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Who's your Dave? (super long and melodramatic) - Page 17

post #321 of 356
My Dave is Ben, and I had a dream about him last night.
In real life, I found him in the Internet a few months ago, and recieved an email from him in return... he's back in town (lives in Costa Rica off and on) and working at a pizza restaurant, but didn't specify which. It's for the best, or I'd be plotting ways to go look at him. Which would be a very bad idea. I love my DH and don't need to be messing that up.

But I still think about "dave" often, and wish he had wanted me like I wanted him. He was really something.
post #322 of 356
Yep, I've got one too. He was a high school/college-off-and-on-for-years kind of boyfriend. Although I know it wasn't meant to be, he *still* pops up in my dreams on occasion. The funny thing is that they are generally chummy, non-romantic dreams, but it frustrates me that he won't go away. It's been about 12 years since I've even seen him and I'm happily married now.
Guess it would be interesting to find out what happened to him, but not interesting enough for me to pursue it.
post #323 of 356
Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
Actually I was the one who left, my wander-lust and fear of commitment over powered my feelings for him.

That was almost 10 years ago. This summer I was wandering down a street when this guy came barreling out of a restaurant yelling my name.

It was "Dave". We've been dating ever since.
Oooh, what a great story!
post #324 of 356
It's strange that I found this thread. This subject is very touchy and emotional for me...especially because my "Dave" committed suicide 2 months ago.: It wasn't him that got away from me, it was me that got away from him for the sake of my family. It's a long story.
post #325 of 356
Here is my "Dave" story....

Please try not to judge because some of this is a little wacky. But, it's all true...

When I was quite young, I was a party girl. It's likely that I was rebelling against anything and everything but that's another story. Anyways, there was this one night that I have trouble remembering all of (yes, sad to say, lots of substances were involved) that I know I had a random one night stand with a cute guy I had met at a bar (I had a fake ID). I could describe him but never knew his name or anything about him. Bad, I know. Long story short, I was also dating someone so when I ended up pregnant, I put the one night stand out of my head and married the "good boy". Well, the good boy wasn't so good (in fact he ended up being abusive) and we were separated by the time my daughter was six months old.

Next step... When my daughter was about a year old an employee of mine decided that I just HAD to meet his pilot friend. Almost immediately I fell in love with Rick and while he looked somewhat like my one night stand, he also looked different (short hair vs. long, etc.) and, honestly, I do tend to fall for guys that look alike. We were pretty inseparable. In fact, I even moved to the opposite coast with him for awhile and tried to make things work. Unfortunately, it was sort of a bad time for both of us. His flying career sort of ended (once again, another story) and he sent me home. We still dated though... literally for YEARS. When he was in town, we'd see each other. We talked on the phone. I'd cry about him. And I guess he thought that I'd always be there...

Somewhere along the way, I decided that I'd had enough. And I moved on. I convinced myself that I could get over Rick. I told him that "this time it was really over". And, I met and married someone else. Once again, the marriage was AWFUL. I tried everything possible to make it work. I suffered through abuse and a cheating husband. And, sometimes when no one was looking, I would still cry over Rick. I hadn't seen him in years. His sister and I remained online friends even though we still lived on opposite coasts. She swore that he was still hurt by me moving on and that he had a girlfriend. I cried to her through e-mail and she said she knew her brother and I should have ended up together since it was just that kind of love affair but that looked like it would never happen now. I had another child, with autism, and I was stuck in a miserable marriage.

Fast forward a bit... My second child, a son is almost 4. My second marriage went from bad to worse. We separated. During one of the bad times, I managed to find Rick on MySpace. I sent him a long e-mail. He did have a girlfriend but it was a bad relationship too and he was in the process of leaving her. We chatted... for hours. And we confessed that we both still loved each other. The feelings had never gone away for either of us. Long story short, we started seeing each other again. During one night of talking about all of the crazy stuff we had done years before, he brought up a crazy night he had with friends... about 13 years before. Interestingly enough, his night matched my one night stand night. It was then we started to suspect that he might be the person I had the one night stand with years before.

Fast forward again... We recently had a DNA test that confirmed that Rick is the father of my 12 and a half year old daughter. That's a good thing because my first husband has never been a part of her life. We haven't told her yet, but we will. We're actively pursuing seeing where our relationship leads...

If you've gotten all the way through this, I am amazed. But, it is a true love story!
post #326 of 356

Wow, that is the coolest thing ever!
post #327 of 356
I'm glad this was resolved in a healthy manner and that you found a real lasting love with your husband. Too many times "Seans" end up wrecking one life after the other...you clearly had your head on straight!

Originally Posted by daniedb View Post
No, I swear I'm not milking it! It's hard, and long and Henry really did need something. Like lunch.

Okay, so I get this email. It's long, and it's sweet and he started by apologizing for his role in our whole cheating/breaking-up debacle. He admitted that he had a drinking problem and that he was so hurt by the end of our relationship that the easiest way for him to deal was to lash out at me. He apologized for hurting me, and said that it was at least as much, if not mostly, his fault for my decision to see Trey on the side. He understood what drove me to have that fallback position (for lack of a better term) and wanted to tell me that he was sorry for his reaction over the years that he wanted to take responsibility for his part and asked for my forgiveness, and extended his.

We began emailing and talking on the phone. I graduated and moved home for a few months. He would call every few days, and I felt like I had my best friend back. We would talk for hours at night, just catching up and laughing and playing. In that time, I ran into Darrell. My mother and her sisters share a lakehouse, like a timeshare among the family. Some of my cousins lived in Houston, and they would always bring friends to the lakehouse for their month, because it was 3 hours away whereas we were 15 minutes away. Darrell was my cousin's best friend and I saw him every summer growing up. One of the cousins had a bachelor party at the lakehouse and asked me to come out. I hadn't seen Darrell since high school, and we had both since really "grown up". I remembered this little skinny, blonde kid that was nice, and we wrote letters back and forth all the time. Imagine my surprise when he was a big, grown, hunk of a man. We stayed up all night talking, and for the first time, I could see myself being with someone and loving him like I had loved Sean. We went to coffee a few times, but kept it platonic, since I was totally freaked out about being hurt.

A few months go by, and my cousin's wedding happened in Houston. Darrell, having grown up with him, was also invited, and Sean was living in Houston. I mentioned to Sean that I was going to be in Houston for the weekend, and he asked if he could take me to lunch. I accepted, and a few weeks later, I'm at the hotel, and he knocks on the door. I open the door and there he is. We drove to the restaurant and had lunch, and the whole time, the air is almost crackling between us because there's so much chemistry and tension (the good kind) and the words we're saying are, I'm sure, very intelligent and meaningful, but all we could think about was what we were going to do later. We ran around town, and played "Who can hold out the longest until one lunges for the other one" and we were at a standoff.

We drove back to the hotel, and he walked me up to the room. I was sharing with my sister, and my parents were right next door, so there was an added element of secrecy about the whole thing. They knew I was out with him, but based on what I've told you about their morals, they would not have been pleased to see the air between us lighting up with repressed sexual tension. We walked into the hotel room, said our goodbyes, and tentatively hugged each other. I remember just standing there for the longest time, just melting into him, and him just holding him tightly and neither of us breathing. We released each other, and he walked toward the door. He opened it, and I walked to shut it, both of us still waiting the other one out, and then like that, he was gone.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, with tears about to spring to my eyes when the knock came. I flung the door open, and he came charging through it, picked me up while kissing me until I couldn't breathe, and we fell on the bed together. :

We got about halfway to well, you know, and we both just sat back, breathless and completely overwhelmed. I quietly said, "I can't do this again." He said, "I know." We just sat there for minutes, sitting on the bed next to each other, holding hands and just being. I got up, he followed, and I walked him to his truck. He gave me a tender, sweet, lingering but chaste kiss on the lips, then he drove away.

That night, I saw Darrell at the wedding, and I felt this total sense of peace wash over me, that he would be a solid, steady and loving partner, and I wanted to pursue where that was going to go. We ended up spending the night snogging in his car. I'm such a tramp. : That was the only time I've ever been felt up by two guys in one day.

When I got back home, that Monday, the phone rang. I picked it up, and when I heard Sean's voice on the other end, and my heart sank, because I'd hoped it was Darrell. After we hung up, I literally did a dance around my room, because I knew that the Sean chapter was finally closed. With a great deal of love in my heart, and many unresolved issues, to be sure, but at least I knew that it was over for us. It was the most intriguing mix of relief and heartache.

When I told Sean that Darrell and I were engaged, he was silent for a while, then said, "I wish I could have had another chance with you. I would have gotten you." I responded, in a very rare moment of humility and laying myself bare in front of him for the last time, "You could have had me. You know that." He very quietly said, "Yeah, I guess so."

Since then, we've corresponded less and less. I've worked through a lot, but I still dream about him sometimes, and the dreams are beautiful. They're never sexual, but just us, together, talking and laughing. I miss him and his friendship greatly, what we had was something I'll never find again. I adore my Darrell, and I would choose him a million times over Sean to marry, but there will always be a part of my heart that Darrell will never be able to capture. It's already been won.

Recently, he moved in with his girlfriend, and I gave him a little obnoxious lecture on marrying her, she's a really neat girl. I told him he better grab her while he can, before she gets sick of his shit and moves on. A month later, he emailed me that they were engaged. I am very happy for him, and I hope they last a long, long, long time.

I still pray for him almost every day, and I also pray that God will find a way to let us be together in heaven, somehow, and fulfill that relationship that we never did figure out how to manage. I believe that's going to happen, and I can look at our time as a part of who I am, rather than who I want to be or wish to become...I'm so content with my life, and I know that had I married him, I would never have reached the peace I have now.

post #328 of 356
Originally Posted by mama ganoush View Post
Because you're cool, and we are all living vicariously through you.
post #329 of 356
Originally Posted by VWChick View Post
Fast forward again... We recently had a DNA test that confirmed that Rick is the father of my 12 and a half year old daughter. That's a good thing because my first husband has never been a part of her life. We haven't told her yet, but we will. We're actively pursuing seeing where our relationship leads...
NO. WAY. That is just crazy :
post #330 of 356
My Dave was a sort-of boyfriend in college. I was WAY more into him than he was me. I never worry about the ones I dumped though think that's pretty typical. lol

He is married, a lawyer, and apparently plays soccer on the weekends. He also lived in a little brownstown in the city for a while. Yes, I googled him once. : : : :

Do you want to see his picture? It's on the Internets!!!

Bad bad bad bad bad Peri. :
post #331 of 356
Originally Posted by annethcz View Post
NO. WAY. That is just crazy :
I know.... IT IS CRAZY!

Trust me. We're both still very in shock over the whole thing. It's a pretty complicated situation and certainly one of those whole truth can be stranger than fiction deals.
post #332 of 356
I met my "Dave" when I was 12, after hearing about him for most of my life...

Short background explanation: His mom and my dad grew up in the same church. They were best friends. They stayed in touch even though they both moved to opposite coasts. So I grew up hearing about him and his little sister, as I'm sure they heard all about us. We really wanted to meet them, and one summer they came out to Vermont...

And we HATED one another. The next summer he came out to go to teen camp with me (run by our church). I got a big crush on him, but he got a "girlfriend" nearly the first day (consisting of holding hands, but still). The next summer he didn't go, but the summer after that he came to the annual Christian conference in PA. So we saw one another every summer...and it's very odd when you only see these friends once a year for exactly a week, it's like another world, I'm not sure how to explain it. Anyway, we were in the same clique, basically the losers, all we did all week was play Mao, this card game. And he had a crush on my friend Amber and vv, and I was jealous, but I knew he didn't feel the same way about me and he lived in CA anyway. Anyway, we were constantly in touch through email, and he graduated early and went to grad school at MIT where I would visit him...

...and we always flirted like mad and cuddled like crazy, and we'd finish one another's thoughts and sentances, and we'd talk for hours and hours. He spent one summer in Vermont and I introduced him to the joys of mj and dark beer. That summer he had a gf and though we flirted and cuddled all the time, I didn't want to mess that up for him so I refrained from having him cheat on his gf--I'm more honorable than that! Although he said he was sorely tempted. And when he went home, she dumped him for someone else.

We never dated. We never even kissed. We were like "soul mates" (a concept I don't really believe in, but that's the closest explanation). Lots of sexual tension and all that. Lots of always wanting to stay touching in some way, whether hands or toes or just fingers brushing against one another. The last time I saw him was my first summer in Alaska...I went down to LA to see him for a weekend. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me back, that he'd always loved me, but he was afraid that things would never be the same--that we'd never be able to go back.

Basically, he chickened out. But I mean...I hate LA. No way I'd move there. Not even for him. And he thinks AK is the sticks--which it is. I just talked to him again recently. He said he's been severely depressed for the past 3 yrs...which is why he hasn't been in touch with anyone. This is true. My mother knows all. Now he's back in school, at UCLA. He's getting his PhD in Finance and Micro-Economics.

DP knows a little bit about him, but DP is super jealous even when someone is not a threat. Would "Dave" be a threat if I saw him again? I don't know, because I don't know if those feelings will still be there. But I know I'll see him again...it's just always the way it seems to be...
post #333 of 356
post #334 of 356
vwchick- thats freaky but really cool
post #335 of 356
Oh NO---this thread!! Again!!!?? You Must go away!!:
post #336 of 356
Thread Starter 
Not a single post in 2008?

post #337 of 356
Woo-hoo! Mama G is back, and so is this thread!

(I contacted my "dave" last year, and totally got over it. It was awesome!)
post #338 of 356
Originally Posted by mama ganoush View Post
Not a single post in 2008?


hey babe!:
post #339 of 356
my dave is marrying a mountain mama.

he was lovely.
post #340 of 356
do tell deary.
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