3 y.o. with ZERO interest in toilet -- at wit's end

[Meli65]

I can't say I have tried very hard to potty-train ds, always assuming that he would hit a certain age (3 in my mind) and decide it was something he wanted to do. This is his personality -- when he's ready to do something he'll do it, but not before.

Well, he turned three in November and just cannot be persuaded to use the potty. I have tried putting him in underwear, but he doesn't care if he wets or poops in them. I have tried letting him go naked, but again he doesn't care. I have tried rewarding him with stickers, but so far he has just sat on the toilet but nothing ever happens until he is off and back in underwear or diapers. (The potty has been available to him, and we've watched videos and read books about it for over a year!)

I feel like he has no motivation to change -- he in Pull-ups : and can just do his thing all day without stopping. He is not in preschool or anything, so he doesn't have a bunch of peers who use the toilet.

As I said, I haven't tried hard with any of these methods but I am quite frustrated with this -- right or wrong, I just feel like he is too old for this behavior and I am so tired of changing diapers (esp. with another on the way next summer). Any ideas?

[Stacymom]

I wish I had some suggestions, but I just have lots of sympathy.

I have a dd that's a little older than your son, and she is just now starting touse the potty to pee, but of course never to poop. She will very rarely use any toilet other than her special one at our house, and there are sometimes where she just chooses to go in her diaper (also pull-ups here) even if she right by the potty. It's absolutely maddening.

(In fact, that's one reason I'm on mdc this morning- I needed to give myself a time out after I asked her if she needed to go and she told me no, then less than 30 seconds later came up to me and said "Mommy, you gatta change my diaper. I'm wet and stinky." )

Good luck!

[Tracy]

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...7&page=1&pp=20

[Bekka]

If you build it they will come

I was really pushy with my eldest, and she would NOT potty learn until SHE was ready--when she was 2 1/2, she told me it was just too hard and something she couldn't focus on then (in her words). So I relaxed about it, and she learned very fast when she was 3 1/2. After all her peers in her nursery at church, friends in the neighborhood, etc. Dd #2 we relaxed about (mostly), and she learned herself, when I was 8 mos. pregnant with ds. I wasn't really interested b/c I knew there would be regression. Since we let them go their own speed though, there was minimal regression, looking back. I think that some kids just learn later.

I haven't had one be 3 1/2 with cloth diapers yet ... we'll see how it goes with ds.

BTW--neither of them bedwets or anything, and dd2 did only at major changes/stresses (still does), so like 4 or 5x/year.

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by Meli65

when he's ready to do something he'll do it, but not before.

This is key. You can't *make* him use the potty. No amount of stickers or other bribes, no punishment, no encouragement, no wishful thinking, not even your own personal expectations will make him ready before he's ready.

I'd drop the issue entirely. He knows the potty is there, he knows what it's for. Maybe in a few months casually start to mention, "I'm going to the bathroom, do you need to use the potty too?" or something like that.

You may have to come to grips with having 2 in diapers, but I promise you, he won't be in diapers forever.

[MomInFlux]

Originally Posted by Meli65

when he's ready to do something he'll do it, but not before

This is worth repeating . My DS did not potty learn until he was 3.5 years old. When he was ready, he did it. It took about 2 weeks and he went from full-time diapers/pullups to full-time big boy underwear. Then he was done, and he's stayed dry ever since, including at night. I had tried to introduce the potty at various times before, but with no success. Once he was ready, I had great success with reward stickers and ultimately a "graduation" party.

[Meli65]

Thanks for the sympathy and ideas. I'd love to hear more stories about children who just up and decided to start using the potty. We are going through a difficult phase all-around right now and it's hard for me to believe it won't always be like this.

[Trishy]

It is happening to me right now. Ds1 turned 3 in July and had no interest in the potty. Suddenly last week he was ready to go. He runs around without a diaper and just goes to the potty when he needs to go. We are still using diapers for outings and overnights but we have had one poop in the diaper in the past week and sadly an average of on pee accident a day. Comes with the territory I guess. I was really thinking that he would never potty learn and I would have to put a fresh diaper on him before he left for his prom. Things look really promising now though.

[MSings]

I can totally empathize. My son at 3.5 would not sit on the potty, insisted on a diaper at all times (ie would not go naked), would not tell us he needed a diaper change even if his clothes were soaked through or the poop was making his bottom so red he could not walk, and struggled and fought diaper changes. He was in cloth diapers which frequently leaked as they were so old and his pee volume was so large and at 3.5 years I was not going to purchase new. Did I say that he had been mostly dry at night for almost 2 years? Or that all his friends wore underpants even the ones much younger than him? I was very angry. My usual angry talk was "why are you making diaper changes so difficult, you don't have to wear diapers, you choose to wear diapers". The best thing we did was to say to him many times a day "look you are getting so big your diapers can't hold all the pee you make" and " I know that one of these days you are just going to say mama I don't want to wear diapers any more". I would say that the angry words did nothing but the positive imagery words or just time worked. One day at 3 years 9.5 months he just looked at me and said "Mama, I don't want to wear diapers any more. I want to wear underpants". He never wore another diaper. He pooped once in his underpants the next day and never again after that. He periodically has small leaks but is generally dry. He does not wear diapers at night. SO it will happen. Probably not soon enough for you but it will happen. Like you said, some kids have no interest.

[ajsmom]

It's easy! Wait until he's 4!

We never pushed but suggested that ds move to pull-ups and underwear while he was 3. 2 weeks before he turned 4 he declared, as he had all along, "I will NOT wear underwear or pull-ups, diapers only until I am a grown-up."

He turned 4 and within a month he was in underwear during the day, peeing and pooping in the toilet and wearing pull-ups at night. Even camping! A month later, no pull-ups. All done in an instant. Done when he was ready. He almost NEVER pees in bed, maybe twice in the last 6 months. He turned 4 in August.

Give it up, forget about it. Go play!

By the time the new one arrives he may get that he's the big brother and ready to pass the baton.

[Meli65]

Thanks everyone. I've shelved this for the time being.

He's getting to be an age where people are like, "he's not potty-trained?" with the raised eyebrows -- but that's my (mental) problem, not his.

Interestingly, he was playing with his animals today, who were peeing and pooping on the toilet -- as a PP pointed out, he is well aware of what he should do, he just chooses not to. So be it!