Dump Your Fears Here (ridiculous or otherwise)

[annakiss]

I thought it'd be nice to talk and vent and get out all our fears, be they reasonable or ridiculous. Sometimes I have very reasonable fears that I can consider outcomes for, then let go of simply by acknowledging them. Voicing our fears is, I think, a good way of seeing when we're being silly, or considering how we might deal with something "bad" happening. I think it's a good way for getting it out of us. Besides, as Pam England says, "worry is the work of pregnancy".

So I'll begin. The only one I can think of right now is what made me think of starting this thread this evening as I was driving and it is totally ridiculous. Sometimes, I think that my clutch muscle (meaning what I use to depress the clutch on my car, which I basically only use while driving) is somehow detrimental to the musculature surrounding my uterus and that I might hurt myself if I somehow overdo it. :LOL

[Velvet005]

I have one that is really really silly. Sometimes, when I am out shopping I see these mean women (they seem to be mean during the day for some reason) and I have this stupid unheard of fear that one of them will run me over with her shopping cart and hurt peanut. So because of this I tend to stay away from them as much as possible. Around here it seems like they are rather aggresive shoppers!!! :LOL

Now, I know this is really silly and outlandish. It did not start until around Christmas time though. I guess it's not as much a fear now as it was but I still find myself avoiding them.

Go ahead laugh at me.... it's ok. I am laughing as I type this - thinking of how ridiculous this is.

[CathToria]

I am afraid of having a c section. I really want a drug free delivery (my 1st 2 were vaginal w/ epidural)... but i am scared that something may "look wrong" at my delivery to make the OB's think that I need a C.

I am making plans to shield myself form this by hopefully using the MW's and by hiring a doula. BUt b/c I am "high risk"...AMA, GD, and LGA... I know that they will be "watching" for things that look wrong

[jraohc]

First, I want to say what an interesting thread this is. It's a great idea. I totally agree that voicing your fears can help make you feel better about them and find ways to "resolve" them.

Second, I'm not pregnant right now and not even trying to conceive yet, but I have a pregnancy related fear. With dd we had a hospital birth because it's the norm. It wasn't very hard for dh to talk me out of a birthcenter and into the hospital. I never would have dreamed of a homebirth. Well, now that I've done the hospital, my fear of the hospital is even greater than before. DH has "agreed" to a birthcenter for next time. I fear I won't be strong and will let him talk me out of the homebirth that I think I want. I also fear that something will happen that will require me to be in the hospital again and that really scares me.

Good luck to everyone in resolving their fears and having a safe, healthy, birth experience that you want.

ETA: Sorry, I forgot that I was looking at the May '05 board. I hope you don't mind my intruding too much. I think this is a really awesome thread! I have a May '04 baby and I enjoyed pregnancy and like to remember it by checking out the May '05 threads. Good luck to all of you and sorry for intruding.

[Velvet005]

ETA: Sorry, I forgot that I was looking at the May '05 board. I hope you don't mind my intruding too much. I think this is a really awesome thread! I have a May '04 baby and I enjoyed pregnancy and like to remember it by checking out the May '05 threads. Good luck to all of you and sorry for intruding.

Your not intruding!! Come join us anytime !!!

I am also scared my ob will see something and insist I need a c/s. I talked about this on the monthly thread a little. I try not to worry about it too much but it is always in the back of my mind. I am worried that the baby will be breech or my pelvis will be too small. My mother and my dad's side of the family has not had any problems with giving birth. So, I figure (hope) I will be ok. I told my mil about this (why did I do this? Hmm... not real sure) and she said "oh it doesn't matter about your genetic makeup. That has nothing to do with how your body will respond. Your pelvis may be too small and you don't want the baby to be stuck." Then she proceeded to tell me how she barely was able to give birth to her first child and how he barely fit and he almost didn't make it. Thus, making my fears even worse. I didn't understand the meaning of Labor horror strories until the other day. Now, I get it and I can do just fine without them. I have enough to worry about without others trying to intensify it.

[Eaglevoice]

Even though there are ways to determine whether you are placenta previa or not... I still have fears I'll have a birth experience like my mom's. When my mom was pg with my older sister (almost 40 years ago), she thought she felt her water break. She looked down and saw that she was covered in blood. To make a long story short, she had placenta previa that the doctors didn't know about and was hemorraging. She made it to the hospital just in time. They said if it had been two minutes later, she and my sister would have both died. I first heard that story when I was about 8 years old. It has stuck in my head ever since. And now that I'm having my first child, I keep thinking about it. It really freaks me out. I'm scared something will go wrong and I won't make it to the hospital in time. I'm scared I won't be able to have a home birth. I'm scared there will be something wrong...

Last night I had a dream that I had my baby, it was a boy and we were taking a bus trip to california to see my family. At one point I realized I left my baby somewhere and couldn't remember where. I kept running around screaming "I lost my baby, where is my baby!?!?" I woke up and I was completely drenched in sweat.

Weird.

[CaliMommie]

I am terrified of having to have a c/s. I have big babies & delivered both of them problems, but I am still afraid that I will have to have one this time. Part of that is I am afraid this baby is going to be huge (over 10 lbs). Especially if I go way past due~ and I really don't want an induction again.

AmiBeth

[berkeleyp]

I think this a great idea for a thread. Some of you have some definetely silly but no less valid fears.
Working through fear is important and so is imagining what life could be like if your worst fears come true.

I am filled with fear:
*that my baby will die before labor
*that my baby will die during labor
*that my baby will die after labor
*that my baby will have some severe defect
*that i will not have another beautiful hb but will be forced to go to the hospital
*that i will have to be cut open
*that i will not be able to handle another labor since my last was so traumatic

Right now i am trying to think about what i will do if my fears come true. I am envisioning a c-sec or hospital birth so that if it happens, it won't be as bad. I don't think i would survive the loss of this little one so i'm not really thinking about that.

[Rainbowbird]

Originally Posted by berkeleyp

I think this a great idea for a thread. Some of you have some definetely silly but no less valid fears.
Working through fear is important and so is imagining what life could be like if your worst fears come true.

I am filled with fear:
*that my baby will die before labor
*that my baby will die during labor
*that my baby will die after labor
*that my baby will have some severe defect
*that i will not have another beautiful hb but will be forced to go to the hospital
*that i will have to be cut open
*that i will not be able to handle another labor since my last was so traumatic

I am so sorry for your loss, BerkeleyP. I hope and pray that you have a happy and healthy birth experience this time for you and baby.

This is a wonderful thread, isn't it? We all have worries for so many different reasons.

I worry that:

I will have another 4th degree tear
That I will get PPD again (my worst symptom PP was not being able to sleep though I was exhausted!)
That I will fail again at BF
Leaving DS even though I know my sister will take care of him and my DH will be going home at night to care for him
That something will go wrong and put my life or my daughter's life at risk
That I won't make it to the hospital in time
That the attending OB will be the one guy I don't like!

[Aaudreysmom]

Having to birth my baby in a hospital is really frightening to me but I'm not planning on it and I think everything will go well with our labor and delivery so that can be avoided. It is not something that sticks in my mind but I know if the MW said "we may have to go to the hospital" I would be really scared.

I thought that I would be scared of labor again because with DD is was so very intense but really I feel like I am getting the knowldge I need to handle labor again and I am looking for a Doula so I know I will have the support I need. Really I am looking forward to another labor.

My biggest fear with this baby is breastfeeding. With DD we had a rough start starting with a 3 day seperation when she was 2 days old (I had to go to the hospital for a re-repair and decided not to take dd to the hospital because of some bad advise) and then thrush. Followed by my having to return to work shortly after she was born.

[annakiss]

I started another thread about preventing cesarean and there are some other topics that are coming up that we could discuss prevention of as well. Would you all like to discuss them here or move them to individual threads?

[annakiss]

More fears of my own:

-that I will have trouble/fail at breastfeeding again
-that anything at all will go wrong during labor
-that I will have to transfer to the hospital during labor
-that my baby might die
-that my baby will have a defect or other health problems
-that I will hate my birthing environment

Really, I'm looking for a wonderful experience full of healing and I am just afraid that somehow I don't deserve that and that something bad will happen to ruin it. But mostly I'm confident that women have done this since the beginning of time and I've done it before and there's no reason to expect that things will end badly.

[slightly crunchy]

I am afraid there will be a false positive "something wrong" on the fetal monitor.

I am afraid I will again feel failed by DH in the amount of support he can really give me in my birth time.

That I will have trouble bf this time due to my thyroid going wacko after the birth (I have hypothyroid).

I am afraid of failing the GD test, even though my only risk factor is prior big baby.

I am not afraid of having a big baby again, though I am doing what I can to eat healthfully. I kind of assume I will have another big one and plan on being able to birth him/her. Surprisingly, I am not afraid of having another c/s. It has taken a lot of work to get here, though. I really believe I will VBAC. I have spent a lot of time earlier in pregnancy thinking about, what if I am not successful, etc. but am now focusing only on the positive outcomes.

[Debstmomy]

This is good. I am glad to get this out.

Fears: A stillborn at any gestational age.
A hospital birth either starting there or transport.
Not having enough mommy milk from me or friends.
The guilt if the homebirth goes bad.

Other than getting these out, how else can we deal with them without focusing to much on them??

[fireflies~for~me]

Some "against the odds" fears that our midwife will have her other client in labor at the exact same time...

....or that she will get a flat tire on the way....

and husband will have to deliver baby...oh my!

[crysmomofthree]

I am afraid of there being something "wrong" with the baby,.
this fear is I think due to the fact I wished so hard to have a girl, and once pg I regretted wishing for the girl and feel I should have wished for a healthy baby. Because that is what everyone wants at the end of the pregnancy, a healthy baby to take (orhave) at home.
crystal

[coleslaw]

Originally Posted by slightly crunchy

I am afraid I will again feel failed by DH in the amount of support he can really give me in my birth time.

Me too. That lasted awhile with us the first time.

I fear PPD again.

I fear the 40 minute drive to the birthing center. It seems sooo long compared to my 10 minute drive to our local hospital. And that I'll end up in the hospital due to their 12 hour-limit rule of birthing before being transferred. The pressure!!!

My dd will be there but I fear that she will get in the way or I will yell at her in annoyance for some crazy reason while trying to deal with labor ruining the whole moment for her.

I'm afraid dd will be upset if this baby is a boy. She's already hoping for a sister, but I have a feeling she won't get her wish.


For all of those worried about failing bf-ing, invest in a good pump. It may or may not help, but with my first, I pumped almost solidly for the first 2 months due to pain from yeast, hormone, etc. I finally decided to bite the pain bullet on her 2 month birthday and we didnt' stop until late last year when she was almost 4. There's always a way!!! And get a good LC ahead of time! I couldn't have loved without mine. Anyone in CT, let me know if you need someone.

ETA: OK, I realized I shouldn't have said "there is always a way" because sometimes there isn't. I should have said that generally speaking with good help and support, there is usually a way.

[annakiss]

Originally Posted by Debstmomy

Other than getting these out, how else can we deal with them without focusing to much on them??

We can address how we might prevent or how we are working to prevent these things from happening. We can reassure one another. We can consider how we might deal if these things were to happen and then let go and not worry about that which we cannot control. I find that understanding what I would do in the worst case scenario is helpful for releasing the fear.

[CathToria]

I do breastfeeding help/support in my community. If anyone would like to throw out their bfing problems from the past, I can give me .02 as to ways to help......

[peacenlove]

I have been worried that something could be wrong with the baby. We choose not to have an US but now I kind of wish I had that little bit of reassurance :

I hope I am able to have a homebirth/natural birth this time, with my DS as soon as I got to the hospital I feel like I handed over my birth to strangers.

What would you suggest to prepare for breastfeeding?, last time my nipples cracked and bled and it was very uncomfortable for a long time. how can i be better prepared this time?

Thanks for this thread, I feel better just putting it out there.