Please remind me...

[mamamoo]

of all the wonderful reasons to clw. My ds is 25 months, and I am tandem nursing him and my 4 weeks old dd. I am also battling PPD at this point and feel a bit crazy. <sigh> I love nursing him for the most part, and am so proud that I nurse until they don't need it any longer(this is my third time tandeming, but my hardest so far). I am feeling resentful, and guilty for feeling negative about our nursing relationship. I don't like feeling that way, so I was hoping to get some ideas of what I can do to make it a little more pleasent to get through this rough patch we're (I'm) having. Sam nurses(or asks to)**OFTEN** and started waking to nurse at night again when my milk came in after the baby was born. He wakes anywhere from 1(a good night) to 4-5 times a night, and usually wakes the baby because I am not getting the "mum*mums" out fast enough. I *can not* nurse them at the same time, unless it is an emergency or something...I did it fine with my first two, but for some reason can not(will not?) with these guys...it is physically really hard for me, I get that crawly feeling(overstimulation?). I feel guilty mostly because this is my third time tandeming!! Why am I having issues? I know what this entails, and why can't I come up with a solution?! :LOL Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks. Debi

[Milkymommi]

boy oh boy Mama! I can feel your pain through what you write. I have not been there as far as tandeming, my kiddos were never nursing at the same time but I can relate to that "crawly" feeling you talk about. I went through a season of feeling really frustrated with my ds's night waking and excessive nursing and I know how hard that was. Add another babe and I can only imagine.

With a little time it did pass and we're ok now. Maybe this will happen to you? The situation is probably compounded by the ppd I'm sure. Do what you need to to be comfortable, whatever is right for you and your family. Be confident that it's ok to have feelings and you're not a bad mom. You're amazing! Look at the wonderful thing you've done by tandeming 2 other times!! I look up to you...

I wish I had some other magical advice but sometimes a reassurance is the best medicine. Hang in there Mama and find someone in real life to give you a big hug and some relief like maybe taking care of your house duties for a few days so you can get some extra sleep.

[kavamamakava]

Would it help, maybe in the long run, if Sam had his own bed in a room with his siblings? That way if he wakes, he wouldn't be waking the baby and you could go to him to nurse him.
He must be a real nursey guy like my son was.

[foreverinbluejeans]

It must be hard taking care of so many children so close in age. You may be blaming your feelings about other areas of your life on tandem nursing.

It was hard for me to nurse and think of all the other things that need to be done. I feel smothered easily. I think it was easier for me to nurse my baby and toddler together because I spent less actual time breastfeeding and I didn't have to worry about the toddler if I was nursing them both.

Your toddler is still so young to wean. I'm sure you realize that he may be nursing more because of the incrased milk and of the changes with the new baby. However, he may be nursing just the amount he would have needed had you not became pregnant. It may help if you place the responsibility on the pregnancy rather than blaming the toddler.

Waiting until this baby is weaned before even thinking about conceiving will avoid this situation again. I tandem nursed my first two and waited about 6 months after #2 weaned before conceiving again, a 5.5 year gap in age between #2 and #3. I think that gap gave me time to recharge so that I could enjoy nursing the youngest.

[Mama2ABCD]

congrats on tandem nursing for the 3rd time. keep in mind that 4 weeks is still so little and you and your family are still adjusting to the change. each week that goes by your newborn will develop more skills that make nursing for her easier.

hang in there with your toddler. i'm very familiar with that crawly feeling. whenever i get that feeling, i have someone get me a large glass of water or i stop nursing and get it myself. it seems to take that sensation away.

i know that having to take care of a crew of youngsters makes it harder to take care of yourself. that is why tandem nursing is probably more strained this time. after my 2nd child was born it was much easier than after the 3rd because the 1st child was still young enough to nap. now the 1st doesn't nap and the 2nd rarely does. i miss taking naps!!!

keep going, it will get easier!

[kavamamakava]

Originally Posted by kirstie

congrats on tandem nursing for the 3rd time. keep in mind that 4 weeks is still so little and you and your family are still adjusting to the change. each week that goes by your newborn will develop more skills that make nursing for her easier.

hang in there with your toddler. i'm very familiar with that crawly feeling. whenever i get that feeling, i have someone get me a large glass of water or i stop nursing and get it myself. it seems to take that sensation away.

i know that having to take care of a crew of youngsters makes it harder to take care of yourself. that is why tandem nursing is probably more strained this time. after my 2nd child was born it was much easier than after the 3rd because the 1st child was still young enough to nap. now the 1st doesn't nap and the 2nd rarely does. i miss taking naps!!!

keep going, it will get easier!

I'm worried about naps too! When my older two were little, they both napped and so did I. What will I do now? Neither of them nap and I'm about to have a newborn in the house.

[mamamoo]

Thanks mamas!! Naps are definately tricky here...my older two kiddos are old enough to watch a video while I nurse the younger two to sleep...sometimes I doze off and get some much needed rest, and I trust myself not to fall into a deep sleep(haven't done that in about 7 years!!! :LOL). My last pregnancy was not planned(I had been hoping to wait another year), but I am ok with the way things have turned out...I like there being only a couple of years between them, even if it is a bit tougher right now(I know it will be much easier as they get older). I think that my body is just trying to make Sam be older...because hormonally I am charged to take care of the new baby(biologically?), I really do not blame him for anything, but lack of sleep and hormones/depression can cause us to feel ways we normally wouldn't.

Thanks for the idea of a glass of water kirstie...I probably have not been drinking enough for both babies nursing, I know i forget to eat half the time at this point(working on that too).

foreverinbluejeans~I just wanted to say that this post kind of hurt my feelings...I am in no way thinking of weaning my two year old...as I said this is my third time tandeming...I just came here for a little reassurance and commradery(sp?). I am fully aware of good child spacing...thanks though. Unfortunately Violet is our last child, so I guess I won't have to worry bout this again anyway. I nursing my baby, and nursing Sam for the most part too...I am just in a rough patch, which does happen to many people...having a baby is a huge adjustment in any size family. I am postive that you had good intentions, and sorry if i took anything the wrong way, I am a sleep deprived, guilty feeling mama right now.

All of our kids sleep in our room, in various beds, so moving him is not really an option right now(plus i feel like he is still kind of young at this point). But it is definately something I will keep in mind for if things don't get better over the next few months(though I am confident they will).

Thanks so much mamas, I am so glad this forum is here. Debi

ps I feel better just after writing my feelings down, quite a release that is.

[kavamamakava]

You're my hero I really dreaded nursing 3 at a time and was secretly glad when my son weaned a few months ago. I feel a bit saddened at the loss of the nursing relationship but I don't think I could handle the demands on my body.
When I was first tandeming, I had a long telephone conversation with a woman who had been tandeming for 2 years and it was so nice to talk to her and get her perspective and realize that my negative feelings were normal. It also helped me appreciate all the good things...like nursing them both down for a nap at the same time or not having to pack snacks when I went somewhere...

Your family is gorgeous

[Mama2ABCD]

on a spiritual note, i loved telling people that tandem nursing was God's and Nature's way of making sure mom got a break. especially since the 1st at the time was a toddler and getting into everything. (guarenteed time to sit and relax quietly) i tried telling my SIL who quit nursing when she became pregnant again (unexpected) and her nursling was 6 mos. i wanted to tell her they'd be close in age and it would be beneficial, but she's part of the group that doesn't want to get it.

no matter if you tandem nurse, or not, breastfeed, or not. being is mother ain't always easy. that way you appreciate when things run smooooththth!!!

but, it sure is nice to come to a place where other mom's "get" nursing! and you can give support and get support!

[Katiemare]

mamamoo- your name says it all! It sounds like you are the one who is most prepared to give advice on tandeming!! I know that you don't intend to wean your son now- but if he sleeps a little further from you perhaps he won't demand so many night feeds (same room but next to his dad or older siblings). just a thought.
hang in there and congrats on your beautiful family. You are doing right by them and deserve credit for it.