I am scared to have another baby

[Vegarchist]

I am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but...

Ds is almost 1 and I just got my moon back for the first time last month. I am not sure if that has anything to do with it but I have been feeling the stirrings of desire to have another baby. The problem is that at 24 mo. pregnant with ds, I was diagnosed with an "incompetant cervix" (God, I hate that *bleep*ing term : ). I went on immediate bed rest and spent 5 weeks in the hospital. Ds was born joyously naturally, in what was as close to a home birth as you can get at the hospital, at 32 weeks. Four weeks in the NICU and FINALLY I brought my beautiful baby home. After who-can-remember-how-long of pumping every *3* hours (talk about over-abundance, I was feeding three babies! DS and two on my donated milk), I joyously weaned off of the pump and weaned ds off of the stinking bottle and lo and behold we were in sinc and have been madly in love ever since. So now, the thought of going through bedrest, pumping, worrying, hospital, NICU... I am so scared.

The dr's say it is likey that I will have the same problem again and want me to have an "elective procedure" known as a cervical cerclage. For those who don't know, it's like putting a purse string in your cervix. Now, I am not a fan of dr's as a rule and cerclage is the last thing I want to do, not to mention it's problematic and some studies even say they don't work at all and can even cause miscarriage. But what am I going to do? I have been putting off thinking too much about this with the new baby to worry about. But I want more children and the time to decide is coming.

I guess I am just wondering if anyone has been through anything like this and looking for some words of wisdom and support.

Moderator, please move this if it would go over better elsewhere....


Much Love to You, Sisters.


In Solidarity,
Heather

[Cynthia Mosher]

Heather, I've moved your post to Birth and Beyond. It sort of fits here and I think you'll get more response here too.

[sohj]

Why is "the time to decide" coming so soon? Your little one is only a year old.

And, there is nothing wrong with being concerned about elective surgery. It is your body after all.

BTW, have you considered adopting?

[lisabc311]

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I don't blame you for being anxious about another problematic pregnancy. It's only natural. I think that sometimes you have to go on faith and go with your heart on these matters. It *might* happen again....but it *might not* either!

My situation isn't exactly like yours....but I was put on bedrest at 28 weeks with my DS because of preterm contractions and I was beginning to dilate. The bedrest was lifted at 35 weeks and DS was born just 3 days before his due date.

When I got pregnant again I worried if it would happen again. I am now 35 weeks pregnant and have had no problems at all with this pregnancy!

As for the cervical cerclage- yes, it's a controversial procedure. So I would do lots of research and speak with several doctors about it and then GO WITH YOUR HEART.

Best of luck to you!!!

[Vegarchist]

Thanks for moving this, I was getting a little depressed that no one was responding.

Sohj, you're right that it is too soon to be thinking about having another baby. I think that with ds's birthday coming and the return of my cycle I am feeling for the first time since his birth those "urges" that got him conceived in the first place! I guess it's my clock ticking again. And with those thoughts come the fears about another pregnancy. I have thought about adoption and me and dh want to adopt a child eventually, but not until we have any babies we are going to have first so that the new babe/child can be the "baby" of the family.

Scariest thing is thinking about going through all of that I went through before with a toddler! How will I care for him if I am on bedrest? I can't even imagine getting through morning sickness with a little guy to take care of. I know tons of wimmin do it, but how?

I am coming to terms with the fact that I am just going to have to come to a compromise incorparating western medicine and spiritual, natural birth. As far as getting a cerclage, I can not imagine ever thinking that is the right thing to do for me and dc.

Bless you for listening...

[paquerette]

What are the statistics on incompetent cervix recurring? Wouldn't they have to assess whether it happened again after you get pg? A girl I used to work with had her son last Jan; she had an i.c. and was on bed rest for a few months. She just had her girl in Dec., and had no problems with it. She didn't even seek any medical care until she was 6 mo. or so (not out of choice, out of necessity )

[etoilech]

I can understand your urge to have another one. I had my son at 29 weeks and the urge to get pregnant again immediately after having him was OVERWHELMING. I really believe that when you have a premature birth your brain/body has an intense desire to "complete" the pregnacy. It is strange isn't it? I know what you mean about pumping enough to feed 3. I had something like 50 L of breastmilk stored at the hospital milk kitchen when we brought Erik home. :

We are now considering our second child too, however, I will *not* go forward with TTCing until I find a midwife that I feel comfortable with and I feel will be my avocate. They aren't sure why I when into preterm labor... possibly a urea plasma infection, but nothing concrete.

Cerlage is debate able. I met ladies in the NICU that even with the cerlage went into labor so, I don't really know what to think about it.

I understand your fear of having another preemie. I think about it a lot. We would have a 2 and a half year old if we started trying and got pregnant asap and it worries me if I had to be hospitalized and/or spend time and the hospital with the new baby due to prematurity. It's also hard to think of being pregnant now with my toddler.

I don't have any real advice, just some hugs and I know how you feel. I do think that finding the right midwife or ob for you is a very important step. It may help ease your mind about things.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat sometime.

Olivia

[JanetF]

A woman in my birth group lost her first son to her opening cervix when he was 24 weeks gestation. With her second pregnancy she had the cerclage and went on to have a beautiful home water birth at 39 weeks having had the stitch out at 32 weeks. Her MW was prepared to assist her in birthing at home any time after 35 weeks.

Sounds like your pregnancy, and immediate aftermath, were very distressing and processing that will be healing in and of itself, and separate from whether or not you choose to add to your family. At least in subsequent pregnancies you would be aware of the potential problem and not surprised by it. This would allow you to research vigorously and decide how you want to proceed, not only follow medical advice

And yes, "incompetent cervix" is one of the more rude OB terms. My friend worked up a list of alternatives and gave them to the hospital LOL.

J

[Vegarchist]

Originally Posted by paquerette

What are the statistics on incompetent cervix recurring? Wouldn't they have to assess whether it happened again after you get pg? )

You would think that they would need to know, but that's the catch. In order to do the procedure, it has to be within a window of time that would most likely be before we would see any changes in my cervix. That's why it's elective surgery, because we would just have to assume that things were going to go badly. I am not sure what the numbers are on recurrance of incompetent cervix, they don't know why it happens so they just call any premature dilation of the cervix "incompetent cervix." :

Etoilech, thanks for the support. I guess I forgot to mention that I was planing a homebirth when all of this happened. I have the best midwife (doesn't every womyn think her midwife is the best? ). She was an amazing advocate for my desires and needs in the hospital. She also helped me decipher the medical talk and make hard decisions about what I was willing to agree to. When my babe was born, it was just her and dh and I and the most amazing goddess-send of a nurse. The doc sat in a rocker in the shadows and watched the monitor. He didn't get involved until ds started crowning. He knew we had it under control when he came in the room.

If there has to be a doctor involved I am glad to have him. He said I had a very dynamic cervix. I liked that term much better and I told him we should lobby to change it to "dynamic cervix" instead. We named our Volkswagon bus after him, he was kind of built like a bus so it seemed fitting (though I doubt he breaks down as often). Another thing, it was his birthay when ds was born, quite a syncronicity.

Janet, I am surprised that they took your friends cerclage out at 32 weeks! That's still 8 weeks early, was there a reason? My midwife was only comfortable doing a homebirth at 36 weeks and she is really hardcore! She would have done it but said she would not have the equiptment to keep a baby in respitory distress going.

I appreciate the response to this issue. It's going to be a hard choice of what to take and what to leave. Ulimately I will have to do some soul searching and listen to my momma's intuition. I wanted to include this link for those who don't know about the contorversy over cerlage:

Obstetrics & Gynecology

[Eli's_mom]

My SIL had a problem with her cervix as well. Their first son was born naturally at 20 weeks and he only lived for 9 minutes. With their second, she had to take it very easy from the beginning, then they stitched her cervix closed, but some of the stitches came out so she was hospitalized and on bedrest for the last trimester. He was born via c-section. Their third son was almost the same as their second, only the stitches didn't come out by accident so she was able to stay home on bedrest for the last half of her pregnancy. Her mom lives only a couple hours away, so she was able to help out a lot. Also, my SIL spent a lot of time with their toddler while she was on bedrest....reading...playing games on the bed. She just relied on help to keep the house in order. Then her water broke and she was going into labor at 38 weeks and they did a c-section as well. I don't understand why she had to have c-sections. She said she wished she didn't, but that she had to because of her cervix problem. She also had to have u/s every week for the last trimester with both her sons because of it.

[calebsmama03]

Vegarchist -, I'm going through a similar situation right now so can at least offer perspective if not real advice
I had preterm labor with DS - started ctx at 23 weeks, ctx made my cervix "short" and it was funneling (opening at the top), spent 2 weeks in the hosp on major meds to stop labor, then strict bedrest at home (only allowed up to use bathroom, only 2 showers a week) and oral meds around the clock and was STILL contracting daily. Thankfully my DS was born at 37 weeks with a wonderful CNM in a natural hospital birth. I was terrified about the prospect of having another baby, and the idea of incomp. cervix was brought up as a possible cause of my issues. I found myself pg again in Sept, despite nursing my 18 mos old 6 times a day and using condoms! I was/am far from mentally prepared to face these issues again, but am trying to relax as muh as possible. My OB (the CNM left and I'm in the process of finding a HBMW so I went to the OB who co-managed me after I had the PTL last time) has been watching closely, which unfortunately has meant vaginal u/s every visit My cervix was looking great, but unfortunately I started having some ctx just before Christmas. They were easily managed with a dose of oral meds, but when I went for a check up and u/s my cervix was "short" again (25mm, or 2.5 cm). I was devastated and just sobbed over how I would manage bedrest with a toddler (22mos) and the possibility of cerclage surgery. I did a ton of research (including the one you referenced) and in the end concluded that for ME cerclage was not the answer, as my uterus was far too iritable to risk it. This is what I was told during my first pg in the hospital - that the cerclage could stimulate ctx so strong that it would tear my cervix - yikes! I went to see a specialist again last week and thankfully my cervix hasn't changed so I'm on modified activity/limited bedrest. He agreed (without my having to fight about it) that the cerclage would not likely benefit me given that my cervix held up to all the ctx last time and didn't dilate at all till around 34 weeks. The plan for my care right now is to check back again in 2 weeks and see how my cervix is and just try to keep ctx at bay. I hope and pray that things will stay stable and I can go to term and have a homebirth.

I don't know the specifics of your situation/your cervix but I'd definitely encourage you to research the issue and decide what is best for YOU. I included all the details about my past and current situation so you can compare/use it for reference FWIW. I'm still in the throes of it all, so I can't answer the "how does it end up" questions yet, and it is definitely physically and emotionally stressful. For me, I felt best having an OB follow me (at least initially) so she was familiar with me in case anything should happen - I didn't want to end up with whomever was on call at the ER that night! You can always do a watchful waiting approach and see if your cervix begins to thin and have the cerclage then, as long as it doesn't get too far dilated. I know it's an awful decision to have to make.

As for handling the restrictions with a toddler, I have no family around so it's tough. I work PT (3 days) and my sitter has been keeping him on those days so I can rest. I found C to be surprisingly adaptable, as well. I still lift him for naps and night time, but otherwise encourage him to climb on my lap or I sit on the floor with him. I taught him to climb into his carseat so I just stand there to steady him, etc. I'm going to use a grocery delivery service (new to my area) and DH is going to a prepare in advance dinner place so all I have to do is toss something in the oven each night. I'm paying for a lot of "convenience" things that for now are complete lifesavers to me! For me, I would not have chosen to be pg again just yet, but it is possible. Good luck in your decision making. There's no easy answers!

[mommy2be]

i have an incompetent cervix. i lost my first son because of it. (whole different story) however, with my second pregnancy, i got the cerclage, and it totally worked for me. my cervix was rapidly changing, but the stitches held up, and along with five LONG months on strict bedrest, drugs to stop contractions, and lots of bleeding, i made it! my cerclage got removed at 37 weeks, and four days later i had my babe. he was perfect. i have since talked to a lot of women who have had cerclages, and i personally dont know any who havent delivered a live, healthy baby.
im not at all saying to get the cerclage, im just letting you know my personal success with it.
i am terrified to get pregnant again, it is sooo scary. my baby is only seven months old and im worried about it, so i totally understand your babe being one and you worrying about it!
i went to four different doctors in the kansas city area, and they all said the cerclage is a very easy surgery and none of them had had any miscarriages with it (this can happen if the needle breaks your sac during the procedure)

anyways, best of luck to you, let me know if you would like to talk or have any questions! i also have tons of tips to make bedrest as enjoyable as possible! (and yes, that IS an oxymoron) but you get the drift!