Anyone ever have a toddler at a sibling's birth?

[lisabc311]

I am not even sure if my hospital will allow it yet...but I am considering having my 2 1/2 year old at my birth.

Has anyone here ever done that with a toddler of that age? How did it go? Any tips for me?

[baileyandmikey]

I am curious too. We want to have our almost three year old present at the birth. I am confident she would do ok. she has seen a million births on tv, and videos, etc. I am trying to prepare her, since we think this will be our last babe, we want her to experience her brothers birth.

[rainbowmoon]

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I am planning a UC and wondering what to do myself.

[loving-my-babies]

Nope, but I considered it. The hospital where I delievered ds, actually allowed children older than 3 to be there only if they had taken a special class beforehand. There were a couple reasons why I decided not to. First, I would have needed someone to be there to be in charge of dd, because I wanted dh to be next to me and to concentrate on me. That was a big turn-off for us because we really wanted privacy, so having people there (family members or just anyone) just didn't seem to be something we'd feel comfortable with. Especially dh. Also, in a hospital birth, I really didn't want my dd thinking that birth is all about needles, monitors, doctors, nurses etc.. that's why next time we are having a homebirth, I think in that kind of a setting it's much better for children, so my daughter and son will be present when we have our future children.

[AngelBee]

When I had dd, my ds 2yr2mth at the time was there. For the birth of ds2, both ds and dd were there.

Main suggestions:
1. Prepare them ahead of time. Show them videos, books, anything so that they know what to expect. We watched Baby Story all of the time. Granted not my fav choice, but it worked.

2. Have one person in charge of the toddler at all times. Not your partner or coach.

3. Prepare a sibling activity bag for the hospital. Don't forget snacks, water bottle, blanket, change of clothes, toothbrush, etc.

4. Plan a sleepver so that they have somewhere to go after the event.

5. Make a sibling gift bag to congratulate them for being a big bro/sis


I am so glad that my children were with me. I would definantly do it again. Just remember to let them set the pace. With ds2 I got really loud and they waited out in the hall by choice for a little while. They weren't scared though because we had discussed that when mamas have babies they sometimes sound like lions. My son kept commenting to my daughter "Don't worry. Mama is just growling." They were so cute.

Good luck! Feel free to pm me if you have any more questions.

[muse]

We're planning to have our 3 yr old at our homebirth. We are hiring a doula to be there with him since I wanted soemone who was comfortable being at a birth and who can help him understand what is going on. Sheila Kitzinger writes a bit about siblings at births in The New Pregnancy and Childbirth, and there's a nice article at www.homebirth.co.uk which may also be relevant to hospital birth.

[jraohc]

Keeping in mind that my dd is only 7 months old, here is my take - I don't think 2 and 1/2 is old enough for a hospital birth. I don't think I would want my young child to be at the hospital - a foreign environment, a foreign situation, a non-child-friendly environment. I also think you should ask the hospital before you even put much thought into it, because I know that at the hospital where dd was born a 2-1/2-year-old wouldn't be allowed to attend a delivery.

I do think that a 2-1/2-year-old is old enough to attend a birth. I think some birthcenters are set up reasonably well for young children to "attend" and I think home is definitely set up well enough for a young child to "attend".

One thing to remember is that no matter where you are having the baby, you will almost certainly need someone to watch your 2-1/2-year-old at some point. Whether that babysitter is just a babysitter or is also a guide through labor and delivery is up to you, but you will need some adult help for your youngster.

Just my opinion. Good luck!

[lisabc311]

Angela- thanks for your BTDT experience! It really helps. I will be PM'ing you.

jraohc- I work for a large hospital (I'm a LCCE) in my area and I know they do not allow children under 3 to attend births. But the hospital where I will be delivering (same one where my DS was born) is much smaller and a lot of decisions are left up to the doctor. There isn't all the red tape that is involved at the large hospital (where I am a LCCE). So I think it will really be interesting to hear my doc(s)' perspectives.

My DH seems like he is not sure about it. I am unsure myself because of DS's age. I just really wanted to hear the perspectives of those that have done it. So Angela...I'll be PM'ing you! Thanks!

[lilylove]

My Dd was at the birth of my Ds, she was 2yrs and 4months. It was great, I loved that she shared in that awesome experience.
The hospital I delivered at had no problems with siblings being there, as long as they had a caretaker other then the father. She was not scared, but we really did alot of talking, reading and watching videos. I recommend the book 'Welcome With Love' by Jenni Overend. Great at introducing little ones to what birth can be like.
After the birth my sweet litlle one climbed up on the bed and said "Good job getting baby out, Mom" I would not trade that memory for anything!!!!!
Sandy

[lisabc311]

Sandy,

That is so sweet! Thank you for sharing your experience.

[MyBabiesCome1st]

I had my DD who was 2 yrs 5 months old at my DS birth. You can read my birthstory here if you want. Birthstory

Granted, I did have a homebirth so that made things a little easier. DD was in her own environment and didn't have to ajust to being in a foreign place.

We took DD to ALL of my prenatal appointments, we talked to her in very detailed language about what was going to happen. We watched all sorts of birth videos including her own. We practiced having a baby and all the potential ""sounds" Mommy would make. My MIL was in charge of Lexie and you'd definately want someone designated to take care of 2.5 yr old. THat way if the child gets upset/antsy/whatever said person can remove the child from the room so you and DH can focus on labor.

You know your child better than anyone. People thought and still think I am nuts for having my 2.5 yr old present. But I knew her, knew she could not only handle it but would enjoy it. Looking at the bond between my two kids over a year later assures me I made the right choice.

Good Luck.

[EmmalinesMom]

Emmaline will be a bit over 3.5 when this baby is born. She's going to be with me as long as she is comfortable, and I have a friend who she is very comfortable with that can take her to play or out to lunch or whatever if she's not comfortable there. She's a pretty sensitive kid when it comes to other people being/appearing uncomfortable, so she may well not see the actual birth.

We've been talking for weeks about babies being born, the sounds and sights, watched a couple of birthing videos, etc. We've talked about how it might look or sound a little scary, but that the birth is a good thing, a happy event. I'm trying to prepare her enough, and make sure she knows she is welcome to be with me, or she's welcome to go play with her buddies...either way.

[Mom2baldie]

My 2.5 year old DD and 6.5 year old DS were present at the birth of their baby sister this past September and having them there was one of the most special parts of the birth! They both slept through my labor, woke during pushing and sat beside the bathtub quietly. The girl that was supposed to come watch them didnt arrive until immediately after Naiya was born, but luckily they had been prepared enough to not be scared.

During the pregnancy my DD went to all prenatal appts with me, we borrowed lots of birth videos from my MW, we read Runas Birth and Welcome With Love over and over and we talked a lot about the different sounds I would make. I also had a camera for my son in case he wanted to snap a few shots and he ended up taking the very 1st picture we have of the baby!

I think it was a really sweet experience for them. My DD (almost 3 years old now) still talks about it and sometimes tries to re-enact the birth when shes playing in my bathtub. She says she will have her babies at home too.

[MyCalling]

My oldest was at his brother's homebirth when he was 15 months old. This time both will be there for their brother and sister's births at home. Now they are 2y3m and 3 1/2. We have been preparing them since the beginning. I wanted to show them their birth videos but they didn't record! I don't want them to watch A Baby Story or any of those scary unnatural births in hospitals. I have a HypnoBirthing video they will start watching soon as the time nears.

Definately have someone there just for the toddler. Someone they know is best. Also, if it's a homebirth, have a special job for him/her to do. For my son he held the cold washrag to my head at times and later wiped his brother's head and feet with it right after he was born. I'm not a screamer so it worked well for him being with me the whole time. I don't think it would have been a great idea had I been moaning and looking scared or hurt. This time I going explain that mommy's just working really hard and no one is causing me pain.

[mamabutterfly]

I was just at a HB as a doula, and the couple had a 2.5 yo. It was hard, so I just wanted to throw this in there...
The couple were very focused on what would be best for their daughter, and thought she would like to be near her mom. This was true - but the mom really struggled w/labor whenever dd was there. The girl had been well prepared, videos, talking, etc., but the reality of her mom attending to ctx (closing her eyes and breathing) really freaked her out.
What I noticed was that mom's contractions mostly stalled when dd was around, and this was already a drawnout labor.

There was a support person for her, but she wanted her mom... Dad tried to be w/dd to give mom time alone, but it wasn't until hours later when dd fell asleep and mom could have dad by her side that labor moved into high gear (4cms to birth in 2 hours after dd fell asleep, lol!)

This is *just* one experience, of course. You know your child and also you know what you need in labor. If you are a person who needs solitude/quiet/focus to labor well, just consider whether this is something you can ask a 2.5 yo for, kwim?

Good luck!

[famousmockngbrd]

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[MyCalling]

Originally Posted by mamabutterfly

This is *just* one experience, of course. You know your child and also you know what you need in labor. If you are a person who needs solitude/quiet/focus to labor well, just consider whether this is something you can ask a 2.5 yo for, kwim?

Good luck!

This is true. I also like solitude in labor so being at home is perfect because I can go into a room alone to labor then come out for the birth. This isn't possible in a hospital room.

[ebethmom]

nak

this was a factor in our decision to have a homebirth for dd - I wanted ds to be closeby, and knew that he would not do well in an environment with lots of rules. I started off with a hospital CNM midwife, and ds had a hard time with those office visits. He didn't want anyone to touch me.

When dd was born, ds was downstairs with SIL and 12 yo nephew. Ds came upstairs right after she was born. He kissed his baby sister, then said, "We need to get dat wacenta off da bed!"

More to say, but dd needs me. . .

[4forme]

To have siblings present was one of the main reasons we decided on homebirth. When our second son was born, or 3 yo cried and cried that we left him to go to the hospital. He still talks about it todqay. My 6 yo and 3 yo sons were right there for the birth of their sister. It was a water birth and my 3 yo held the flashlight for our midwife

When I gave birth at home in August, all three kids were there. Charlotte was 2.5. When I was in transition (midwife was not there yet) I freaked out a bit and it scared Charlotte. My mom took the kids to the living room because I thought that hubby was going to be catching the baby. It wasn't what we had planned, but we knew he could do it. My midwife arrived with 5 minutes to spare and the kids were back in the room about a minute after Sammy was born.

I agree that the kids need to be prepared. They went with me to my prenatals. We also watched lots of videos of births and read "Welcome with Love" over and over and over......

My mom was incharge of the kids at our births. She knew that that might mean that she missed the birth if the kids didn't want to be their, or as happend if things got a little crazy.

What a gift for our kids. I know that they will never forget the experience!

Patty