When are you telling your employer??

[EStreetMama]

Wondering what the right thing/etiquette is on this. Would love to hear how everyone else is handling it!!!!

Thanks,

Adrienne
expecting #1 on 8/10

[Jaimep]

Well with my first

I had to tell them right away because I was a Vet Tech and could no longer do X-Rays or lift/wrestle the really big dogs.
If I was working in a office, I think I would wait a few months.
I guess it depends on how nice your work is and such. If they are supportive, you could tell them sooner. No matter when you tell them, I would WAIT and tell them if you aren't coming back till a month or two before you leave. But that is just me.

[TCC's Mom]

We're waiting until 12 weeks, just because it seems safer. I work at a University and want to be fairly certain everything is in good shape before telling my Dean, who is a new Dean and I worry about how he will take it. However, it is driving me crazy that some of my friends here at work keep saying things like "you look tired" or "you don't feel good do you?" or "are you okay, you don't look so hot?"! I know I will be able to explain a lot the middle of February when I "come out."

We're also waiting until then to tell our 3 yo dd, who we think will tell the world the minute she has "official" news (she has been asking for a brother or sister for months now, and a few times people have asked us if we "have news"...)

[Abylite]

Good question!!

I teach and I go back to work tomorrow. I've been able to wear baggy pants and sweaters these past few weeks. I'll have to wear some of the maternity clothes so I will be comfortable- but then I look like I have a little belly. I'm proud to have it... I'm 11 weeks now....thinking about telling my boss and coworkers next week- (unless they kind of "figure it out") -closer to the end of the 12th week- and I know this week everyone will have alot on their minds. I know my work crew will be supportive.

I just worry a little come next September how "light" I can make my first semester back after having the baby in August.

[CandyApple]

Good Question!

Adrienne-- I think a lot of the timing depends on your coworkers and line of work your in, but I definitely think you should let your supervisor know before they hear it through the "Grapevine"!


Abylite-- I'm in the same boat as you. I'm waiting just a little while longer to tell my coworkers and principal (around 13-16 weeks probably). I'm worried less about their initial reaction (they were great with ds) as I am about finding a good sub for the start of next year. Last time, it was very stressful being gone at the beginning of the year without proper help (just a regular sub, with no experience in teaching real lessons, handling paper work, decipline, etc.). So, I really want my principal to focus on finding a better replacement for next fall...


Hope this helps and good luck,
Amanda

[fiddledebi]

I'm not telling my boss until she asks me.

My boss is a really clueless person socially. She has still not congratulated me on the birth of my first child (who is now 2.5), she doesn't show any empathy or sympathy about people's family lives, and courtesies that occur to lots of other people (like "pregnant women might not want to stand in your office for a meeting -- perhaps we could sit somewhere") don't occur to her. She's not a mean person by any means, and she has two kids of her own, but she is just really unable to focus on anything but work. If I tell her and she doesn't ask me anything about how I am or how things are going for the next 6 months, it will just make me resentful. SO, I'm not going to volunteer this information to her. I'll be pretty obvious in a few weeks, I think, which means that everyone else will notice soon and she'll probably notice in a couple of months. When she asks, I'll admit it, and suggest we discuss my future plans as the time gets closer.

That said, this weekend I was in Boston for a conference for this job, and was with tons of coworkers I'm close with. I told most of them.

[Fisherb]

I'm waiting until at least the middle of Feb. Today is my 12-week appointment, but my birth timing is BAD.

I work in construction, doing Business Mgmt for a company that is growing really fast. This means next August is going to be CRAZY! AND, we just hired someone that told the owner she was pregnant when he offered her the job. At first, I thought she was nuts for sharing so early, but as it turns out, there was no hiding her morning sickness. Poor woman. Anyway, she's due 8/11, and I'm due about 8/1. In a company of 8 employees, this is really tough to take.

Needless to say, I know my boss (the owner) will be personally very, very supportive. He wants nothing more than to have kids, and I've been very open about Dave and I wanting 1 more, and wanting them close together. But, he'll hate this timing. Can't deny him that.

[lilgreen]

I've always figured that, unless there is a health reason to do so sooner, 12 weeks is the best time to tell your boss. That way, the risk of m/c is almost over and it's soon enough that there's no risk of him or her finding out through someone else or just by guessing.

That said, I'm telling my boss next Friday when I'll be just 2 days shy of 12 weeks. I feel bad, because after my year mat leave with ds, my work gave me two years of leave while I finished my university degree. So, I just returned in September after almost three years of them securing my job position for me.

Truth be told, the only reason I returned was to qualify for mat benefits again (1 year, 55% of income and my work tops it up to 80% for the 1st 15 weeks). Yes, I'm using them, but I work for the biggest media coorporation in Canada and one of the largest in the world. So, really, I shouldn't feel that bad at all

Take good care,
lilgreen

[henhao]

Wish I Were Canadian

Canada and many European countries have the best mat plans. I'll get 4-6 unpaid weeks off of work. And I live in the "best" country, right?

I told my company already. When I was doubled over in pain, shaking, sweating, and about to faint in my office when I was supposed to be in a meeting, it seemed like the time to say something.

I'm 10 weeks and one day.

[Kaitnbugsmom]

I had to tell mine ASAP this time because of the lifting, chemicals and whatnot involved in my job....

THe last time, I also had to tell my boss and his boss ASAP because I had to drastically cut back my hours and had an immediate lift restriction. Then of course there was the popping out of the work pants at fourteen weeks, so I had to get clearance to wear stretchies, which was totally against dress code...

The first time would have been easy, but I have this nasty habit of being brutally honest. I literally wore the same wranglers into the delivery room that I wore the night she was concieved. But I told my main boss the next day {post conception} and when I got hired on at my backup job I waited and told them after training {not honest to the point of stupidity after all}

With my losses, I was in high school and it's a small town. Everybunny and their inbred brother knew practically before I did.... no need to say a word...

[LittleYellow]

I had to tell basically right away because of the morning sickness. However, I only told the one (of four) supervisor who is sympathetic to illness and has been pregnant before. She basically has told the other supervisors that "she's sick and under a doctors care." I've been home for 2 1/2 weeks now and feel very anxious about that, but the woman who I told at work seems only concerned that I feel better.

I'll be 12 weeks next Monday and can't wait to share with my co-workers that my extended illness has a good cause. I'm sure they'll be happy to know too since my supervisor says a lot of people are asking about me (makes me feel all warm and fuzzy)

[carrietorgc]

since I work at home, haven't told anyone yet. will tell my boss at 12 wks, but that is b/c I don't know what the leave policy is and I want to know what they'll pay. we have enough saved for me to take a year off unpaid, BUT my friend that used to work there has told me that our boss will give 6 mo paid.

That said, I'm planning on taking 6 mo. This is SUCH a cushy job, (full time but only work about 15-20 hrs a wk, mostly from home), that there is no way I want to jeopardize it.

[Mayapapaya]

I guess I'll tell them around 12 weeks or so. I don't really want to because I think there is going to be a relatively negative reaction to my announcement. I am a pediatric neurology fellow, and my being out just means extra work for others. Somehow in medicine, no one is sympathetic to pregnancy, at least that was how it was during my pediatrics residency. They were never happy that someone in the program was pg.

I'm hoping that my fellowship will be nicer outwardly, but I know that the private reaction is probably going to be the same.

Sigh.

[alexia_i_aa]

I told at 11 weeks because I was starting to pop out (had a few more weeks with DD). My boss was not thrilled because I just had a baby a year ago. She didn't say so, but I got a rather insincere "congrats." I was furious last time I came back from maternity leave because my budget and headcount had been slashed, etc. -- stuff they'd never dare do to that extent had I been there. (Different boss -- I worked for a VP at the time.) I'm a senior manager. Senior managers and execs are vultures when they smell an opportunity. Grr.

Alexia

[mom_in_training]

as someone in Europe

I can't tell my "employer" (I'm a medical student, so I don't have a real employer) at all. The school and training policy is to restrict your access so far that you can't continue in your studies pretty much as soon as you get pregnant. With the mandatory maternity leave this means almost 8 months out, which means another year of med school (tuition is not expensive here, but I have to stay enrolled, otherwise I lose my spot, so add that to what basically adds up to a year lost pay). The down side of the great maternity leave, which is only fully paid for some people; others, like me or anybody self-employed or on temporary contracts, have all the restrictions but none of the benefits. Fortunately, it is not against the law to lie about being pregnant. It makes everything very tough, because it means you can't tell anybody at school at all and at some point it does become obvious, and you have to continue to lie. I was lucky with my first one that it was winter and I really didn't show much so nobody asked. This time it will be the middle of the summer, so it will be harder. I hope to be far enough along when this blows up in my face to only have to miss 6 months, so I only miss one semester.

[nancy926]

I work at home, so I could wait quite awhile...except I'm probably going into work next month for a few days. So I figure I will tell my supervisor between now and then. I also have a "new" supervisor (who isn't in charge of what I do but is in charge of my potential raises/bonuses...go figure!) - I haven't met him yet so if I don't tell him, he may just think I'm big in the waist, lol. But I will tell him as well when I see him.

I'm planning to take the maximum time off that I can, but also plan to return to work (i.e. not quit). Last time I started back part-time after 2 months (1 day a week, then 3 days a week) and finally went full time after 4 months.


Nancy

[heldt123]

She accidentally noticed I was holding my stomach in a state of nausea one morning and said "uh oh, are you sick?" I said, yeah, I'm pregnant. Made things easier as I didn't have to figure out a way to tell her.

Not sure if I will go back or not...took 2 years off work for first child. I'm trying to find some sort of business to do at home for the extra income as I don't care for the idea of pumping and leaving a baby with someone else. Planned to go back to work after having Nathan, but he screamed up a storm anytime you even thought about bringing a bottle of breastmilk to his mouth, I don't think he liked the feel of the fake nipples even though I tried about every brand I could buy up here. Needless to say, a lot of frozen breastmilk went to waste. I wish that I would have known sooner that I wouldn't be returning to work as my former employer waited a long time and kept my name on the schedule and everything. I felt guilty for stringing them on that long...pretty sad excuse (baby won't drink from bottle), but what do you do? I think this time I will just tell them I'm not planning to go back to work about 2-3 weeks before I plan to quit working or before my due date, and then if I do change my mind, they will probably still take me back.

[heldt123]

Originally Posted by TCC's Mom

We're also waiting until then to tell our 3 yo dd, who we think will tell the world the minute she has "official" news (she has been asking for a brother or sister for months now, and a few times people have asked us if we "have news"...)

That's great that your daughter will be excited! I feel bad because anytime we talk about a baby, brother, or sister, our son just says "no, no, no." He is severely determined that there will be no baby, sigh.