what happened to my sweet kid???

[mama ganoush]

My dd has been so obnoxious lately. she is truly driving me batty, and i don't know what to do. she has lately started using a really mean voice with me and dp, and saying really nasty, argumentative things. She's always had the most pleasant personality-sweet, funny, fun...

she went away for close to two weeks with dp to visit his family, and they have a couple of dd's-one is about a year older, and one is about 4 years older. and they are parented very differently then i do things-lots of crappy food, unlimited amounts of tv time, etc. And she has just been so rude since she got back. I figured she needed an adjustment period, but she has been like 9 days now and is getting worse instead of better.

any suggestions?

[oceanbaby]

How old is she?

My older ds will be 4 in May, and lately has been acting a little obnoxious and bratty. Not all the time, but he was so sweet and loving and reasonable all the time up until now that it has been a rude awakening for us. I guess I don't have any grand solutions, just commiseration.

[dziejen]

I was going to ask how old your child was also. My dd will be 4 in August and we are having a rough go of it lately. I remember this same stuff happening when my oldest was 3 (she's 8 now) so I know this too will pass but it's still hard. My advice is stay consistent and try to stay sane and eventually they come around and act nice again. Hang in there!

[mama ganoush]

Jade just turned 5. and i've rarely had to 'discipline' her, per se, and i feel like i'm not good at it. And I sure as hell don't have any "instincts" in that regard either-both my mother, and her mother, were physically abusive screamers. That is the 'instinct' i know. And obviously not one i intend to repeat.

last night was not a particularly great night. i was just about to give jade a bath-which she was looking forward to-when she got nasty. I told her she needed to start using her nice voice, and she looked me dead in the eye and said "Im not going to cooperate and you can't make me." Now let me tell you, if i had every said anything remotely like that, I probably wouldn't be here to tell you about it.

I just calmly said, well, now you don't get to have a bath. You can't talk that way to me and then get to do what you want to do, so it's straight to bed." Which resulted in her yelling "SORRY" a few times, when obviously she isn't really sorry, she just doesn't want something fun taken away.

She was still nasty when i was asking her to put her pj's on and get into bed, so i picked her up and put her in my bed, without our usual reading and cuddling time.

After i had calmed down a bit, i went back in and talked and lay with her awhile, and this morning she was pleasant. so, we'll how this weekend goes.

she has 2 birthday parties this weekend. Is it excessive to not let her go to one if she chooses to speak that way to me or dp. after a warning, of course?

[Penelope]

I hear ya.

My dd just turned four and she can be the snottiest, brattiest kid sometimes... other times she is lovely and we have great fun together. I too was hit and yelled at and shamed as a child, and I feel a little lost with constructive, gentle discipline when my instincts are to hit her and yell nasty things. Which I never do, but it's work.

My only suggestion is to tell her well in advance, when you hear the least hint of the attitude you're wanting to banish, what the consequence will be: any more of that voice/attitude/whatever, and there will be no X for you.

Taking away going to a birthday party seems a little bit too much to me, but it depends on whether more moderate consequences work or not. No TV is always our first, and time out in her room is a second... I know other people here hate time out, but it is better than any number of other things, and works well for us.

Good luck, mama g.

[charmarty]

OMGosh!


I just started a light hearted vent in my own thread about this. Can I just ell you guys that I am very relieved to hear there are others with dc that are going through this. I honestly thought I was a sh!tty mom. Well, that thought has not left me completely but I really felt I could not do a THING right. They are 4 too.
SInce new years eve I have not known my one dd. she is SO rude, mean and defiant. I miss my sweet little girls.


I think your dc mama g may be releasing a few of the negative things she experienced. It is a HUGE adjustment for a child to experience a different lifestyle like that all of a sudden.

[my2girlsmama]

Well..this thread caught my eye just as I sent my own 5 yr old mouth-piece up to her room for the umpteenth time today, albeit with the snack she has whined for for hours tonight even though she hasn't eaten her dinner like I asked. I am feeling like a sh!tty mother (again : ) and just plain tired.

My 5 yr old has been what you describe since she turned 4. I Miss the sweet well behaved *clean* (meaning how great they are until they learn
sh!t from school!) adoring daughter.............this new model is NO fun most of the time, b!tching and moaning about how mean I am and how her life sucks....

I am now debating to talk to principal of school( dd is in SK) about dd's teacher who instituted a stupid ignorant game at the end of class day daily where she has the boys race the girls to see who finishes getting ready first. My once calm 5 yr old now screams at me to STOP dressing or undressing her baby sister literally flipping out like a maniac. I am losing my mind and feel like she thinks I simply cannot parent...she laughed off the game when I told her.

Sigh...............maybe it is just me. :

[mama ganoush]

omg-my2girls-our little bratty angels have the same exact birthday!!!!

actually, mine has been markedly better the last 48 hours. am just waiting for the next wave of crap to come to shore...

[dallaschildren]

Originally Posted by mama ganoush

actually, mine has been markedly better the last 48 hours. am just waiting for the next wave of crap to come to shore...

:LOL
Isn't this age just awesome though?