What should my 3.5 yr old be doing?

[DeChRi]

Okay, so my title is vague. What I mean is, I awlays wonder if I should be letting her do more than I do. I want to teach her to be able to do things for herself. For example, at what age do you let your kids brush your own teeth? Dd loves to, but of course doesn't get most of em so I generally go back and do em again. My mother in law said when dh was Rylee's age she kept cereal and milk in lil containers so dh could make his own breakfast. Dinner duties? Table setting? Chores around the house? Washing own body? Etc, etc? I know this is kind of nit picky and paranoid, but I feel like I hover all the time and I want to make sure I give her room to grow as her own person, but without expecting to much out of her. KWIM? ANy thoughts or imput?

[khrisday]

My dd was 3 in May, and my philosophy is to let her do as much as she can/wants to, but when it vcomes to health/hygenie I give her a hand (like teeth brushing- she does it then I do it again- dentist says parnets need to go over it til kids are about 8 so that's right on track) She likes to pour, stir, rip up lettuce in the kitchen, set the table and clear her dishes away (she even scrapes into the trash can), wash her body and help wash her hair in the bath, buckle her carseat seatbelt, pick out her own clothes.

[merpk]

Just on the toothbrushing thing, our dentist actually told us you should let them do it on their own, and then do it again for them every single time until they're 10!!

Can't deal with that, personally.

On the other stuff, it depends entirely on how much of a rush I'm in ...

- Amy

[LiamnEmma]

My ds dresses himself when he's in the mood, brushes his teeth and takes his plates into the kitchen to put them in the sink. He is able to pour himself a drink when the container is not too heavy, and he distinguishes between left and right on his shoes (then again, I've only referred to his hands and feet as "left foot", "right hand"--how compulsive is that!? ). On the other hand, even though I think he probably could do it, he doesn't wash his body AT ALL. He does however, go into the bathroom and wash/dry his hands without supervision (I smell them when he comes out to be sure he's done it), and he is able to wipe himself after pooping, although I do it for him when he's home. I suspect that kids do what they've been taught by a parent as the parent deems it important to know, and as they show interest...like the washing thing. I know lots of kids his age do it, but I just don't care if he does, and he doesn't want to. On the other hand, I obviously find the left/right issue important so he knows that! lol

Leah

[nc mama]

I have a dd that was 3 in May and I have been letting her do a lot of things for herself. She picks out her own clothes and dresses herself. It doesn't always match and it might be backwards but she is so proud of herself I don't have the heart to change it. She brushes her teeth by herself in the morning and I do it for her at night. She likes to help out in the kitchen so I bought her a stool so she can reach the counter. The other day she asked if she could wash the dishes, i thought well sure, so I gave her the plastic dishes to wash and she did a great job. I have found that since I have had my second child, I let her help out a lot and she can do a lot more than I would have thought.

Good luck,
Amy

[Alexander]

DD2 is this age. We let her get involved as and when she feels. The more enthusiastic we are, the more likely she is to help.

a

[mom at home]

I would follow her lead. Every kid is going to have chores they enjoy and can't stand. Instead of making my kids do things they don't like, I ask them to do things that I know they will like or at least not mind. My two kids are very different so that helps round it out in terms of the chores they do.

What we do for teeth brushing is that they do their own in the morning and we do them in the evening. If they want us to do them in the morning, we do. Our dentist thought that as long as they were getting at least one good brushing a day, that was okay.

[journeymom]

Jojo, is dd your first?

I did a lot of things for our 1st, dd, longer than I should have. Simply because it was easier, faster for me to do it (and I got to control her clothes longer). I was a control freak...:

#2 child, ds, is a different matter. He's 3 y.o. He does much more for himself, many of the things mentioned here. I help him crack eggs when he's helping me cook. He's not very coordinated (I guess, relative to other 3 y.o's?) so he still can't get his pants up by himself. The only thing I wonder about is letting him wipe after going poop. I'm not sure I want to clean that mess up! Ah, well, they've got to learn some how!

Leah, I do the right and left hand/foot thing, too.

[DeChRi]

She is my first. I just had this revelation that I think she can so more than I let her. She gets frusterated and mad so much, but I think it is because she wants to be able to do more. I hung a clothsline a couple weeks ago at her heigth so now she loves to go hang her cloth. We also took some above advice and let her brush her teeth herself in the a.m., then we do it later. I think I really need to revamp my house. Like put her cloths in a more accessable place, make our plastic dishes cabinet a low one so she can unload those from the dishwasher. We have so much laundry angst here, so I got creative with dd. I bought a basket with 4 compartments. I put a white paper on one, a navy blue on the other, colors, etc. Now she thinks laundry sorting is a game!! I really like the ideas. Thanks!

[joymum]

My 3.5 year old has always been a very motivated girl.
She loves to help and loves to do it herself. Naturally all the things she does came on at a time but she also brushes her teeth in the morning and we do it at night out (dentist says it's fine). She dresses herself (some mornings doesn't feel like it and I pick out clothes and get her started), makes her bed better than I expected her to, puts utensils on the table at dinner time, pours her own cereal and soy, enjoys feeding the cats and gets a kick out of feeding solids to her 9 mo old sister, she still occassionally tries to nurse her sister(too cute) but not as much as when she was a newbie. She also helps me in the garden and loves to help prepare food. Every now and then DH and I stop to make sure we aren't pushing her but it seems as though she is pushing us to show her how to do more more more.

[cottonwood]

My son is 3 1/2 too. He gets up in the morning when he is ready to, dresses himself, puts his dirty clothing in the laundry basket, sometimes helps himself to food (although I usually help him,) washes himself in the bath (I wash his hair,) decides what and how much he wants to eat, brushes his teeth (and usually asks me to help him,) buckles his own seatbelt. He doesn't have chores, I am just trying to teach him good habits of being responsible for himself and his living space.

I've noticed that he really *wants* to do as much as he can for himself unless he really isn't capable. Laziness and expecting people to wait on you are, IMO, learned behaviors!