still sniffling.. and i cant taste anything and so all day all i ate was a few bites of oatmeal and now some soup. i got really low bloodsugar and yelled at elwynn for not eating his soup..he was sticking his hands-both of them and squishing the veggies and noodles around. then he wiped them on his clothes.. i just got so MAD. i just want him to eat so that he won't weigh 21 LBS for the rest of his life.. i get so worried that something else is going on, but he is so normal otherwise. i guess i would just feel better about it if he would eat like a normal human sometimes. he will not ever let me spoon feed him. everything has to be " myself" but soup is hard to eat with out getting it everywhere..! he is so friggin picky. i made oatmeal for breakfast and he picked out all of the raisins and wouldnt eat the oats..he picks out the corn from the soup but refused to eat the rest. he wants to eat pickles and chips all day.

okay. enuff ranting.

its pouring rain here.. i have a headache. and im very grumpy. grr.

[Mona]

fern- i go through the frustration of dd not eating much/weighing much sometimes too. i used to really be uptight about it. but since she was still nursing gobs, i chilled. she was not loosing weight, so that relaxed me. she is finally starting to take more of an interest in eating/food. i try to fatten her up w/ almond butter and avacados, but that doesn't always work.

glad you are starting to feel better.

[eilonwy]

fern, have you considered just teaching him to drink the soup? it tends to be neater than spooning with toddlers... and kids love drinking stuff out of bowls; at least, mine does. he also likes dipping stuff into other stuff, especially (*shudder*) ranch dressing (which his grandparents have at 2/3 meals). i told them to get some regular stuff (they usually eat low-fat) for him, and he's definately gained some weight since that happened.

of course, he's still tiny, but he weighs a heck of a lot more. people are always so surprised by how heavy he is, apparently he still looks like he should weigh barely 20 pounds but he's closer to 30.

speaking of weight gain, my BooBah has an appointment with the pediatric gastroenterologist tomorrow; i think he will be pleasantly surprised at how much weight she's gained just since starting the pepcid. it's really helping her to puke less of what she eats! she is now too big for fully half of her 3-6 month sized outfits. go BooBah!

I'm feeling decent today, except for the sore boob; I think sex helped. Yes ladies, I finally got some! Mike and I were both awake and both kids were asleep, we totally jumped at the chance! :LOL My boob hurts less than it did earlier, but it's still unbelievably sore . I put some more gentian violet on my nipple, but that didn't help the rest of the boob, just the nipple.

we have snow on the ground. it was really warm last week (mid-60's) and it was supposed to be warm again this week, but last night before we went to bed we saw snow coming down. it's not much, but it's something! i love snow.

i don't know if i mentioned it here, but I have pictures of BooBah cruising in my sig! she's so amazing, i just have to brag.

[tea olive]

mona, i really enjoyed your last post. maybe because i'm on a similar loop - i just had terrible pms and am finally mellowing with the flow.

warning: 2-3 doesn't gain much weight. usually they just elongate. i know of many children that did not change weight the entire year of being 2.

ruby is yelling to nurse.

[MamaFern]

im feeling much better today-emotionally anyways.. im still getting over this sickness..but elwynn and i bundled up and even though its was POURING rain we walked to town. it felt good to strtch my legs and i actually love being out in the rain. it feels like the drops wash all of the tension away. we walked for about 3 hours all over the place.. we had miso soup and veggie sushi (a special treat!) at a little sushi plce in town and i took him to get weighed and to play at the heath unit.. he is taller for sure but no fatter

ive decided to stop feeding him dairy and wheat for a while and see if that helps..maybe he is sensitive to them like i am..so i got some organic goat milk (which is what i used to give him) its a bit more expensive, but higher in fat and protein..i bought him a big bag of mixed nuts and he is happily munching on and washing them down with a cup of goats milk. i know that it is unlikely that he will gain a lot fast but even a pound would be amazing for him. just so he can wear pants without them falling off!

elwynn and haeven have fighting almost non stop. they just dont get on well.. there has to be constant supervision and even when there is someone right there stuff still happens.. elwynn is soooo sensitive..maybe being sick makes him more so.. haeven often just wants to play and as soon as she goes near him he screams bloody murder.. it is very stressful for me and jasanna.. i really hope that they grow out of this soon! its hard to have a nice visit with someone in a situation like this and i feel badly about it..

but my walk helped. i realised neither of us can change this now..and it isnt our faults either..it is something that the kids are going to have to sort out and maybe its just not the right time for them to do that..

[saritasmile]

hi mama's! we are back from our trip to see dp's family. am i right that dp stands for 'dear partner'? i decided not to call him dh until he earns it.

razi has been 24 lbs since at least last may. he's gotten taller but no weight. he's a pretty picky eater too. i still love to carry him around in my sling so i'm not complaining.

it was fun meeting some mdc moms last week. i actually played w/ one family a few times we got on so well! i even traded a sling for a hat w/ ears. i can't knit so it was great and i 've always wanted a hat like that.

eilonwy, i looked at your pics. very cute!! it's funny how you get an idea in your head about what people look like and it's always fun to see for real! i wish i would just figure out how to post pics. i just got some really cute ones of razi wearing his new rainbow doll in his sling.

razi has been a bit different lately. he's been very into 'razi do it!' including climbing up onto the big potty alone. luckily he didn't fall in! he also is suddenly doing better w/ telling me he has to pee before he does so i can get the dipe off. also he is now very confident at jumping off the kitchen counter into the rocking chair all by himself! yes, lovely heart attack stuff. actually i really rather him be good at that stuff. i think he doesn't fall as easily because he has confidence in what he can do. if he decides he wants to do something a little crazy i always try and spot him and teach him till he gets good. i think this scares many people i know. :LOL

mamafern- i understand about kids not getting along and the stress that comes w/. it's really draining to be watching 100% of the time. i feel tired just thinking about it!

[majazama]

I wrote a long post while I was on fern's half-working computer, and it dissapeared, but just was going to say, yep, those 2 years olds are not going to get along for quite awhile. I'm at my gramas house right now, it's so bad. We can't even hang out together (fern and I) because of these babies. It's hard because haeven and elwynn are not at all equal in size, so for me, I don't really have to worry about my baby getting hurt in their scuffles, she just pushes him over with two fingers, but elwynn bites. Haeven just goes near him sometimes, and he screams like she is hurting him, so she promptly lives up to this expectation. It is totally s. So while I was there, I stayed in my room with haeven, and then the babies were fighting under the door!!!!!!!! This is (i think) Karma, as my brother and I fought all the time, and my mom was always telling us to stop (single mom). And my mom hates this even more, I think, that her grandchildren now fight.*sigh* Any wise words?

[tea olive]

jaza, how long are you visiting? if it is within two weeks, i would say meet at more neutral territories, like not fern's place, and any possible outside because the sensory enrichment can calm the dynamic. outside parks have always been safest for me but also most boring with least amenities. if it is for awhile, then i think that they can reach a kind of accord.

but honestly, it sounds like it is too much for the both of you, that it is depleting your energy. i write that with all of my deepest sympathy because i have been there so many times and still deal with it. but knowing that limit is a power you can work with. i suggest outings with others invited like jaz's mum. they two of them will act different around a different person whether adult or child. and parks have other kids so they don't feel compelled to have to play with each other. walks with separate strollers. i know it is cold but inside usually riles my kids so i have to be choosy and careful with restaurants and other public places. is there a university near you? i find the college near me to be a very neutral and grand place to take my kids - lots of public childproof structures and few know it all adults and running space and we can play out knowing we can go in at any time. other places for me are governmental structures like grounds at the capitol and other public spaces.

as for fern's home (since i'm sure y'll wil be there at some point again!), elwynn's special things will have to be put away for safekeeping, and bluntly, it has much to do with your coping skills fern. i have the impression of an introverted (gaining energy from quiet and alone) and artistic sensibility....that in my experience does not cope with change easily, and with the combination of elwynn's personality, is perhaps quite a big shock for boisterous haeven. (it takes me two weeks to get adjusted to changes i invoke myself like i'm just getting used to my semiclean house). and you jaz have a baby and are coping with not being home so you have much to cope with as well.

one of you may have to shop for a few items for neutral play to crack open when they are together like a pack of stickers to cut into strips or balloons and a balloon pump or a couple flashlights. having other loved ones over can ease the dynamic, or having a more structured occasion like a party with cake and perhaps a sisterhood ritual. if you have a better sense of purpose and pace they will feel more comfortalbe if you are comfortable with a set pattern. kids do need limits to feel safe, and some habits do make things easier. like my kids expect to eat as soon as they get to granny's or amah's house. and at my friend jessica's, they always take at least one bath each. and usually that happens around the time the two of us have a cup of coffee.

a long shot in the dark, since i have never met or talked with you personally. if you can agree with each other that you know you are both doing your best and you love and accept each other no matter what, then things will go fine. the kids are too young to remember and i promise years from now you will either be laughing about their interactions or you will have forgotten. sometimes we have to see our kids as pure wild animal creatures and it is a beautiful thing.

love casina

[mum5]

Hi mamas. I am kind of new to this board, but not to MDC. I have 1 dd, December 3rd 2004, and am 37 weeks pg right now, so we shall see!!

I did not read all the posts, way too many, and too much for my preggo brain to take in all at once!

Anyway, just wanted to get your input on this problem that is going on in our house.
DD is such a sweet girl, really compasionate and happy, but lately ( since Christmas ) has been saying NO and NOW lots, but in a screaming bratty kind of way, and to everything. Suddenly a couple of days ago she didn't want to listen to anything that we asked her to do, eat, get dressed, just normal things like that. Everything is a battle. We have tried to explain to her in many ways that no and now are not words to be used in a bad way, that we don't talk like that etc. but it is just not working.
I would not really be concerned , but it seems to be spreading into everything that she does, and we just want to nip this horrible bratty behaviour in the bud right now.

Any suggestions?
Thanks so much, Jasmine

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by ella-makes-3

Hi mamas. I am kind of new to this board, but not to MDC. I have 1 dd, December 3rd 2004, and am 37 weeks pg right now, so we shall see!!

Wow-- how'd you manage that?


Last night, I developed a sudden and terrible migraine. It was bad enough that if my sister hadn't been fighting with her ex, I'd have asked her to take me to the ER for a shot of demerol. It was absolutely horrific, and I was out of practice for dealing with it since I haven't had a headache like that since I was pregnant with BeanBean. I'm thinking that this is a sign of my period's imminent return. Blech.

BeanBean patted me gently on the head while I was writhing in pain and said "You wanna cry, mamma?" He was such a doll. Then he and his sister both curled up on top of me and fell asleep. It's really cool how they do that-- on some level, they know that something is wrong and that the best thing for them to do is get very quiet and sleep, but they have to be touching mamma so they know that I'm alright. I stuck them on their boobs and they passed out promptly.

My little man was very loud last night after we got home. He just couldn't relax, and Mike was tense and miserable (it was 3 am) from staying up too late. I finally got him calm long enough to get his sister back to sleep, and I took him to pee (which was what he really needed, despite his assertions to the contrary). Then he nursed back to sleep, eventually. It was a long night, though.

[punkprincessmama]

rynna, hows the sore boob?

just popping in to say hi mamas, Zoom isn't feeling well today

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by punkprincessmama

rynna, hows the sore boob?

just popping in to say hi mamas, Zoom isn't feeling well today

Thanks for asking. It still hurts, but it's nothing on the migraine i had last night, from which I am still recovering. I hope Zoom feels better soon.

[DecemberSun]

Now I have a sore boob! It's kinda under my armipit on my left side. I have a warm compress on it, but I'm not even sure what the heck the pain is, so I'm not sure if this will work. I once had a clogged milk duct when Zach was really little, and it kinds feels like that, only I can't feel where it's clogged (no hard spots), it just hurts. Weird.

Jas and Fern- Zachary is always a total brat to my mom. It irks me so!!! He knows her very well, and we go over to their house all the time, but for some unknown reason he is just rude when we go over there. It is so frustrating and it seems like there is nothing I can do about it- I think the more I want Zachary to be nice the more he likes to be mean. Sometimes I can give him a little talk before we go in and he'll be good, but most of the time he's clingy and screaming and a total BRAT. So I can relate to your little problem of the cousins not getting along. They almost sense that we want them to be good, so they have to do the total opposite, YK? Good luck you two.

Solsticemama, I hope your move is going smoothly. You must be lost in boxes and unpacking and cleaning. We miss you.

[MamaFern]

ella-makes-3: did you mean dec.2002?

well, i woke up today and with my new yoga book from the library in hand did 1 hour and 15 mins of stretching and breathing. gosh it felt good. ive done all of the poses lots before, mostly in classes, but i never seem to be able to motivate myself to do it at home and its so hard to get out.. but i just woke up and pee'd and went into my room, shut the door and did it. elwynn was so good! he only came knocking at the door once saying "momma? yoga?" and i said yes, ill be done soon! and he went away to play. now im eating breakfast and feeling really good about myself. its amazing how a bit of yoga helps.. i walk a lot but thats about all of the exercise i get..and thought walking is great i often feel like the rest of my body is stuck.. im stiff in places ive never been before, but i know after a few days ill be all stretched out. im going to do it every morning, if possible, and at least 4.. its my goal.

s to all you mommas with sore boobs.. ive never experienced that.. ive always had a problem with not enuff milk, not too much..

carrie, my little dude is sick too..

rynna: eli is so sweet!

[majazama]

Casina~ Thanks for the advice. We should try and do some neutral territory playtime. It's so rainy here though. It's ok when we go out, cause the babies are in their respective strollers/shopping carts/ slings.

Fern~ maybe I could come over tonight after elwynn is in bed and we could watch that movie we rented.