dd is always last to be picked

[chel]

I know the best thing would be to take dd out of her preschool (4.5 hrs 2x/week). We are trying to move so hopefully it won't be an issue for much longer. But, in the meantime how should I handle this...
At dd preschool kids get to pick partners for "center time" (kitchen, cars, dolls, playdough, books, computer, coloring). Teacher only lets 2 kids play in each center. The class is 11-12 and dd feels like she is always the odd man out and usually play in a center by herself as she claims "no one picks her, or that there is no one left for her to pick" or the dd and the next to last person want to play in different center (boy cars/dd dolls) (kitchen, playdough, and computer centers are always the first to be picked) She has 2 close friends in the class but they usually pick eachother. At the start of the school dd mentioned this but often 1 of the 2 friends were absent and dd could handle playing by herself during the other times. Well now it seems to be happening every time and dd expressed the desire not to go to school, always right after school but never the morning of school.
I've never been comfortable with the picking partners, especially where someone is left out. Atleast the teacher could make a group of 3 for the last pairing. dd doesn't have problems with the schools playground time or at the neighborhood playground so it's not so much that no one wants to play with her, but that she is no one's top pick.
How does everyone else handle the "last to be pick syndrome"?

[jempd]

I think this is REALLY poor policy of the teachers. I would let them know that I thought that, personally. They let the kids do the picking, and it's in groups of two? Not sound education methadology for that age. And it's a tough time for kids, as they are negotiating the twists and turns of social life at that age--that's no help at all. I guess it depends on how much longer she will be at that school. If it's not that much longer I'd ride it out, but if it's an indefinite time, I would advocate for her that they do something different, even if it's making a couple of children do an activity with her.

[stafl]

I'd personally say something to the teacher about it, whether she's there for another year or just another week! Probably the teacher doesn't realize how it's hurting your child's feelings (most likely, other kids' as well), and will re-evaluate the situation. If not, you need to know now that teacher isn't too concerned about it so you can find somewhere else instead.

[Wilhemina]

to you and your dd. That sounds really harsh. What a poor policy. I think I would pull her out of that school.

full disclosure: My dd went to pre-K, but we homeschool now.

[mojomom]

You poor dd, this is always a hrad thing for me, worrying about my kids being left out.

I agree with the PP it is a very poor policy for the teacher to have. Preschool is about learing to socialize and with such restrictions on the kids that teacher puts on them by the only 2 at a time rule.
I also think doing the center thing in preschool is not good either, preschool is all about free play and kids going where their interest takes them.
I hope when you move you will find a preschool that is a better fit.

[Breathless Wonder]

I would say something.
I'm also wondering if the teacher has any ideas why this might be happening to your DD. Perhaps something has been going on at school that you don't know about (like purposeful ostracism sometimes kids exclude for the stupidest reasons, and the parents and teachers just shrug and say "That's how it is! Toughen up!"

[poppywise]

oh i feel your pain and share your concern. my ds is in pre-school and always feels a little left out when he *wants* to play with a few of the kids that never really want to play with him. it just breaks my heart in two when i either witness it or hear about it later.
i try to keep an open dialogue at all times with the teacher - good and bad. that way when i am concerned about something, i feel like i am not attacking the teacher, but rather expressing concern and offering valid constructive criticism. it does sound like a bad policy and might be a bit of laziness on the teacher's part? [not wanting to take the time to 'assign' partners...? not sure]

i just wanted to give you and your dd some
i know you'll do what is right for your sweet one.

[oceanbaby]

Just wanted to chime in that I too think that is a very poor policy. The rare times that ds's preschool 'pairs up' for anything (only for a partner on walking field trips), the teachers randomly pair up the kids. (Well, secretly the teachers are also pairing a wilder kid with a more experienced kid, etc.) There is never any 'picking' who a child wants to walk with. I've been there when they do this and it is never a problem.

Definitely mention it to the teachers.

[frand]

I confess that from K through high school, I dreaded the moments when teachers said "pick a partner." I never got picked to be anyone's partner myself!

It happened to my daughter in kindergarten last year. Every morning the teacher let a child take her class list to the office and the child got to pick a friend to go with. My daughter was always picked last, when everyone else had had a turn. Once this happens once or twice, I think the kids 'lock' into a view of always not choosing that child. I think I figured this out too late.

I have always thought 'pick a partner' was a lazy way of organizing any class activity. The teachers I loved were the ones who paid enough attention to class dynamics to pair opposites so there weren't the predictable results of same old same old. It is how I wound up making my best friend. It took the edge off focusing on who you got to 'be' with and instead focused on the activity and learning. I don't know why the attitude to date has always been to tell the left out child to toughen up when the right thing is to teach children (girls in particular) learn how to socialize with an open mind.

A long winded way of saying I have learned now, I would talk to the teacher.

[dallaschildren]

I went through something similar when we enrolled DS # 1 into his pre-school and I just want to tell you that I believe any teacher who does the pick your team crap at that age should be locked in the closet...ESPECIALLY when there are a few kids who may be out that day and the numbers are uneven to begin with. Anyhow, I spoke to the teacher about it, she agreed she thought it was crappy and I came to her with some suggestions. For example...she needs to pick the teams...that way kids are paired with someone different each time and everyone is ensured a partner. It also teaches the kids or actually I should say exposes the kids to all kinds of people and personality types. It's like adults...if you've never asked the new co-worker in the next cubicle if she wants to go to happy hour, then you'll never know you and her both scrapbook.
If there is an uneven amount of kids that day, then the teacher should naturally opt for a group activity.
We were on a wait list to get DS into this private pre-school and an opening came up mid-year last year. So the children already had their little cliques and had their things going and DS always got left out. His teacher was his partner a lot but he loved her so much it turned out ok. On top of that, all the other kids starting begging the teacher to be their partner when they saw how much fun DS had with her. It tears at your heart and I would actually choke back tears and turn away every time DS said that to me. It just literally is the saddest and cutest thing at the same time and I so wish cliques didn't exist anymore. They are starting younger and younger.