Oh, my goodness. What a terrible doctor that was! I read your story and the whole time I was just wishing I could have been there with you so you'd have someone to talk for you!
You know what, though. We mommas go to all of this trouble to get the very best start for our babies, the start that we dream of, and sometimes it just does not happen. And it's ok. There are so many things that will affect your baby in these early months that you can overpower that whole experience with your positive memories.
Your beautiful baby is here, and healthy, and that is so important! I know right now it is hard to see that. You might need help to get through this. But someday it will just be a story that you tell your beautiful daughter!
Someday, you'll have so many positive, loving, wonderful memories and moments to think about, this will just be a faint shadow.
I'm sorry that not everyone who has posted here has been supportive of you. I hope you are able to heal from this horrible experience soon, and can move on. I had a horrible birth experience too (I turned off the pitocin in my IV a few times
) and I can tell, the memories have faded so much over the last year that now I can tell the story with amusement.