Unassisted Childbirth -- Where do I stand? - Page 5

[DaryLLL]

Just going to jump in here, very late. i had my last kid 11 yrs ago, so haven't bothered to check this thread til now!

I had a c-sec with my first, 36 hours from water breaking. it was a horror show, I didn't even know about the safety of homebirth, much less do-it yourself. I hate hospitals and don't trust drs, but I have healed from that bad birth, i was ignnorant. It was almost 17 yrs ago.

Next time HBAC with midwives. I liked my midwife, she helped me to see I could do a VBAC at home. Unfortunately, her asst, whom I didn't particularly care for, took over too much at the birth. She was yelling at me to push. She admitted later to being nervous about the VBAC. when my placenta didn't come out, and I was bleeding, she *pulled on my cord!!* ...the heck? only a part of it came out and then the midwife "couldn't find my cervix!" Luckily there was one other midwife there who went in and retrieved it and we sent the EMTs away. Only a 12 hour birth. I should have stood up to let the placenta come out.

#3, different midwife, 4 hour labor, ds did most of the work getting himself out.

If I'd have had one more, who knows, I might have had it on one hour, by myself!

anyway, I was thinking, do introverts prefer UC, and extroverts prefer to have a circle of kind women and friends around? Those I've known to have either UC or have a midwife but not let her in the room, have been introverts.

My friend Karen had her 4th child UC. She'd had 2 homebirths, but her labor had slowed when the midwives walked in the door of her house. I was supposed to go over to watch her 3 older girls for the birth. I called her when she was due to see how she was. her oldest dd said, moms in the tub, she is OK. so I went grocery shopping. Darn it! when I got back, my dd was in the driveway, we have to go over to karen's, she is having her baby! I called first, as she was 1 hour away. Well, the baby was already born, and the kids did just fine without a caretaker. i talked to her, she told me how she'd had on and off labor, gotten into the tub, then got out, walked to the bed and had the baby just like that. Then she told me, i have to go and deliver the placenta now! So we hung up.

[cottonwood]

Well, it makes sense to me that certain personality types would have more of a tendency to be drawn to UC than others. I am VERY sensitive to other people's energy and behavior, I am distracted and taken out of myself very easily, I can be very self-conscious, and tend to be modest. I also have a deeply ingrained fear of speaking out against authority, and a fear of hurting other's feelings. I am the "nice girl", the "good patient".

My personality is not the only reason I chose UC, though; it's also because I have an unusual view of the birth process that modern birth management simply does not jibe with, and I didn't want it interfered with.

[indigolilybear]

i guess i'd have two answers to this:

1. you have to carefully define introvert.....my former boss told me that an introvert is someone who recharges by being by themselves and an extrovert is someone that gets energy by being w/others....so by this definition, i'm an introvert. BUT, I am extremely social, and love being around other people. so there may be some truth to that, but like i said, many people you may think are extroverts, may in truth not be and vice versa if you go by this definition.

2. however, if you see birth (as i do) as a private, sexual act, then i don't think too many others, intro- or extrovert, would necessarily want others around, KWIM? i don't know too many people who enjoy other's there for having a bowel mov't or making love w/their partner.

anyway, IME, i know several people who wanted or had UC's. i guess i'd define the majority as introverts, but i'd also label them very literary, critical thinkers, people who valued trusting themselves, ...well, you get my point.

very thought provoking idea for me, though..

[DaryLLL]

Originally posted by indigolilybear
i guess i'd have two answers to this:

1. you have to carefully define introvert.....my former boss told me that an introvert is someone who recharges by being by themselves and an extrovert is someone that gets energy by being w/others....so by this definition, i'm an introvert. BUT, I am extremely social, and love being around other people. so there may be some truth to that, but like i said, many people you may think are extroverts, may in truth not be and vice versa if you go by this definition.

very thought provoking idea for me, though..

Thanks, esp as I jumped in late, so rude.

I once took one of those online tests and I fell in the middle of the continuum between intro and extro: I know I get all charged up at LLL, but have to have my "me time" too, which made me nuts when the kids were little, spirited and demanding!

So, if i am pretty social, I therefore liked having my gentle, not in your face midwives. Waaaayyy better than all those stragner running around in the hospital! Can you say adrenalin? I sure like having my privacy with dh once the baby is out tho.

[Dodo]

Thought it was time for me to thank you all and share with you the effect your thought-provoking responses have had on me.

First, this thread made me realize how much I'd like to give birth at home. This may or may not be possible for me, since I live in a province where I would have to pay out-of-pocket for a lay midwife, should I want pre-natal care.

Second, although I will probably continue to birth with assistance, I am no longer disturbed by those who don’t. In fact, I have a fantasy of a quick labour (unlikely!) with no time to telephone. Maybe this desire to leave difficult decisions to “chance” is common?

Third, I am less sure about certain aspects of pre-natal care. I am no longer comfortable with the monthly weigh-ins or the weekly visits in the final days of pregnancy, both of which can contribute to unnecessary anxiety.

I remember when I first met with one midwife and she wanted to know if I had any questions about her philosophies, etc. and I didn’t have a clue as to what to ask. Now I have no shortage of questions!

I also remember the midwife who taught my pre-natal class saying that women knew how to give birth, that they should crawl off themselves into the forest to birth their babies. At the time, I thought she was insane. Now I would tell any prospective midwife that I require a hands-off approach, that I need to crawl into the forest alone.

On a slightly different topic, I recently read a 1950s mothering manual that addresses the then commonly held belief that pre-natal care was “faddish”! It’s so interesting how little time it takes for something, e.g., prenatal care, to become so integrated in our culture to the point where it is deemed unacceptable to live without it.

Anyway, thanks again, ladies.

[MysticHealerMom]

thanks for sharing your insites, Dodo. very well thought out. I'm going to have to save this thread for future reference, if it's not archived automatically.

cheers and best wishes,

Lori

[cobluegirl]

Yes Lunarmomma.....Can we have this one archived? Please!!!!!

[lunarmomma]

Sure... do you want to continue the conversation or have me archive it now???

[MysticHealerMom]

Looks to me like the conversations pretty well wound up. Dodo thanked everyone. Hadn't been a new post since the 26th, and the conversation sort of turned towards introversion vs extroversion.

I wouldn't take my word for it, but I'd say it's pretty well finished. Could always open a new thread, as well.

Anyone else?

[cobluegirl]

I think that is a safe bet. It has only been the last week that someone has posted in a while.