sigh, life with babe

[willow83]

:infant: I love my daughter don't get me wrong.....but sometimes I really feel down. I feel bad that I feel this way sometimes but ....I feel stuck....pinned down, I can't do anything, I can't go anywhere, I'm gonna go nutz! My DH just went with one of our friends to check out the property were buying and they'll be there all day, oh how much I wanted to go and hike around and play in the woods, I'm so sick of this house! I'm sick of feeling isolated, and I know that this isn't gonna last forever, I know Julia will get older and easier to take places, she's just such a needie baby and I'm the mama, so its always me that has to miss out on doing things. I do try to get out some, but its hard, she cries and it makes it difficult to do anything. I'm just venting right now, I'm not always this depressing, but I bottle this in so much and I just need to let it out. I'm sure there are plenty of u moms that feel the same way. It would be much easier if I had some friends in town that I feel comfortable with. But I don't, its hard for me to make friends and after being so isolated for so long I probably scare them away because I'm not used to talking to new people! Well, I will feel better soon, I am taking a yoga class in a few weeks and that will help me feel better, thanks for listening!

[ms. pacman]

I hear ya! I totally know how you feel. How old is your baby? Mine is almost 7 months, and she's just starting to enjoy other people more and likes to go places.

If you're breastfeeding, have you gone to a La Leche League meeting in your area? There's so many cool moms I've met that way.

Do you go for walks in your neighborhood? That's one of my favorite things to do.

But seriously, I know what it's like to feel stuck. I always try to remind myself that it all goes by so quickly.

And don't forget to do stuff for yourself! Write in a journal, surf the web during naps, organize your home (ok, not always fun, but that's what I'm doing these days!)

It's so easy to feel isolated with a baby these days. I often wish I lived in a commune- I think it would make things a lot easier and less lonely. Just know that there are tons of Moms like you out there, and that you're not alone. Hope you feel better.

[gilnikche]

Boy can I relate! I have to force myself to get out of the house. I have always been this way, but now it is even worse. Most days I do not even try. I have a few friends that I can hang out with, but I feel as if I am imposing myself on them. One friend just sent me an e-mail asking what she had done to offend me & it made me realize that I had barely spoken to her in 6 weeks!

It is so much easier to just stay home. My two oldest kids seem to make it as difficult as possible to go anywhere. They are certainly old enough (7 & 10) to get ready to go out, but still have to go through fits first. If it were not for my third child that gets ready in record time & goes out to the car to wait. It absolutely amazes me. I used to think it was just my bad parenting skills! My baby is also pretty easy to get ready once I catch him (16 months).

How old is your baby? Have you tried contacting your local LLL group? That helped me a lot when I had my first baby (very high need). I too felt all alone. I lived out on a country road, outside the city limits. After my baby got over screaming bloody murder ever time we went for a car ride; I made myself go to the meetings.

I will check back on this thread later today. Another mom actually invited me to her house (pretty rare). We are very different in our parenting, but our kids enjoy doing stuff together...and she has a trampoline! Wish me luck...

[willow83]

well i took a walk and talked to my chickens & i feel better........ms. pacman u should check out my site, we are actually starting an intentional community here, but it hasn't developed yet....i know once we find more people i will feel better. i'm just the type of person that needs peop;e around me, and w/o it i feel very lonely. i have contacted the lll, i haven't heard back yet but i don't like how they only meet once a month. my babe is 3mo old and my 1st, so i'm not used to this yet. i know some people that bring their little ones all over the place (concerts,classes,etc...) i dunno how they do it! thanx for the support gals.

[Jish]

My first was a nightmarish child. Very high needs and cried constanly. There were days that I was so desperate for an excape. I didn't help that ds wasn't really fond of dh. It's so lonely, isolating and exhausting. If you have a hospital nearby you might check and see if they have a breastfeeding support group. Many hospitals have them and the bonus is that they typically meet once a week. You don't have to have delivered there to attend. That was my lifesaver with my first son. It's now six and a half years later and I'm still going with my third son.

Also, have you checked out the FYT area to see if there are any moms in your area?

[felix]

frazzled

Hi, I am new to all this. Though, need desperatly to talk to some other mamas about the pain and frustration I am feeling today. My daughter, now 21 mo. is wearing me completly out of my mind and body. We are co-sleeping and nursing alot still throughout the night and day. It seems to be the one thing that she just can't get enough of. I am also having a hard time getting out of the house, the winter months have been very hard, and I just don't have the energy to go out and do much, plus it's a constant struggle just to get her socks on! I am a frazzled mama, with the biggest dark circles under her eyes..all I can do today is cry. She is a high-needs child and I am going insane trying to do everything I can to make her happy. HELP!

[willow83]

Hey there Felix, I can relate to the feeling of being trapped, but my little one hasnt' started walking yet so I'm sure its much different. . I don't have any experience with kids that age but sometime I think you just need to let them deal with the fact that they can't do what they want to all the time, I'm sure it would be very challenging to put this into effect, and again I am only an outsider on this subject. I'm not too far from you (chico) and sacremento is a big city so I'm sure there are plenty of play groups and even an indoor play room somewhere you could take your little one. When I am going nuts I just try to get my DH to hold the baby while I take a bath, do yoga, etc... So, try to get some 'me time' in and even if its cold you could still bunder your little one up and go for a walk. Sometimes you just need to breathe, and if your babe is throwing a fit or something, just let her get it out of her system, you can't always make her happy and if she learns this now she might be a more independent child later on. I really wish the best for you and I'm sorry you are so sad

[Jish]

Felix, I feel for you. The toddler years can be tough. If you haven't read Dr Sears The Discipline Book I highly recommend it. Even if none of his suggestions work for you, it is so reassuring to read it and be reminded that all the things that they are doing that are driving us nuts are totally normal and age appropriate. It is at those times that I realize that I've forgotten how old my kids really are and that I'm often expecting too much from them.

As for the socks, my second child hates socks. He hates putting them on, wearing them and will take them off any chance he gets. Now that the weather is colder I have gotten his boots out and I just let him wear those without socks. It doesn't sound at all appealing to me, but it has removed the battles about getting ready to go. I'm not a homebody and I have to get out at least once a day to stay sane, even if it's just running to the store for a bit. It's about 15 degrees below zero here with the wind chill today and when we were out earlier my ds was wearing his clothes (which he also doesn't really like) boots with no socks, and his coat unzipped with no hood, hat or mittens. It doesn't phase him in the least. He has an amazing internal furnace. I'm sure that there are plenty of people looking at me and thinking I'm a horrible mom, but for the two minutes it takes to go from the car to the building it isn't going to kill him to be less than bundled up. If he is going outside to play I have different requirements for appropriate clothing, but for running here and there, coats and socks are a battle I'm willing to lose to win the war. If he's cold, he'll as me to zip his coat.

Try to reexamine your day and see if there are some things you can let slide a bit so your dc can feel like she has a bit more control over her day.

As for the breastfeeding, if it is wearing you out and you aren't happy, then it's time to change the plan. Imho, if breastfeeding isn't working for both parties then it's time to adjust the relationship. By no means am I saying that you should wean your dd, but perhaps you could consider nightweaning if that is what is wearing you down, or if it is the co-sleeping, perhaps it's time for her own bed. There are forums here that are wonderful resources for both topics. Sometimes when we subscribe to the AP philosopy, we are so focused on giving to our children and making them happy and secure, that we forget that we have needs that need to be met and that we deserve to be happy also. This is especially true if you are dealing with PPD also. If you are struggling with breastfeeding all night, it can cloud the way you feel and act toward your dd. I nightweaned my ds2 when he was about 26 months old because I just couldn't handle nursing him every hour and a half all night. I was tired and resentful toward him because I just wanted him to sleep. It wasn't easy, but I did it in a loving way and when he was finally giving me a five hour stretch at night I found that it was so much easier to deal with things that came up during the day.

I know I'm rambling now so I'll just say that I hope you are able to get out, that alone can improve your mood. Keep coming back here, we are all willing to comiserate with you.

[felix]

Thank YOU, what a lifesaver!

Thank you so much mamas for replying and sending some much needed support! What a blessing to have this forum to connect and communicate these feelings to those who understand and have/or are going through the same kinds of expierences. I am considering night weaning now though want to look into how I can do it with the most loving way. I quess it scares me, that I won't be able to survive- with her crying and needed me throughout the night. As for the PPD, I am two months without taking anti-depressants (10 mg of Lexapro for 1 year). I think that may be a corporate in this whole frazzle thing as well! Has anyone, now off anti-depressants felt any withdrawl syptoms after a few months?

Thanks again for those who replied and I am sooo happy to have found this!
What a HUGE lifesaver..only wish I would of found it sooner!



Relieved Mama

[Jish]

I was also on Lexapro and when I went off I didn't have any problems. I went off to get pregnant (I was on for nine months) and my psychiatrist didn't hold out high hopes for me being successful. I have a lot of depression running through my family tree. While I wasn't thrilled with his outlook, I was thankful for his honesty -- it kept me realistic. He told me that one of the things that he thought might happen to me is that I would be off for a month or two and then crash. I think he would have like me to stay on them longer, but was okay with me going off. I knew it was a crap shoot and that I might need to go back on while pregnant, but it was a risk I was willing to take.

Perhaps this is what happened to you. There might just be too much stress in your life right now -- I don't mean some oppressive stressful ordeal, just everyday stress of sleepness nights and dealing with a young child -- and perhaps going back on the meds for a few more months might help. I know it isn't always a popular suggestion, but being a parent isn't easy and sometimes we have to do what we can to stay sane and feel like the parent we want to be.

Fwiw, I went off at a time that things were going really well and life was good. I have been med free for a year and a half. I still go through weeks where I feel like I'm not quite where I want to be, but I can usually look at those weeks and find that I'm not taking care of myself and exercising. Exercising has made a big difference for me. Even just a half hour of cardio 3 or 4 times a week is a huge help for my mental state. I know that there will come a time where I will have to deal with severe depression again, but at least I will be prepared this time. When you know how to deal with it, it is much easier to live with.

Have you checked out some of the other boards for some nightweaning suggestions?

[Jish]

BTW, Willow83, how are you doing?

[felix]

No more pills

Jish-

Thanks for your imput and suggestions. As for now, I am not going back on Lexapro..I hope not to ever again. I really want to go on w/out them. I am going to begin taking yoga again, 3 days a week, much needed! And really take some more "me" time, which is VERy hard for me to do. I am having a all alone good block of time 2-morrow while my hubbie watches our daughter.I can't remember the last time I had more than a couple hours all by myself!

I am trying to look at my depression as a turning point in the way I think and feel about myself. Though sometimes those thinking "habits" run deep! For me there is a spiritual solution to all this craziness..just have to let it direct my course not the other way around.

[Jish]

Felix, if you can work some cardio in with your yoga a couple days a week, even just 20 to 30 minutes at a time it will help. Yoga is great for centering yourself emotionally and spiritually, but chemically, cardio is great for boosting seretonin levels. Also, seretonin settles in the gastro intestinal area so diet can be huge in how you feel. Watching the glycemic levels in your food can help too. Sticking with the low glycemic foods (not Atkins per se) like the brown carbs and getting rid of sugar and the white carbs can help bunches.

If you do some checking down in some of the older threads there are great ideas for dealing with depression with diet and supplements and alternative methods. You might find some great ideas there.

[willow83]

thanks for asking

oh I'm doing much better....that was just one of those days. I took a really long walk the other day (killed my back with the sling : . We had a friend stay with us for a few days and company really cheers me up. We are in the process of building an intentional community , living off the grid in the woods, that sort of thing. Were not living there yet but I am excieted and nervous. on one hand I will have other moms and people around so I don't feel so lonley, on the other hand, no washer and dryer,no electricity (for a while, at least limited) and showers and everything I'm used to will be different. So , I'm kinda worried about that, but I figure, I'm not happy now, being all alone in a big house w/ all that stuff, I think I'll be happy w/o all that stuff as long as the company is enjoyable....so we'll see how things go. BTW, if any of you moms out there are interested in joining us or living communally get in touch w/ me and look at our website.

[mommyofboy]

Being bottled up in a house all day can be very lonely and isolating. I never would have dreamed I would have those feelings until I had my baby. I work two days a week and I think it's really good for me, I get out and get to be w/adults, etc.

Can your husband watch the baby for a few hours sometime so you can just go out and shop? Sometimes when I am stressed, I will have my husband do that and it helps.

I just joined a playgroup. It is really good to meet other moms and the kids play together. I found out about it on the internet. You might see if there is something like that in your area.

It gets easier to get out with the baby as they get older. My baby loves going out and going places. He loves to sit in the shopping carts. He's very sociable. Course, I've taken him out a lot since he was a little guy. But it's definitely harder than when I was alone.

[LizD]

Get out of the house! I realized I've been too cooped up lately when I drove to Miami last week and it was like, oh, this isn't as overwhelming as I thought it would be...why did I think it was a big deal to drive 50 miles to the city I used to visit frequently?

My mother told me when she got depressed with having a baby and being cooped up she made a point of watching some tv news. She said it made her feel a little more connected with the outside world. Small things like that sometimes do take the edge off.