bedtime is making me CRAZY! help - Page 2

[LizD]

I have also lost my temper, through sheer exhaustion and need- and I know how stupid one feels losing it at *bedtime,* since it rather defeats the purpose of getting everyone to relax and give in to sleep!

Along with consistent routine, I have to add my two cents: an *early* bedtime can make all the difference. When my daughter was in kindergarten she was still going to bed between 7 and 7:30, and needed waking at 6:30 for school. Now she is 8 and goes to sleep sometime between 8 and 9, though we prefer closer to 8. She still sleeps all night and needs the alarm at 6:30. On weekends she sleeps til 7 or 8 even if she went to sleep at her usual bedtime. I think a lot of kids simply don't get enough sleep, and paradoxically, that makes it harder to fall asleep.

An early bedtime will also make for a more relaxed parent, because you will feel you have plenty of time to watch that movie or grade those papers or actually talk to your spouse or take a bath.

Another two cents: break the habit of being there until they're asleep as gently-but-firmly as you can. Promise to check on them, and do it, even every five minutes while you still need to, but go about your business too. You might step out, wash the dishes with check-in intervals, and then stay til they're asleep, for a start. Read a book with a booklight in a chair in their room. Answer the phone if it rings at bedtime, and go ahead and talk. If your child comes out, say, "I'll check on you in a minute, darling, but you have to go lie down now," and help her back to bed.

I don't mean those suggestions to sound harsh! I firmly believe in attachment parenting and think it's wonderful so many kids mentioned here have parents who actually *care* about keeping them company while they fall asleep! That said, keep in mind attachment parenting is also about making the child secure enough to move comfortably into independence. You can go ahead and give that movement a nudge now and again. And remember, you'll miss all this when bedtime becomes a hug and a kiss (and a confidence now and again), followed by, "ok, love you, don't read too late!"

sleep tight!

[lucina3]

For my children I always stayed with them til they were about 3 1/2 or 4, it seemed at that age it went from Mommy staying for 20 minutes to Mommy staying for 2+ hours. When this happened I changed the bedtime routine so they can lay in bed with a lamp on and look at books until they fall asleep. This works for all 3 girls - including my 2 very spirited daughters. Though, with my youngest we have a variation, she is allowed to draw on the magna doodle for the first 1/2 hour or so - she is always bursting with creativity and can't relax until she gets a lot of it out. At first I checked on them every 5 minutes, then every 10 etc... now we are up to "check-ons" every 30 minutes.

I also agree about early bedtimes. My girls have always gone to bed at 6:30 p.m. until this month. With 2 having homework every night I just couldn't get everything done in the evening & still get them to bed on time. Their bedtime now is 7:00 p.m. My older two usually fall asleep by 7:30 or 7:45. My youngest usually falls asleep between 8 and 8:30 - I think she just requires less sleep than most.

This works well for us, not perfectly of course (because nothing ever does!) We have some rough nights but overall it seems to be working! Hope this helps!

[cottonwood]

I don't know if this will be at all helpful, but here's what we do:

My oldest is 5 1/2, and I still cuddle with him as he goes to sleep, then roll away and get up again to have my private time. There are times when he fidgits fidgits fidgits until I am ready to scream. I firmly tell him "you need to stop that right now and go to sleep." I've found that I have to relax my body completely and kind of "zone out", because he can sense the tension in my body and no doubt guesses that I don't want to go to sleep -- and if I don't, why should he? (Sometimes I end up falling asleep too, but at those times I figure I need the sleep more than I need the alone time.) Most times with this routine he falls asleep and sleeps fine throughout the night by himself (his bed is next to mine.)

If he doesn't, I threaten him with putting him in the other bedroom alone so I can get some sleep ("I need to sleep so I can have lots of energy to be a good mama tomorrow!"), and if he is just being obstinate, this works, because he doesn't want to leave me. But if his body is simply not yet ready to sleep, I send him back downstairs, either setting him up in front of the TV or snuggled up with a book on the couch, and "be quiet and don't come back upstairs until you're ready to sleep!" -- reverse psychology, making it seem like sleeping is a privilege and something to be desired. A few times he's fallen asleep in front of the television (and we had to leave him there because he's too heavy to carry) but for the most part he looks forward to bedtime and acutally being in bed.

Don't underestimate the power of white noise! I snore, and so does my 3-year-old, and we wake each other and everybody else up. When we have a fan running at night to mask the abruptness of snoring, we have significantly less night-waking.

Finally, this probably goes without saying, but they definitely sleep easiest and longest when the day has been filled with activity, and sleep worst and have trouble going to sleep when they've had a lot of TV. When they've had a lot of physical and mental play throughout the day, I swear, they're out seconds after we lie down, and don't stir when I get back up again.

[joymum]

We had always been very consistent with my 3.5yo in our bedtime routine and the routine was long to give her plenty of time to get into a relaxed bedtime mode. Until she was 3 myself or DH always stayed with her until she fell asleep. Problem was that amount of time kept getting longer and longer (sometimes an hour plus) it was as if our being there was getting her wound up. DH and I had a parental pow wow and decided that this was not the way we wanted to end our day with her. We were both so frustrated and felt cheated out of time with each other. As children neither of us had a parent stay with us until we fell asleep and neither of us felt gyped by that. We also wanted to give our daughter a sense of the importance of our time with each other. We are attachment parents but not "child centered" we prefer family centered since no member of our family is more important than the others (child needs tend to be more immediate but that doesn't make the child more important). during a weekend day when we were all rested and happy we told her that after her stories and lullabyes she would then go to sleep on her own. If she needed us for anything at all we would be there for her (and we are). We delivered this news in a very matter-of-fact way because we didn't want her to see it as some sort of punishment (since it was not). Of course if she is sick or upset one of stays with her until she falls asleep and often ends up sleeping with her as well. My daughter goes to sleep much quicker on her own than she ever did when we stayed with her. We end our days happy and loving instead of frustrated and aching to be done with her. We also get to have adult time that is so important to maintaining a healthy marriage.


Different things work for different families. That's what worked for us.

[KandD]

Thank God for this board

Ok, I'm sending in my money tonight!

Thanks for all the wisdom and experience from all you moms out there. When I really think I'm losing it, I can come here for support and I always find a thread that deals with my issue.

The going to sleep thing has been horrendous the last week for my little almost-3.5 year old. I'm blaming a few things on it... a nasty little cold virus that attacked his eyes, adjusting to preschool, and my therapy.... he seems to respond energetically to what's going on in my life.

I thought I was a monster for being so upset some nights. In the past, there have been times when he dropped off beautifully and then we backslide again into these marathon getting-to-sleep sessions. I have noticed that sometimes when I left him alone (even just to say.. I have to go brush my teeth and I'll be back... that he fell asleep before I got back. So it dawned on me that perhaps it was just too "fun" to lay there with mom and try to go to sleep. I like the idea of the rocking chair in the room. I'll try that one.

Tonight was the worst, he was sooooo tired from no nap and a stimulating day... I finally put him the car (for the SECOND time tonight) and drove around listening to a self-help tape until he fell asleep.

Thanks, big hugs (((( ))))to all the mommas who struggle to do the right thing.
I'm a single mom but I realize there's not much difference in many ways.

[granolamom]

Hello this is granolamoms dd, Kait.

I remember when we were younger we hated to go to bed because we thought we would miss something fun that was going on.

Finally our parents would do really boring stuff at bedtime.( paying bills,knitting, listening to classical music... boring stuff for kids!!)

We also had a sort of bed time ritual that we each chose. Mom wrote down four things each that we said we needed to do to help us relax to go to sleep.I remember mine because I still do them when I am having trouble going to sleep.
1) Hot bath with lavendar oil
2) Hot tea
3)Even in the summer i toss my flanel blanket in the dryer for a few minutes
4) in bed with soft music and a good book

We also went on a long walk almost everynight unless it was pouring down rain. Mom would have us do crazy things like,
Jump 15 step like a rabbit.
Run to that sign and back like a lion.
Fly to the house like a sea gull.

What she was really doing was making us exhausted. It worked most of the time!!!!

Just though I's let you know what worked for us. Kait