Seeking c-section support

[mainegirl]

I wasn't able to find a forum here for those of us who have had c-sections and would like to talk to other similar mamas about it. If there is, please excuse my ignorance and point me in the right direction.

I had it all planned out...doula, midwife, my husband, two best friends, birthing center, no drugs. After 44 hours it all went horribly wrong and I ended up at the hospital for a c-section. It turns out my son was entangled in his umbilical cord and that's why he never descended, and in this case I truly do feel the c-s was the right decision, but I still feel a mixture of feelings over the whole ordeal.

People either want to say that I had a terrible birth experience but I really didn't. It was wonderful, even the scary parts when I was becoming more and more aware that we would end up in the hospital. It was only the very end that was messed up.

Or people want to convince me that I had a healthy baby and "that's all that matters". I disagree. The birth and the child are two different things, but I can't help feeling that I am seen as ungrateful only because I am torn apart over what happened and not happy about my son.

So, anyway...looking for other mamas who are in the same boat, or at least in the same ocean.

- Jen

[pinky]

Hi, Jen--check out this thread:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=232921

Sorry, baby calling, must run!

[Electra375]

Here is another link that might help.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...83#post2507083

It's my thread asking for help getting over the anger. You may or may not be there yet, but I wish I had asked for help when my 1st c/s happened instead of now.

[Lucky]

I went through something similar. I planned a home birth, for my 2nd baby. I rented a tub & had 2 midwives. Labor went relatively fast. Then I pushed on and off for hours...close to 5hrs. There was a decel in baby's HR, so we went to the hospital. OB said my pelvis had not expanded, and after pushing again and another HR decel, I had a cs.

After the birth and we were back at home, I wondered if I had messed up somehow. The tub was still in my room. All of the homebirth supplies were still around. it kind of seemed like I had wasted everyone's time.

I realized that my predetermined expectations toward having a homebirth were keeping me from feeling okay about my cs. I hadn't failed. The midwives, doctors, nurses, had helped me and my baby.

I also had to come to terms with my scar. It was evidence that I could not predict the outcome of my baby's birth. And a reminded let go of my judgements and all of the things that I can't control.

It helped to focus on my new baby. We had been through a difficult experience together. We needed to heal together.

for you Jen

[boatbaby]

to you!

I had the same "all natural" plan. My little guy had his own plan. He was breech. I ended up with a c/s too.
Here is a link to my c-section birth story if you're interested. (scroll to the bottom, we're the last story on the page)

But it is perfectly normal to feel a loss, even if you have a happy healthy baby in the end. I definitely mourned for the birth natural birth I missed out on, the labor I missed out on, etc etc.
You just need to face it, accept it, and let yourself mourn. Cry about it, shout about it, write about it, whatever makes you feel a little better. It will take time. And it's ok to do that even with a beautiful babe in your arms, and it will hopefully make you feel better.

[mandalamama]

my situation is very similar to yours, i had my husband and 2 doulas with me, birth plan, natural labor, etc. it was going well except Willow never dropped below -3 station, she was hung up on her cord also. it wasn't a terrible experience for me, because after 30 hours of trying i knew it was a needed c-birth so i don't have that doubt and worry. but i still feel like my body betrayed me. someone posted the link to the cesarean support thread, it's a great thread.