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UC support thread #13, January 05' - Page 6

post #101 of 177
sorry for the double post, but I forgot to add...

we get our ow-wn for-um, we get our ow-wn for- um!! Yay!
post #102 of 177
Well no baby yet, but I'm more ready. I cleaned the whole house and scrubbed the bath tub. I'm washing some baby things and I packed a few things in the car just in case. I figure if I have it in there I won't need it at all. Still having pain-free contractions and lots of pressure, of course I know this could continue for weeks.

How's everybody else doing?

post #103 of 177
I'm having a little psycological/philosophical dilemna here:

I realized last night, after about a week of nightly prodromal labor that I may be part of what is holding this birth up. I am totally obsessed with every little sign and signal my body gives that *may* indicate immanent labor. While I don't time contractions, I am constantly noting how and where I feel them and keep thinking things like "this is new, stronger, different, whatever" and almost convincing myself this is really *it*, only to be totally disappointed when this is just another step in the journey...not *it*.

I am doing exactly what I know NOT to do: focusing on my educated mind and relentlessly examining the minutia of what is happening instead of trusting my body's innate intelligence to do what its supposed to do when it is good and ready to do it! I am just having such a hard time letting go! I think this reflects my personality in general (I'm a semi-control freak, although having children has mellowed me somewhat). I can let go of more "external" things but I am having a lot more trouble letting go when considering my own body...which I should know better than to think I am *in control* of!

So...today's mantra: "Let GO, Let GO, Let Go...the baby knows and you don't...Let GO!"

post #104 of 177
Oh Mar, I can totally see that being ME! I have a feeling I'll be struggling with the very same thing. I'm already using "let go" affirmations. At least you're aware of it, so you can do (or NOT do) something about it. Sending many "Surrender" vibes to you! As I keep hearing about birth "just let it happen."

Stacey -- still thinking about you. Hope all is going well.

I'll be 36 weeks (I think?) on Saturday. Dh and I are having a final birth-prep talk tomorrow at lunch. I can feel some old fears seeping their way to the surface -- fears that I thought I'd put to rest. Like what if this, what if that. I guess this is normal, though, huh? I remember some of you other mamas going through the same thing -- were you able to resolve your fears before the birth? And I guess it's okay to have *some* fear, right? As long as faith is the major driver....
Just a jumble of thoughts this morning. Hope you mamas are doing well.
post #105 of 177
I've also been meaning to thank you, Brandi, for taking the initiative for getting our own forum. Thank you!! And Yay!!!!
post #106 of 177
Hi Mar
I totally know what you mean. The night I went into labor with my dd2, I had a "cleansing" episode. I needed to psycologically let go of any hangups I had, with family, friends, past experiences and such. Any burdens I had hanging over my head, no matter how small, needed to be resolved or at least accepted in order for me to be free to birth.
That was a tough thing to do, but once done, I think that helped me go into "real" labor and have a satisfying birth.
I think prodromal labor has a big effect on the birth as well as the process of going into labor. It not only prepared my body for the big day, but signaled me to get ready mentally as well and Clean out the closets!!! kwim?
Best to you and happy birth vibes are coming your way!
post #107 of 177
Mar, I'm right there with you. Trying to control to much and spending way to much mental time analyzing every twinge etc. I was convinced last night was going to be it. More contractions, even crampy ones, lots of pressure etc. But here I sit still pg. Decided I needed to wash diapers today and maybe organize something. The house is already cleaner than its ever been and I think dh is hoping I don't have the baby too soon so the cleaning will continue...lol.

post #108 of 177
Yet another nod of agreement ... I have been getting excited for at least two weeks now - "the baby is coming!" but not too seriously. I was totally caught off guard for ds and now I am analyzing every little movement, squeeze, new sensation and wondering if today will be the day. I get a bit nervous because I am so excited to see the baby. Things were good with "dad" for a bit and I had hoped the baby would come then. Now that things are messed up I am more worried about being totally alone, mostly for the intense last stage before pushing. I want someone there who can comfort me and get me things like drinks, ya know? I have been working on that and telling myself and the baby that everything will be okay, there is nothing to fear, that I am strong and that we can do it. I'm not sure if the baby feels safe yet, I know this baby is ready but I'm sure my emotional uncertainty is holding it back from coming. It should be anyday now ... unless it isn't. All of these squeezes are making me feel impatient though!!!
post #109 of 177
hi mamas! wow, we have some babies getting ready to show up. and some that are getting ready to get ready to show up! oh, and stacy, what a cute smiley baby!! beautiful family pics...you too, bv, thanks for posting those, what a great family!

i had a thought, that kate, you may've thought of too, being a first timer. i was wondering about post partum. we talk about pg (up), and birth (uc)...but what about after the baby is here: upp? i mean, maybe it's pretty basic-- you stare and are in awe, you sleep, you breastfeed, bleed, maybe cramp, keep baby warm, eat placenta, eat food, drink water...is there anything i'm missing? like, one thought i had is with breastfeeding. i know about feeding on demand, but with a newborn is it better to wake them up to feed rather than them waking up from crazy-hunger for the first time in this body--do they get so hungry that it's hard to latch on? is post-partum just something that happens and it's fine to go with it vs. learning about it ahead of time? i just don't even know, all my friends have had midwives who checked on them and held the info in their heads so they didn't need to. it seems like it'll be simple after the birth, but i just thought i'd ask, since i might be missing something in the simplicity and not realize it.

as for telling family/others, we've been able to tell some friends that we knew would be supportive. everyone else we're telling that we've decided that the pregnancy feels really personal/private and we're not going to be sharing out prenatal/birthing plans. we're still discussing if we're going to tell them after the birth. i don't want to deal with their fears with the next pregnancy, since then they'd know we'd be freebirthing, but dh seems to want to sing it loud and sing it proud! also, what i've found helpful is that even though our due date is the end of march, we're saying late spring. that is the latest we'd go if we went 44 weeks, so i figure it's not a total lie. and after how dh's family acted with our wedding (controlling, trying to make it look like a traditional wedding anywhere they could), i have no problem telling them why we told them what we did after the fact. but, since this is our 1st, we just don't know what to expect, so we're trying to be really vague and only be around supportive people.

oh, speaking of that, i remembered a question, for the group and for kate. have you thought of asking some of the mamas here who've already uc'd to be on a phone list for during the birth? i'm wondering if it would be helpful, even if it's not used, to have someone who's birthed, much less uc'd to call and say "am i ok?!", or to know that if you needed to call them, you could? i'm trying to heed the advice and prepare for the intensity that people say cause 1st timers to transfer. my uc-supportive mw friend, said that 2 mw's she knows planned to freebirth and both transferred b/c they weren't prepared for the intensity. she offerred this advice: dh should be prepared that if you get to the point that you just don't think you can do it (she tried to avoid using the word 'transition' and said some women don't experience it) and it's just too much, that dh should say, "good! that means the baby is almost here! you're doing great!" she had alot of great advice...very supportive and helpful.

mama2lennon~sending you strength and courage vibes. i wish i could be there to help you. remember that this baby you're carrying has his/her own wisdom and path to walk and the birth will be perfect, and just as he/she needs it to be. you are a strong, wise woman, and i'm sorry that this challenge is coming right now. maybe you can do some things ahead of time, or as labor starts, like setting out drinks with bendy straws, and small snacks whereever you may labor. maybe the birth will be too short to need them. the baby will attract to it what's needed for it's birth. i'm keeping gentle, perfect birth thoughts for you.
post #110 of 177
I FINALLY finished reading all of the UC threads! I have got my husband on board and everything is looking good for having our first child via UC in May. I am so thankful that these support threads were here so that I could stumble upon them.
post #111 of 177

It is an interesting question you pose about "upp".

I have mixed thoughts. I agree that some type of preparation is in order, but I am not sure what all that would entail. The number one advice I usually give to new parents is "trust yourself, listen to your instincts, no one knows your child better than you". This is pretty much the application of UC philosophy to parenting in my mind.

There are so many choices to make as parent and I have seen parents become completely bogged down and bamboozled by the myriad information and ideas and cultural choices that they lose all trust in themselves and their ability to communicate with their child. I have seen nursing issues that in my opinion were entirely brought up by parents trying to follow a bunch of rules and not doing what seemed *right*.

I was very concerned about about being proactive rather than a reactive parent when I was pregnant with my first, but I didn't know how to *do that* so I just tried to keep a really open mind. Luckily, I found MDC very soon after my first was born and it helped me to gel some of my philosophical choices early on. Once I knew *why* I wanted to parent...the individual choices became easy, KWIM? Even things like nursing and comforting a child and all that fell into place. That's not to say I never asked my mom or another trusted source for some input...but even with them, I have always trusted my instincts first.

So, over all; You know deep down exactly what to do...and when in doubt, keep cruising these boards. I don't agree with many things I read (even here) but they all make me think and better understand what IS right for me and my family.

UPP is just like UP and UC...you just rely on yourself and your inner wisdom!
post #112 of 177
Thread Starter 
I am putting in a request to have some threads moved to our new forum. I am obviously going to have our big thread moved. If there are any other threads that you know of that you would like to have moved as well, please pm me a link. I will put them all together in one pm to the moderator for our request. For now I will ask to have all the old big threads moved as well, perhaps we could have an archive eventually. Once we are all settled and moved we can get some sticky threads together for resources too. Thank you!
post #113 of 177
quick notes here...

Brandi, thanks for pushing for an UC forum. Now I'm worried I will never be able to read all the questions to help, though.:LOL

CluckyinAZ~WOW, I'm impressed that you read through all of the threads! That must have taken a few days! Welcome, and good luck.

Well, a friend of mine who was planning an UC had her baby safe and sound. It was a very fast labour, and she tore really badly, because she wanted the baby born before the other people who lived in the house got home (including the dad) She ended up getting stitches. I think her labour was like 3 hours, total. It was a 6 1/2lb. little girl and her name is Cedar. Congrats momma and baby!
post #114 of 177
Oh, I love the name Cedar! How pretty! Thanks for sharing Mamajaza!

Brandi -- thanks again for your continuing efforts on our UC forum. How are doing physically and mentally? I hope all is going well. I think of you often.

CluckyinAZ-- yes, VERY impressive that you've read through all the threads! Welcome! It's great to see another 1st time mama.

Sprinkle -- you know, I really like your idea of a phone-support list. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather get advice from than you wonderful mamas here. If other people are up for it, I'd definitely take advantage.
I've also thought a lot about upp -- but I figure as Mar said, that I'll figure it out as I go along. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not prepared enough and perhaps I'm underestimating everything (tends to be my MO) but then I keep hearing "keep it simple, keep it simple." I just hope I'm not in for an overwhelming shock!

Stacey -- how are you doing? Don't know if you're in labor yet, but I did have a question for you. I know you don't tie the cord before cutting, and we're not planning to either. How close to the belly button to you cut and how long do you wait - -until it stops pulsing, obviously -- but do you wait longer? And I think I saw in a recent post that you don't treat the cord, either? So you don't clean it? If this has worked for you in the past, I definitely think it's the route I'll take as well.

Hope all you mamas are well.
post #115 of 177
Hey Mama! Did you see that our new Unassisted Birth Forum is the Featured Forum on Mothering's Homepage today???? WOW!!!!!!!!!!!
post #116 of 177
Thread Starter 
Hi Kate, thank you for asking after me I am still nauseous, but it seems to be getting less so as the days go by. Very tired. Mentally, is just a day to day thing. I have to make a consious effort to keep the fears at bay. It is really strange to have to do this. I feel robbed that I will never be able to have a comfortable blissfull pregnancy again. So many what ifs. I still trust in my body completely, and birth is not an issue/fear for me, it is just wondering if baby is all right. With Galadriel, my instincts spoke to me, but this time I feel the fear muddles that voice, so like I said, one day at a time.

I can't believe how close so many of you are getting! It is so exciting and gives me hope and encouragement!!

Love to you,
post #117 of 177
Sprinkle Pocket ~ Thank you so so much for those words!!! If I wasn't in a public place right now I would be crying. I got chills ... I feel your energy.
the biggest hug I could muster up - with my huge belly baby in the middle!
post #118 of 177
Hey Kate

No baby yet...but I hesitate to say no labor because I do think my body is getting ready. Anyway, I'm more patient today, trying to just go with the flow. I've decided that the early part of the week, any week, is better than the end or weekend so I'm hoping now for no baby until Monday at least. With 3 older kids the weekends are just packed and this weekend I've got birthday parties for my two boys, then my daughter has a sleepover party and Sunday another one to attend. Calgon take me away...lol.

Anyway, as far as the cord. With Forrest it was cut after it stopped pulsing sort of long, then cut shorter a bit later. We did nothing special to it, just tried to keep it dry but I didn't stress about it. It fell off in about a week with no ill effects. I decided to go that route after I read an article in a Compleat Mother issue or maybe a book they sold. Anyway, the woman who wrote it made the point that no other mammal takes any care with the cord. They just bite it off and it will drag on the ground or whatever and the baby is fine. Made sense to me and it worked great. One less thing to worry about ya know

post #119 of 177
welcome clucky...wow, allll the threads! spark was a funny one, wasn't she? there's alot of good info in them. when i re-read them now being pg is different than when i wasn't ttc and when i was ttc. i learn more each time.

thanks for sharing about cedar's birth mamajaza. i think of birthing without dh sometimes. i get more whiny when he's around, so wonder if i'll just suck it up and come into my center of strength or if it'll end up feeling easier to ask him to step away. we'll see. i still have a couple months to go.

brandi, you rock for getting the subforum to happen!! i think we'll all gain so much more from being able to follow different thoughts for longer. they definitely get lost and for me, it's hard to remember everything i want to respond to or ask about.

mar, thanks for your thoughts about upp. and gentle birthing vibes to you!

kate, how have you been feeling/preparing now that you're in the *final* stretch? (oh, gosh, no pun intended about the "stretch"! or am i the only one who would've noticed?). i've read here and i think in books about just cutting the cord after it's white and quiet and not needing to do anything to it. i agree with the pp (stacey?) who mentioned that humans are the only ones who mess with it, but also soapy-bathe newborns and put store bought goop on them right away and stuff. it seems like klothos or someone had a little blood trying to leak out and they just used a clothespin for a bit, i guess so it could have a chance to coagulate. i read somewhere in a mw-assisted birth story about a very rural birth where it took 1 1/2 or 2 hrs for normal breathing to get established and the placenta stayed attached with the cord pulsing until breathing was good. nature's wisdom to protect the babe. i find stories like that reassuring. i expect i'll wait a bit after the cord stops pulsing just to give it time, but soon enough that i can eat the placenta.

oh, mama2lennon, i've been there with the holding back tears at the public computer thing! keep on keepin' on!
post #120 of 177
Kate, I can't believe you're so close already!

I freaked out a little around 36-37 weeks. Not even really about anything specific, just this sick feeling in my gut. I talked to some UCers online about it, they were not very helpful, it was like they were defensive about it. Like they didn't want me to be afraid because it somehow blemished the image of UC as this perfect choice. Anyway, what ended up bringing me out of it was just spending time with positive, nurturing women. It made me wonder if that wasn't the original purpose of having women around during the time of birthing -- to envelope the mother with a positive mental and emotional energy. (Of course, the risk in that is that the opposite energy would have the opposite effect, and you can't necessarily foresee how it will go.) It makes me wonder too if those fears would have developed in the first place if I had that around me all the time, instead of being so isolated.
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