Constant crying (3yo) is driving me insane!!!

[Mere]

Dd (just 3) cries about everything. She can be hurt, frustrated, sad, angry, etc., and her gut reaction is to cry about whatever it is. She's very verbal and we are constantly trying to help/remind her to use her words (and we suggest words for her to use), but no matter - she almost always cries first. I get so irritated by it that I find myself snapping at her for her crying; I feel bad about that, but usually by the end of the day I've lost patience.

I realize this is probably something she just will have to outgrow, but oh it's soooo frustrating! If anyone has a kid like this and has some good strategies for dealing with it I'd love to hear them.

[stafl]

you should have seen some of the threads I started when my DD just turned three!!! let me see if I can remember what all helped me...

one biggie was to get and read "Raising Your Spirited Child"...

limiting sugar and foods she has mild allergies to...

offering to nurse before she got to the point of throwing a fit...

changing the way *I* react to her tantrums and fits, not reacting in anger. Realizing that it isn't a reflection of something I am doing wrong when she acts that way. Reminding myself that there must be something upsetting her, even if I can't figure out what it is.

I dont' know exactly what helped the most, maybe it was just a stage and it passed. but it did pass, and for the most part, being her parent is much easier now than it was six or seven months ago!

[Mere]

Thanks Stafl! I think you're right in particular about changing the way I respond, but it's just so hard to respond with patience after the zillionth crying episode.

Originally Posted by stafl

but it did pass, and for the most part, being her parent is much easier now than it was six or seven months ago!

I am veeeery glad to hear that...

[Linda KS]

Is she getting enough rest? My kids both went through stages when they gave up their nap, but would get really tired. We went to an afternoon quiet time which helped.

Being tired makes a lot of us more emotional.

Healthy snacks, esp. with protein, might help too.

[supercrunch]

I could have written this post

my dd is 3.5 and cries at everything also. She is very intelligent, very empathetic, and very sensetive...all of which I absolutely adore.

...but when she's crying at 7am because the bread has gotten moldy and she can't have toast...

...or she's crying at 11am because her lunch is too hot and she absolutely cannot wait any longer to eat it...

...or she's crying at 5pm because daddy has to run out to the store alone really quick...

...or she's crying at 6pm because the top on her bottle of water is screwed on too tight and she can't get it off on her own...

...or she's crying at 8pm because the bathwater is lukewarm and she wants it to be cold (still can't figure out why she likes cold baths, lol)...

it really starts to get to me after a while.
And I will admit that at times I have really gotten frustrated with her when she is having one of those days when she will cry at just about anything :

My mom assures me that it's a normal little girl thing, and she will grow out of it, and grow into an emotionally stable, but sensetive and ultra-caring adult.

I don't really have any extremely effective ways of dealing with this, but what I have been doing lately is as soon as I see that she is about to lose it...I start assuring her that "we can fix this problem" and I try to remind her that if she's having a hard time with something, she should ask for help instead of crying, etc.

It is 100x worse when she hasn't had enough sleep, and she still takes a good 2 hour afternoon nap. If she misses that nap, the rest of the evening is just horrible.

All in all, she may be a mess...but she's my mess

[Mere]

[QUOTE=grace474]I could have written this post

my dd is 3.5 and cries at everything also. She is very intelligent, very empathetic, and very sensetive...all of which I absolutely adore.

...but when she's crying at 7am because the bread has gotten moldy and she can't have toast...

...or she's crying at 11am because her lunch is too hot and she absolutely cannot wait any longer to eat it...

...or she's crying at 5pm because daddy has to run out to the store alone really quick...

...or she's crying at 6pm because the top on her bottle of water is screwed on too tight and she can't get it off on her own...

...or she's crying at 8pm because the bathwater is lukewarm and she wants it to be cold (still can't figure out why she likes cold baths, lol)...

OMG, that's too funny - that describes dd to a tee! Even though you don't have any magical methods for making it go away (darn!) I'm very happy to hear that someone else's kid cries at all those mundane things in life. And yes indeedy, the crying really IS 100 times worse when she's tired; unfortunatley, dd only naps about half the time now so tiredness is often the culprit.

[stafl]

you forgot when she cries because her sandwich is cut in the wrong shapes, even though I asked her what shapes she wanted me to cut it in first. *sigh*

but really, it has gotten better, though she does still have *those* days...

[Stacymom]

Or how about a little girl that cries when her yogurt drips on the table, or who doesn't get the right color of cereal bowl and then cries and refuses to eat her meal, or the girlw ho will only wear one dress, and cries when it has to be washed...

Can you tell I have one of those children too? I could have written that post!

It's funny- it really is a personality thing, though. I have an 18 month old htat is a lot more easy going- if something bothers her, she fixes it or deals with it, and only screams as a last resort.

[Thmom]

my 2yr ds is simliar, although he's not very verbale but seems to cry for no reason.. he'll even come to me and say "Look I crying" and then it's an almost fake boohoo wimper but he's not playing!!! I'll ask him what's wrong and to show me etc and he just keeps at it. It drives me nuts!!! I always hug and comfort him even if it seems like there's no cause kwim... and there are times when he'll come to me just for a hug, he never asks for one but I can just tell by looking at him then I'll ask if he needs a hug and he'll say 'yeah" in the most pathetic little voice.. anyway sorry to hijack your thread. I have NO advice but tons' of sympathy!!

[Mearow]

Where do I sign up to join the mom of a cry-over-everything-child club?

My 3 1/2 year old does this. If he gets the tiniest, most miniscule drop of food on his finger, the whailing starts. And he flings his arms in wild abandon to get the dreadful intrusion off his finger, thus knocking over his milk and sending his plate scattering and then he has milk and dreadful food stuff all over his lap and his spoon is on the floor and then he really loses it because if a spoon falls on the floor, it's not like you can just get off your chair and pick it up, no, it is the end of the world and you must wail in agony accompanied by, "MY SPOON! MY SPOON! MY SPOON!"

And then there's the time his band-aid comes half-way off and he screams and screams and screams and I'm a mess trying to figure out what in the world set him off this time: I'm checking for blood or trauma or a toy that's not playing right or did you fall down? did someone hit you? did a bee sting you? and he's sobbing like there's no tomorrow and 20 miinutes later I notice his band aid flopping on his knee and, jackpot! that's it, I tell ya.

A stage. I hope. I only hope.

I try to have a sense of humor and a sense of compassion. I think he has trouble communicating or doesn't feel that he can communicate, even tho he is a great talker. He knows the words to communicate but not the life and coping skills. So I just try to talk him thru, "Oh I'm so sorry, can you tell me what's wrong so I can fix it..." 99% of time I have to guess what is wrong and then once I get the lucky answer, he pipes up, "yeah!!" and then stops crying. But more and more, he's getting to where he can tell me the problem in-between sobs.

I find the most important thing in dealing with things like this is MY attitude, MY health, and MY sleep. When I'm feeling good, I can handle it, no problem. Get a stressful day, a little PMS, a late night, and I react wrong and mean. [Just my excuse to pamper myself, hee, hee...]

[supercrunch]

...so I guess this is where the phrase "crying like a little girl" comes from, eh? :LOL

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Yes, 3 is really hard. It was much, much harder than 2 for us. We even had a little support group going a while back.

A friend of mine said to my crying DD, "It's hard growing up," and DC stopped. I think this is part of the issue for them and knowing that has helped.

Not much to add other than it still goes in waves for us and we're in a good patch here at 3+4months.

[MilkOnDemand]

Finally, a support group for mommies of 3 year old girls! Wow, two was nothing compared to 3. Dorothy cries over things that are so trivial to me, but seem to be major events to her. I've comforted tears over literally spilled milk, not getting the right plate, not getting the flowered fork (they are all silver in color, who knew the flower was better), lids being on too tight, the wrong sheets on her bed...and on and on. Things seem to be getting better recently, but I spent many nights in tears wondering if it was something *I* was doing wrong.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Oh, do you have to have a 3 YO girl to be part of this support group? I have a 5 YO boy who still does this. And I hate to discourage anyone, but its been 2 years now and he still is like this. Absolutely anything sets him off, at least at home. His preschool teacher tells me that, at school, it only happens about once a month and they take it very seriously because he doesn't loose it as much as other kids! So, I am still wracking my brain about why he is so different at home. And trying to not to kill him when he starts the 6th crying episode before lunch, because little sister dared to touch his balloon.

I've moved from ignoring it to actively trying to give him coping mechanisms to help stop crying. Things like taking deep breaths. Anyone else have any suggestions for how to couch a response other than crying? We've tried deep breaths, asking for help, using words (he's only got a vocabulary of a million words, why won't he use them)... For that matter, anyone have any tips for living with this? I'm finding I'm out of patience and am getting less and less able to cope with it.

[journeymom]

I'll admit my 3 y.o. ds cried less than 3 y.o. dd did, but he still cried, especially after he gave up that nap. Yuck!

[Jen PN]

How 'bout crying for 20 minutes that you want the EXACT thing you're holding in your hand?

Or how 'bout another 20 minutes dedicated to the fact that you thought the bathwater USED TO BE too cold?

Not THAT cup, I want more of what I haven't finished, I need my snowpants for that car ride, I CAN'T put my boots on (even tho I do it 5 times a day myself), that's not big enough...

It's dizzying. Is there room for a sensitive very verbal used-to-be-so-happy-go-lucky 3yo BOY on this board too? My 6 yo daughter is my intense kid, her third year was BRUTAL, while there are so many ways I know he'll be so much easier, she wasn't a big crier like he is. Oi, some days I swear he cries75% of the day. We've already tested for and eliminated food sensitivities, I considered bringing him to the MD last week, but now reading this post I have a feeling this is just what I'm in for...till it too passes... (quickly?! ;0)

[Mere]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

I've moved from ignoring it to actively trying to give him coping mechanisms to help stop crying. Things like taking deep breaths. Anyone else have any suggestions for how to couch a response other than crying? We've tried deep breaths, asking for help, using words (he's only got a vocabulary of a million words, why won't he use them)... For that matter, anyone have any tips for living with this? I'm finding I'm out of patience and am getting less and less able to cope with it.

Oh, if only I knew...the main thing we do is just try to give her words for what she's feeling, even though I'm pretty sure she knows those words already. Someone said it just right earlier, about having the right words, but perhaps not the right coping skills to use those words at the right moments.

I have really been desensitized to dd's crying, and this weekend it came back to hit me in the face. We were getting ready to go somewhere and dd was crying about various things - something sticky was on her finger that she couldn't get off, she wanted to bring her sippy cup of apple juice with her but couldn't find it, and her stomach hurt (which she says a fair amount, and usually it means she has to go to the bathroom). I was losing patience so I kind of blew it all of and didn't really attend to her at all. Well, a few minutes later she's throwing up : . I felt really bad.

Anyhow, it's very heartening to know that other people are going through this intensely frustrating, crying-over-trivialities phase too!

[TEAK's Mom]

DD1 won't be 3 until April, but we are right here with you. We've taken to talking about crying time and that she can cry as long as she needs to, etc. Sometimes, she announces that she needs to cry and then does it. Sigh. I'm glad you're all here with me (even though I wish we didn't need the support).

Her crying is not a reflection on me...Her crying is not a reflection on me...

[MilkOnDemand]

We had a complete and total meltdown last night. I took Dustin for a hair cut and then we went next door to a resale shop to see if they had some new tennis shoes for Dorothy &/or some pants for Dustin. Well, Dorothy found a pair of jelly sandals 4 sizes too big and she wanted them, no amount of reason would satisfy her. We left with her in tears & no purchases. Instead of getting into her carseat, she dropped to the minivan floor crying. This went on for about 10 minutes, and she wouldn't let me touch her, or her big brother. Finally, she let me hold her for another 5 minutes, and then sat down. I know she had a rough day, she got a bloody nose from a jumprope, and she had stayed the night at her dad's, but I just wish there was something I could do to comfort her. Maybe the crying is what she needs, but it kills me inside, not because it is irritating, but because I don't know what to do.