Don't get pregnant - Page 2

[FreeRangeMama]

I am tandem nursing through my 3rd pg and my 1st 2 are not going to be weaning anytime soon. We will CLW all children we may or may not have whether I am nursing 1 child or 4. If I would have waited till ds1 had CLW before conceiving ds2 I would have deprived him of an AMAZING sibling relationship that has enhanced his life in so many ways I cannot count. He is looking forward to sharing nursing with a new baby, in fact, he hopes I will have 100 babies (not in my plans though :LOL).

I agree with the idea of natural child spacing. I was not able to conceive ds2 until ds1 decreased his nursing and started eating more solid foods. I believe at that point he was ready for me to conceive. I conceived #3 when ds2 was 10 mo, but he is a much more independant child and nursed much less for comfort. He still nurses frequently now and I am 25 weeks. He rarely NEEDS or WANTS to nurse at night. Every child is different, and every family is different. I am thrilled that my children will not only benefit from having a long and fulfilling CLW relationship with me, but also from having a close and bonded relationship with each other. Their relationship will continue long after nursing has ended and I am glad they are close in age and close with each other (so far).

JMO, but CLW and child spacing have very little to do with each other most of the time

[Peony]

Hmm, this is a interesting thread. DD is 2, I practice ecological bfing, af has yet to return. Sometimes I would like for it to return soon, as I am getting that urge again, but then again I worry about dd, she still bfs alot, more then all of the younger children we know. I feel that if they really want to continue bfing, then they will.

[AnnMarie]

Originally Posted by tuffykenwell

So because I got pregnant before my DS was 2.5 I didn't practice CLW?? And it is my "fault" that he weaned? Nice

IMO it's still CLW because they decided to stop nursing. My son did the same at about 15-16 months old because I was pregnant. I didn't force him, he decided to stop on his own. My youngest son didn't nurse much longer than my older son. He was just a little bit older than 2 when he stopped on his own.

[kavamamakava]

HA! My body didn't get that memo. My son recently weaned at 3 yrs. 9 months and it was the 2nd pregnancy he nursed through. He had already cut way back before I even got pregnant though. My daughter is still going strong. Sometimes she nurses as often as 8 times a day and 3 times at night. She's 2 1/2. I was not TTC.

[mom2threenurslings]

I disagree with the OP also. It's like saying "If you want to make sure you CLW, don't get a gastrointestinal virus for a week (or get in a car accident and be hospitalized for an extended time, etc.) because your milk may dry up due to dehydration." Most kids who really want to continue to nurse will nurse whether or not there's milk! There are so many factors that could lead to a child weaning ... the child getting sick, the Mama getting sick, mouth trauma, peer pressure ... many things that are, for the most part, out of our control.

I am tandem nursing through pregnancy for a second time and will most likely be triandem nursing (as I did for over 18 months after the birth of my dd). This will be my fourth living child. Obviously my nurslings have no problem continuing to nurse when I'm pregnant and I'm blessed with plenty of milk to do so. I also know that they would continue to nurse no matter what, unless they were ready to wean. They've told me so! I couldn't imagine not nursing through pregnancy, tandem nursing, triandem nursing, etc, and neither can my kids.

[mimim]

I think that if you are absolutely determined that nothing interfere with your nursing relationship, it's a good idea to consider very carefully what getting pregnant is likely to do that relationship. However that certainly doesn't mean that you should wait until your child is fully weaned to TTC or that a child weaning themselves during pregnancy is not child led weaning. It just means weighing the pros and cons with a lot of consideration.

Personally, I would never TTC until I felt that my little one was old enough to stop nursing if neccessary. If I was trying to TTC and had a baby under 2 or so, I'd appreciate someone reminding me of the changes that my breasts will likely undergo. Of course, I prefer a wider age gap between my kids anyway.

That said, my DS is almost 33 months and I'm 30 weeks pg. We have had a lot of challenges throughout the pregnancy - reduced supply, nipple pain, he dislikes the taste of colostrum, changes in latch, general annoyance on my part. However we have made it through so far and are still nursing several times a day. I'm certain that he will nurse along with the new baby.

[kavamamakava]

Originally Posted by mimim

I think that if you are absolutely determined that nothing interfere with your nursing relationship, it's a good idea to consider very carefully what getting pregnant is likely to do that relationship. However that certainly doesn't mean that you should wait until your child is fully weaned to TTC or that a child weaning themselves during pregnancy is not child led weaning. It just means weighing the pros and cons with a lot of consideration.

Personally, I would never TTC until I felt that my little one was old enough to stop nursing if neccessary. If I was trying to TTC and had a baby under 2 or so, I'd appreciate someone reminding me of the changes that my breasts will likely undergo. Of course, I prefer a wider age gap between my kids anyway.

That said, my DS is almost 33 months and I'm 30 weeks pg. We have had a lot of challenges throughout the pregnancy - reduced supply, nipple pain, he dislikes the taste of colostrum, changes in latch, general annoyance on my part. However we have made it through so far and are still nursing several times a day. I'm certain that he will nurse along with the new baby.

Thanks for summing it up

[FreeRangeMama]

I think that if you are absolutely determined that nothing interfere with your nursing relationship, it's a good idea to consider very carefully what getting pregnant is likely to do that relationship. However that certainly doesn't mean that you should wait until your child is fully weaned to TTC or that a child weaning themselves during pregnancy is not child led weaning. It just means weighing the pros and cons with a lot of consideration.

Pregnancy and a new sibling will change your relationship with your child regardless of whether your child(ren) is nursing or not (and regardless of the age of your child(ren)). I think TTC or child spacing should ALWAYS be given that consideration when possible, both the current children and the future children deserve that much. To focus on whether or not to have another child based SOLEY on the nursing status of your children misses so many other important factors. There is no right answer for ALL families, and for the OP (or anyone) to say that you should do XYZ because that is right for THEM is very presumptuous. We prefer to let our children naturally space themselves, and will do so until we are "done" having children. Other families may choose to space their children differently. Sometimes despite the best laid plans a mother becomes pregnant very soon after a previous birth when she didn't want to and sometimes a mother cannot conceive again even though she tries every method available to her. None of these things mean our children haven't (or won't) CLW. Every child is different, every mother is different, and every situation is different.

[Too Busy]

My fertility returned when my DD was about 3 months old (I cannot remember exactly) and this was despite nursing her CONSTANTLY. She was then and is still nursing a million times a day. I choose not to use hormonal BC because it isn't natural and can interfere with the nursing relationship. My DH cannot use condoms because I get really bad UTIs that have turned into horrible Kidney infections in the past (something else that can effect nursing and is unnatural).

We use charting, but even that can fail. I had a blighted ovum when my DD was about 6 months old. If nature intended natural child spacing to be the time that the first child is nursing, then women like me wouldn't get pregnant. I actually might be pregnant right now (af is three days late!) and am still nursing my DD. I look forward to sharing a tandem nursing relationship someday.

My DD is very attached to "boob boob". And I know that it is much more for comfort than food because she eats a lot of solids. So I don't worry about getting pregnant. And I doubt that will effect our nursing relationship. It just alters it. But that is life... it changes everyday in many ways that we cannot control. Fertility is one of them.

I agree with the PPs who said that if nature did not intend for us to tandem nurse, then we would ALL remain annovulatory until our DCs were fully weaned.

[amysuen]

If you're nursing and haven't had a period, how would you know if you're pregnant?

[Jacob'smomma]

I think it is really sad that as nursing mama's we need to read threads like this one. The nursing relationship is a partnership between mother and baby and every situation is individual. I am sad that with the strength and determination we all have to nurse our children as long as humanly possible that we are even subjected to posts like these. We need to support each other, not undermind each others confidence. We get enough of that from other sources as it is!

I am upset that I came accross this post being a pregant mother who is nursing her 23 month old. I suppose I am doomed now huh? Sacrcasm intended!

[Milakais]

Originally Posted by Jacob'smomma

I think it is really sad that as nursing mama's we need to read threads like this one. The nursing relationship is a partnership between mother and baby and every situation is individual. I am sad that with the strength and determination we all have to nurse our children as long as humanly possible that we are even subjected to posts like these. We need to support each other, not undermind each others confidence. We get enough of that from other sources as it is!

I agree... It's too easy to set up a bunch of rules like these to judge if someone's CLW or not CLW, and I don't think it benefits anyone. We have enough judgement coming from mainstream society already, we don't need to get it here too. We shouldn't have to worry about if we're perfect enough or crunchy enough or CLW enough... we shouldn't have to feel like if we choose to add more children to our family we're somehow depriving our older children or worry about being judged as "not really CLW". IMHO, as long as you're supporting your nursing relationship, and your children are getting to make the final decision about when they truly feel ready to wean (barring misinterpreted nursing strikes and the like), then you're CLW.

Will pregnancy and future children affect my relationship with my son, including our nursing relationship? Surely. Would my getting pregnant again influence him to wean earlier than he otherwise would? Possibly... there's no way to know. Would I let that keep me from TTC again any time until he's fully weaned? No. Personally, I don't feel that would neccessarily be the best choice fo us. I would not choose to deprive my son of some of his siblings (and since there's time limits on a woman's fertility, waiting does possibly mean having fewer children), relationships that he would have for his entire life, out of fear of him possibly having a few fewer months or years of nursing, something that would still be his choice to give up or not, pregnancy or no. Obviously (or I wouldn't be in this forum), I would like my son to keep nursing as long as he wants to. But I will not feel that I'll be depriving my son by giving him a sister or brother. Nor would I feel like I'm depriving him by offering him the opportunity to have a tandem nursing relationship with those siblings.

We all have to decide what's the most important for us. If waiting until weaning to have future children is your priority, then that's the right choice for you. If having more children sooner is a priority (or simply a reality) for other families, I wouldn't say that makes them less dedicated to their child's need to give up nursing on his/her own schedule... even if it does end up speeding the schedule along more than it may have been otherwise.

[leavesarebrown]

I think part of supporting eachother also means acknowledging and empathizing with things that can be difficult about natural parenting, especially when they come unexpectedly. The time commitment and emotional and physical work of tandem nursing can be one of those difficulties for some women. Yes, there is enough negativity about natural parenting in our world to make us all want to cry and run away. But I don't think that expressing some of the difficulties--even regrets or reconsiderations--to peers is the same as criticism from people who do not share any of our parenting values and philosophies. And sharing what is hard or what one regrets--part of the realities of natural parenting--helps all of us make well-informed decisions.

I myself regret that I weaned my 2 year old to get pregnant. I had been pregnant while nursing my firstborn, and it was so painful that when I miscarried (unrelated to nursing--I'd had two miscarriages before the first one), I decided I wouldn't try to tandem nurse the next time around, but I'm pretty confident that tandem nursing would have helped my firstborn's transition to siblinghood. So that's my regret, and I'm nursing my second child longer, and waiting to even consider ttc again until after she weans, even though in our case that might (due to fertility issues) mean no more children.

[leavesarebrown]

I would like to hear more about other women's experiences and decisions balancing extended nursing and family planning. If others have changed what they have initially thought they would do because circumstances were different than they expected. Maybe then I would feel less guilt about my decision to wean my 2 yr old son (though I will always regret how quickly I did it).

[mnnice]

This has been an interesting thread. Part of the problem with CLW is that that IMO it can't be completely defined. The other problem is that we all live in a culture that likes to call things CLW that sure don't look like it to me. I know several people IRL (I include my own mother in this group) that nursed until 9-10 months and their dc took off on solids big time and really lost interest in nursing. If/When dc indicated some interests in nursing the mother denied nursing and the dc cried for a few seconds and went on to something else. I think find most of these mom's to be very sensitive to their child's needs and these weanings seem apparently untramatic to the child. They do not strike me as child lead even though many of these moms consider what happened to be child lead.

I have only had the experience of nursing one child and I do consider him to have CLW. In fact I think the last 3-4 months I really almost pushed nursing too much because it made him easier to deal with. He weaned when I was about 8 week pregnant. I don't feel pregnancy had a darn thing to do with it. He had already gone days without nursing. My supply had already dropped off significantly. I didn't have any nipple pain when we did nurse. He told his cousin at christmas time, "I don't drink momma's milk any more." He seemed neither proud nor sad about it. (His comment went completely over his 4 yo (formula feed) cousins head.)

[lifetapestry]

Originally Posted by busybusymomma

Raina,

Part of a CLW relationship is teaching them to respect, while respecting their desire to continue nursing.

I totally agree. I believe this begins early in life, too. I could never stand any twiddling or any other touching of my other nipple while nursing. I would simply redirect his hands away from my nipple when he was younger. When he was 5 or 6 months and went through a brief biting stage, I simply set him down on the floor and walked away if he bit while reminding him that there is no biting. Now, at 3 1/2, he sometimes attempts to mess with my other nipple, but I remind him that that's not OK.

Usually he prefers to drive his matchbox car "on the mama highway" -- I don't have any problem allowing certain kinds of touching during nursing, but I refuse to allow touching that I find objectionable.

I think that CLW is often a great parenting context to teach boundaries, limits, and other relationship skills.

Karla

[FreeRangeMama]

Sorry it's been hard, FreeRangeMama.

Just wanted to clarify that it hasn't been hard for me, maybe you have me confused with another poster??

I am happily tandem nursing through pregnancy and will be happily triandem nursing soon. Of course it can be challenging at times, but so can all aspects of mothering

[leavesarebrown]

Yep! I was totally confused. In fact, I hadn't even actually found my way back to the OP but thought I had.

[FreeRangeMama]

:LOL I am confused much of the time these days :LOL

I need this warning:

Warning: Don't tandem nurse through pregnancy, it might affect your ability to hold a thought in your head, confusion will ensue :LOL

[Girl Named Sandoz]

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans

Some people think that it is important for siblings to be close in age to have things in common and good relationships. That is a myth.

I agree with that.

Personally we are waiting to TTC until ds is 2.5 - 3 years (a few more months) because he is still nursing. It's my personal preference not to want to nurse while pregnant. Many of my dear friends have nursed while pregnant & are now tandem nursing happily & successfully.

I have personal reasons for wanting my children slightly further apart in age, but others have reasons for smaller age gaps. That's cool by me.