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Having Self-Worth Issues

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
I am throwing myself into such a depression right now. I am 28 wks pregnant, still throwing up a few times a week, I feel like crap. I am throwing my dd a little b-day party tomorrow, she'll be one. I was so excited. I invited my grandpa (her great) to the party, I wasn't expecting him to come (he never comes to anything), but it looks like he'll be here with his wife. Now I am freaking out, I am so embarassed by my living situation, and I shouldn't be. Its just that we live in a tiny little house (1100 sq.ft) no basement or anything and its not in a great neighborhood, which is why I've never invited him here before, he is a multi-millionare and I know he'll start judging. Him and his wife are only impressed by people with money. And I mean I like this house, its quaint, but I never really wanted to live in the city, its just that this is all we could afford when we got married, and I really don't like it here. I am having a hard time even getting motivated to get ready for the party because I'm so nervous about them coming. I know I should have more self-respect than that and it shouldn't matter what he thinks, I mean we should just be focusing on dd, but it still drives me nuts. Why is this driving me nuts?
post #2 of 9
Aww... for you, Mary...

Feeling crappy doesn't help. You DO have the option of cancelling.

But your house is cute and cozy, and you can make it pleasant for YOU, instead of posh and huge and fancy- and that would feel good, right? How can anyone find fault with that? If they do, well how foolish are they?

My mom always said to me in the days when dh and I had little crappy apartments and not much $- you may not have much, but you can ALWAYS be clean (I can hear her say, "Soap and water is cheap!), and you can always make your house a HOME for your family, and pleasant for YOU!

She would know...she was a SAHM, wife of a bluecollar worker, lived in tiny apts. just starting out, (one had an outhouse!), and no matter what, she ALWAYS made her home very cozy and pleasant and clean. When I was growing up our house was not big, nor fancy, but cozy, and clean and safe feeling and THAT is what counts.

Now she is 76 and a widow. Her apt is immaculate and comfortable and very very nice. No matter how dumpy her apts were, wherever she has lived since my father died (she is sort of a "gypsy"-type and moved alot over the years), she just determined to make it work and make it as pleasant as possible. It can be done!

Do you have a neighbor, friend or sibling who can help you clean this afternoon or tonight, and then come back and help you with finishing touches and to set up tomorrow morning? If you make alittle effort at a time, and use what resources you DO have, to do what you want/need to do, well...it can feel good! Might make a difference in your outlook too!

You can have fun with your dd on HER special day and her great granddad and his wife, can take or leave it. It's NOT about them! It's about your dd's special first birthday right? And you will know that you have done the best you could, whether they "get" it or not. YOUR house is YOUR home. It's their privilege to be invited to share this special time with your dd.

I just want it to be ok for you Mama. Please take care and have another ! Remember that you can cancel also. It is an option.

Hopefully someone else will post with better ideas than mine.

Joyce in the mts.
post #3 of 9

Oh please do not feel bad about yourself because of your small home. Or any other reason that has to do with money. My dh and I live in a tiny apartment with our ds, it is like 680 sq ft or something. It is not much, but it is clean, warm, and filled with love. Don't fall into that American trap, linking your self worth to how much money you make, or how much stuff you have. That is not was success is about. That is why so many people who "have it all" feel really empty inside. My guess is that your wealthy relatives have little self worth themselves, which is why they look to money for fullfillment. Show them they are wrong, show them a small house with a family who loves each other, who is as happy as can be, without excessive material possesions. Don't look to anyone else for your happiness or contentment, or self worth. That is already inside you mama, let it shine.
post #4 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thanks I needed to hear that. I know I shouldn't be worried like that. I talked to my mom earlier and told her I was nervous about him coming and she said "good, let him see where your living, maybe he'll start doing something to help the rest of us". That really made me feel like crap. WTF, I live in a cute house, granted they are all just little ranches around here, but its decorated nicely, and clean and we would have been out of here a lot sooner had I had medical insurance a few yrs ago when I was pregnant with dd (whole nother issue). Anyways I was feeling really inadaqute (sp?) when I got off the phone with her. And I feel bad that things aren't more organized around here, I feel like I have zero energy lately. Thanks for listening(reading) I've just been feeling down lately.
post #5 of 9
Hey Mary, will you let us know how it went with the birthday party? I bet your dd will LOVE IT!!!

Please...Have FUN!

Hugs...Joyce in the mts.
post #6 of 9
Joyce in the mts. is right- focus on your little Birthday Girl!
post #7 of 9
Hey Mary!

How'd it go?

Been thinking about you and hoping/trusting that you're ok, and that your dd had a fun birthday in your cozy home.

Hugs to you
Joyce in the mts.
post #8 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much for the support, I know it sounded silly for me to be upset about it. Everything went fine, dd had a great time. I don't know where we'll put all these new toys though, lol! Anyways, grandpa and his wife came around 8, a few hours after everyone else because they decided they couldn't eat at my house, they went out to eat. I still wish I hadn't invited them, but more so now because they kind of brought the atmosphere down a bit. I am glad I did it in the respect that my mom got to see once again that he dosen't see us as family and as much as she wants a relationship with him, it'll never happen. They wouldn't even have so much as a cup of coffee, and the whole time grandpa would lean over and ask his wife "Are you ok?" like she was really having to endure something. So thanks, he may have money, and he may look down on us, but at least I know how to conduct myself at a party. I'm happy in my little becuase, well, just that, we are happy.
post #9 of 9
You have a happy family home.

Good for you. You are not silly.

Joyce in the mts.
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