still in diapers!

[rockergirrl]

my DS is 3 (turned 3 in Oct) and he is still in diapers. I am not overly concerned - I have not at this point felt the need to rush this at all. I believe kids will learn when ready however I am starting to get a bit anxious since I am having #2 in May and I have heard it is good to get the first out of diapers if possible. He will sit on the potty and practice wiping when I do a diaper change but he just is not interested/ready to actually go in the potty at all. I guess I am just looking for feedback on is this a normal age to still be untrained and are there any suggestions anyone has to help the situation progress?

[Trishy]

My ds1 was born July 2001 and has not potty learned. I'm trying to work on it, kinda. Today I did get him to pee on the potty, in exchange for a freeze pop. I told him he can have another one tomorrow if he pees twice and anytime he poops in the potty he also gets one. I don't think providing treats in exchange for pottying is optimal but neither is changing a 3 1/2 year old's diaper.

[Embee]

Originally Posted by rockergirrl

He will sit on the potty and practice wiping when I do a diaper change but he just is not interested/ready to actually go in the potty at all. I guess I am just looking for feedback on is this a normal age to still be untrained and are there any suggestions anyone has to help the situation progress?

Very normal and common. My best advice is the same advice I was given: wait until he's ready and it won't be nearly the work for either of you.

My DS trained more or less spontaneously at this very age although looking back, it wasn't really spontaneous at all. He did the very thing you've described--'practicing' for several months on and off. One day, he was interested in underpants. He wore them for a day or so but kept having accidents. He wanted to put them away so we did. Then, just a few weeks later (and more practicing on and off), it was like something just... clicked. The phsycological and physiological requirements for potty learning just sort of met up in his body, and voila, he was using the potty like a champ. I never pushed. I just made it (the potty), and information available and he got there in his own time. It was very clear to me that no amount of pushing would have helped and indeed, could have very well hindered the process.

I totally understand why you'd be feeling anxious (baby due!). I felt this way also around his third birthday, and I didn't have a baby on the way! It may not seem like it right now, but you are off to a great start! The practicing means he *IS* interested and is probably working on putting all the pieces together (mind & body). HANG IN THERE. Be quietly encouraging. Talk about pottying learning, "hey, it looks like you're practicing there! Someday, you'll be able to go on the potty!" Make the potty available. Wait. You'll be glad you did.

My .02 for what it's worth.

The best,
Em

[chicagomom]

Well, our soon-to-be-five year-old still does not use the potty for bm on his own. We have a standard potty routine based on when he has bm's and it frequently works to get them into the potty, but we're still waiting for him to take the lead.

You'd be surprised how many five and six year olds out there struggle with this. Give it some time. He'll do it when he's ready.

[SagMom]

I haven't posted to this section of mdc in a while, but just had to add my .02---wait until he's ready and it'll be easy. My oldest two were 3 1/2 when they gave up diapers. It's not unusual.

Fwiw, my sis and I are 3 years apart--I was in diapers when my mother was preg with my sis. The story goes that the day she came home from the hospital, I changed into underwear and brought the dipes to my mother because I decided the baby needed them and I didn't.

He won't be in diapers forever.

[LunaMom]

I wouldn't worry about it. Three-year-olds in diapers are pretty common these days. He'll do it when he's ready.

A friend of mine had a three year old who would not use the potty, but started to very shortly after his baby sister was born. It was almost as though he was hanging on to diapers because he didn't want to give up being the baby, but once the baby came, he realized it was no big deal and that he got plenty of attention whether he wore diapers or not!

[ebethmom]

My son was three in August, and really resisted pooping in the potty. "I don't poop in the potty. I use diapers!" Arg.

He was visiting my Mom, and filled a diaper. And didn't tell her for quite a while - poop was smeared from knee to shoulder. This did not please my Mom.

She used a tactic that I had avoided. She said things like "It's such a shame that you have poop all over you! It's too bad that you don't use the potty like a big boy. Babies wear diapers." Yes, she shamed him. It makes my skin crawl to think of it.

But he decided to start using the potty. I had tried several kinds of positive reinforcement - like making a potty chart with a reward for 5 poops in the potty.

So I really don't know what to think.

[cmb123]

Well in a "perfect" world it would be nice to have 1 out of diapers before the next on comes, that's for sure!
But in the real world, I agree with many of the pp's that letting him go at his own pace will work best in the end.
I know MANY Mamma's who pushed the issue because of an upcomming baby, only to have the toddler regress to diapers upon the baby's arrival (many kids don't, my point only being that even if you get him to do it, it doesn't guarantee that it won't change when the baby comes).
Three is definately not uncommon at all these days, esp. if he's in disposables and doesn't feel wet.

[AngelBee]

My ds was 3 and dd was 2.5. With dd I waited until she showed alot of interest then we did the Dr. Phil suggestions for potty training. She has been in undies since that day!

www.drphil.com

PS I was 5 mths pg when she was potty trained. With ds he was still in dipes when sis came and it was difficult for me.

[shanleysmama]

My 5yo DD wears Pull Ups at night, as does my 3yo DS (he'll be 4 in February). They were both 3 when I got them into undies during the daytime, but I wonder if I'll ever get them out of Pull Ups at night now, LOL.

[L.J.]

I've heard somewhere that the average age for boys is 3.5

My oldest was 4.5 when he finally figured it all out. Sometimes, especially at the beginning, it was easier to have him in diapers (with a baby) than it was to constantly be aware of when he last went, when he drank, cleaning up accidents, stopping on the road, etc.

[oceanbaby]

Ds1 is just over 3.5 and is just starting to use the toilet, but we are not 100% yet (see my post in this forum).

I had a baby when ds1 was just over 3, and to be honest, I think it was easier to have 2 in diapers than to have had a newborn and a 3 year old newly potty training. Plus, I've always heard about kids regressing when a baby is born. It didn't happen to us, but my MIL said that it happened to her. Her dd was toilet trained and then her ds was born and her dd started using diapers again. I guess my point is don't stress about it in relation to the baby being born, because you never know if it will make things easier or harder.

Him showing interest and least sitting on the toilet is great. That was a big step for us, and I had to do what I never thought I would - bribe with a jelly bean!

We also bought a couple of books about it, and I think that really helped.

[velochic]

I don't know what this Dr. Phil method mentioned above is about, but I used what worked for my SIL. My husband is from Turkey and this is how they have been doing it for generations. I waited until I thought dd was WELL within the ability of understanding psychologically and physically about using the toilet. She had been telling me for a couple of months when she was peeing and pooping in her diapers. She was waking up dry and we were talking about "big girl panties" and peeing and pooping on the toilet. Then the day before, I told her, "Tomorrow, you are going to start wearing big girl panties and we will be through with diapers." The next day, we cranked up the heat in the flat and let her go naked from the waist down. I took her to her seal (her potty is a little plastic molded seal that makes music when you pee - I hadn't ever seen them in the US when we lived there) and she peed in it. A couple of hours later, she went to her seal and pooped without any prompting from me. The rest of the day and from that point on she used her potty and she's not in diapers at day or night. The key was that I waited until I was 100% sure she was ready. My sister started potty training dd's twin cousins when they were 16 months old. They are almost 4 now - the boy is still not trained at all and the girl is only trained during the day. They spank for having accidents.

Like walking or talking, there really isn't anything you can do to speed up development of using potty. They just need to have an pleasant environment that is conducive to using the potty, but they have to get there on their own. My sister's efforts of the past 2.5 years obviously haven't paid off. And my kiddo started using the potty with no effort at all. I'm glad I waited and followed my SIL's advice.

[USAmma]

Abi was capable of using the potty *years* before she actually chose to use it on her own. She finally trained at 3 yeasr 8 mos. old. At age 4, she still has an accident sometimes, usually in front of the toilet because she waited too long. She also wears pull ups at night because about once a week she wets.

Since you are going to have another baby soon, expect potty regressions even if you get him trained now. It took about 6 mos. after Nitara was born for Abi to decide she was grown-up enough to take charge of her potty habits.

Darshani

[TiredX2]

If he is trained, there is a good chance he will regress after the baby anyway

My 5yo DD wears Pull Ups at night, as does my 3yo DS (he'll be 4 in February). They were both 3 when I got them into undies during the daytime, but I wonder if I'll ever get them out of Pull Ups at night now, LOL.

Both kids (3 & 6) are still night time diapered They both daytrained themselves at 29 months.

[lgirsky]

My middle son will be 4 in Feb and is still in pull-ups. He will sometimes use the toilet if I ask and sometimes resists. He's NEVER had a BM in the toilet and when I've put a bit of pressure on he starts to constipate. Half of me says screw it he'll do it when he's ready, and half of me is exasperated as I have a nursing 10 month old in diapers too (cloth). AAHHHH!!! Toileting my 61/2 yr old boy was tough too but he was done by 3 1/2. I think toilet training is the worst.

[Kirsten]

I believe that 3 for girls and 3 1/2 for boys is the current average for potty training. My dd1 and dd2 both potty trained in a day around 3 years, 4 months old. I have seen people start before the kid was ready and just fight and fight over who had control of this process. I understand the "window" but you have to make sure you are really in it. When you are, it is a quick and easy thing - at least in my dds' cases.

I think you can help things along by having the potty available, buying or borrowing potty books, talking about the fun underwear you'll be getting, etc. I know people who have had great success with M & Ms or Rescue Heroes or some other reward.

I agree with previous posters that he may regress if potty trained just before baby comes anyway. But I can also see the upside in getting one out of diapers before another comes. I have done it both ways (dd1 was four and trained when dd2 came but dd2 was only 2 1/2 and untrained when dd3 came along). It is not so bad to have two in diapers. Eldest will be out of them before you know it!

[mattjule]

thank you thank you thank you for this post!!!!!

My ds will be 3 in March and everyone we know has PL'ed by age 3 or before. He isn't anywhere near it and he still pees a lot at night. I am so glad I am not the only person out there with a ds that is less than eager by 3 years. His speech was slow and he ate solids really late and it was beginning to feel like, compared to his peers, he was "slow" even though *I* know he is very smart. I can feel myself relaxing already...

[Mearow]

My son was 4 years, 355 days old when he went from diaper to big boy pants. Yes, that was the day before his 5th birthday. I actually had 3 in diapers at the time.

We had tried the teach in one day thing with the doll when he was about 3. The big thing is you're supposed to give the kid snacks and treats to make them thirsty so they drink a lot and then, have to go, then, gets lots and lots of practice. Well, my son is too smart--he must have suspected something because he took the treats and lined them up on the table and didn't take the bribes. Went some 10 hours without going, then I said forget this and gave him a diaper.

Tried other things, normal letting them go around with no pants, making games, books, trying to teach his younger brother first, nothing worked. He is just behind his peers in some areas, way ahead of them in other areas.

I wasn't worried, it was easier to change his diaper than deal with his stubborness and refusal to try new things. My husband was worried tho, so that made it harder. I eventually started bribing with Lego sets and that was the thing that made it worthwhile to him.