or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › "lack of discipline" thread now titled "OT Essays and Rants"
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

"lack of discipline" thread now titled "OT Essays and Rants" - Page 2

post #21 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama ganoush
no. absolutely not. But, and you need to know that my sister and i are close-and we both are very aware of each other's faults-had she not recently married this man who insisted that her dc was behaving so poorly due to a lack of sleep and some simple boundaries, she still would be saying things like "well, when he wants to go to bed he will." while at the exact same time her then 2 year old dc would be screaming, crying, hitting people, pulling his mom's hair, throwing things, just literally several hours of non-stop meltdowns. And my gentle and out of love "honey, he is telling you he wants to go to bed in the best way he knows how and you are ignoring that" fell on deaf, i don't want to dampen his spirits ears.
Your sisters situation sounds different than many others who know when their child won't nap or sleep well if they do.

I'm glad you don't equate her to a lazy and neglectful mother in the process of discussing her situation. Had that not been done in this thread, I'd have skimmed right on over it.
post #22 of 138
Thread Starter 
We also went through the refusal to take naps thing. Me or my dh would lay with dd or ds until they fell asleep, no matter how much they protested. It WAS affecting their physical and emotional health, and I don't play around with that. Just like no matter how much my toddler tantrumed because he wanted to eat a bag of sugar, I wouldn't let him do it. It could make him sick and he doesn't have the rational ability to think it through on his own...... that's what he has parents for.
post #23 of 138
Thread Starter 
Oh, and I do know a lazy parent. Sorry, but I hung out with her on a daily basis and saw it firsthand. Her dd would repeatedly hit my daughter, push her down onto concrete walkways, take everything from her... and her mom would laugh and say "Oh, let them work it out by themselves!" She was too irresponsible to deal with the behavior so she chose to ignore it. I got sick of the abuse and stopped hanging out with her. And yes, she labeled this parenting "gentle discipline". Ummmm, nope, sorry, it's a total lack of discipline.
post #24 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by candiland
Devi - sorry, I guess we don't know the same people. When something is affecting a child's health and the parents don't want to do anything about it, it is a problem. And can you please point me to the sentence in which I say "a toddler who doesn't take naps and is miserable all the time is just as bad as a severely ill child who doesn't want to see the doctor and is not forced to do so?" TIA.

I consider "discipline" guiding a child respectfully and gently... it doesn't mean "controlling" or giving time outs or spanking. : But there are some things that kids must do for their own health and well being, even if they really don't want to. It's very unhealthy for kids to not have boundaries set. We all know this here on the GD board (I hope). This is real life, and unless you live totally outside of contact with society, then kids need to be able to function in it. Otherwise you are doing them and those around you a grave disservice.
Of course kids must do things they don't always want to, but you don't get to decide what those things are for other people. If your friends child is unhealthy and crabby, you don't have to subject yourself to said child.

And, once again are equating this childs nap situation with neglecting health. Do share the evidence that this child is unhealthy because he/she are not napping like your child is.

Had you not used inflamatory language, I'd not have replied.
post #25 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by candiland
We also went through the refusal to take naps thing. Me or my dh would lay with dd or ds until they fell asleep, no matter how much they protested. It WAS affecting their physical and emotional health, and I don't play around with that. Just like no matter how much my toddler tantrumed because he wanted to eat a bag of sugar, I wouldn't let him do it. It could make him sick and he doesn't have the rational ability to think it through on his own...... that's what he has parents for.
What does eating a bag of sugar have to do with napping?
post #26 of 138
Thread Starter 
Hmmm..... not being able to socialize, play, and engage in physical activities because they just sit there and whine and cry all day long certainly doesn't sound like it's healthy. I'm pretty sure you'd have to find evidence to DISPROVE it......
post #27 of 138
Thread Starter 
What does a bag of sugar have to with napping????? Are you totally serious???? I'm saying that as parents, we have to make healthy decisions for our children. We can't give in to their every whim.... THAT'S WHAT THEY HAVE PARENTS FOR. THEY CAN'T FULLY UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS THEMSELVES. I don't think anything could be much clearer.... you're just purposefully overanalyzing everything because you are feeling incredibly defensive, for whatever reason that may be.
post #28 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by candiland
We also went through the refusal to take naps thing. Me or my dh would lay with dd or ds until they fell asleep, no matter how much they protested. It WAS affecting their physical and emotional health, and I don't play around with that. Just like no matter how much my toddler tantrumed because he wanted to eat a bag of sugar, I wouldn't let him do it. It could make him sick and he doesn't have the rational ability to think it through on his own...... that's what he has parents for.
That's your choice. I too layed down with my daughter (when she stopped napping) for hours at times trying to encourage naps, and if I was lucky enough to get her to sleep, she was up all night.

Each situation is different Candiland. I think we have to recognize that.
post #29 of 138
Okay, threads like this make me feel cranky. People are going to criticize your parenting. People are going to criticize your parenting whether or not my kids take a nap. People are going to criticize your parenting whether my kids follows a routine you recognize or not.

The folks who don't understand the concept of gentle discipline aren't going to "get it" because I parent differently.

These threads start up in the GD forum every now and then. It seems like it's about reassuring ourselves that the hard work of GD is worth it.

My feeling is that my parenting relationship is none of anyone else's business, so I don't care who criticizes it. Some of the stuff I do and don't do might strike an uninvolved party as off. The hard work of GD is worth to me to forge a good relationship with a person I will know and love for the rest of my life. I don't see a reason in the world to care whether anyone else likes it, or even if it makes someone else's mother-in-law (who wasn't going to like your gentle parenting anyway) make an off-comment.

Yup, these threads make me cranky....

(btw, mama g, I think offering your sister advice and support is a different thing than being critical. I'm glad her little one is feeling better.)
post #30 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by candiland
What does a bag of sugar have to with napping????? Are you totally serious???? I'm saying that as parents, we have to make healthy decisions for our children. We can't give in to their every whim.... THAT'S WHAT THEY HAVE PARENTS FOR. THEY CAN'T FULLY UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS THEMSELVES. I don't think anything could be much clearer.... you're just purposefully overanalyzing everything because you are feeling incredibly defensive, for whatever reason that may be.
Actually your equating letting a child eat a bag of sugar, and neglecting a childs health with a child not napping. That's a seriously irresponsible comparison and it deserves a response.

I haven't much more time to participate in this thread because I've got things to do. But, many parents who desire to control their children use all kinds of non-related metaphors.

Ever here this one about spanking:

"What if your child ran out on to the street?!" It has nothing to do with the decision not to spank, but controlling parents use it to justify their actions. Your using the "bag of sugar and neglecting health" metaphors as means to judge your friends.

I'm not angry Candiland, I just wish you'd practice a little "live and let live" is all.

Peace
post #31 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by candiland
Hmmm..... not being able to socialize, play, and engage in physical activities because they just sit there and whine and cry all day long certainly doesn't sound like it's healthy. I'm pretty sure you'd have to find evidence to DISPROVE it......
Your posts speak for themself candiland.

Once again.

Peace.
post #32 of 138
Thread Starter 
This is really bizarre. You asked how to prove a toddler not napping isn't healthy. Wouldn't you agree that a child that is unable to function because he/she is exhausted all the time isn't healthy? Or is that totally nuts or something?

I'm absolutely a live-and-let-live kind of person. But I hate the fact that I know people who run around claiming that their total lack of parenting is "gentle discipline", because it's not. That's the whole point I was trying to make. Did you read my post about my friend's toddler? Letting her hit, push, and grab every five seconds without so much as a "you shouldn't do that, it's not respectful"? That is NOT GENTLE DISCIPLINE, it's a lack of discipline. I don't understand how seeing that is somehow not being a live-and-let-live kind of person :
post #33 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend
Okay, threads like this make me feel cranky. People are going to criticize your parenting. People are going to criticize your parenting whether or not my kids take a nap. People are going to criticize your parenting whether my kids follows a routine you recognize or not.

The folks who don't understand the concept of gentle discipline aren't going to "get it" because I parent differently.

These threads start up in the GD forum every now and then. It seems like it's about reassuring ourselves that the hard work of GD is worth it.

My feeling is that my parenting relationship is none of anyone else's business, so I don't care who criticizes it. Some of the stuff I do and don't do might strike an uninvolved party as off. The hard work of GD is worth to me to forge a good relationship with a person I will know and love for the rest of my life. I don't see a reason in the world to care whether anyone else likes it, or even if it makes someone else's mother-in-law (who wasn't going to like your gentle parenting anyway) make an off-comment.

Yup, these threads make me cranky....

(btw, mama g, I think offering your sister advice and support is a different thing than being critical. I'm glad her little one is feeling better.)
Excellent post. Very well said.

Thank you.

I'm off now people as I have a child who needs my attention, enjoy the discussion.
post #34 of 138
Thread Starter 
My kids are napping :LOL

sorry, but that IS kind of funny.......
post #35 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by candiland
My kids are napping :LOL

sorry, but that IS kind of funny.......
I did have to come back and chuckle.

Hey, my kid just woke up not long ago. :LOL
post #36 of 138
FWIW, candiland - I got what you were saying in your first post and I totally agree It drives me crazy when permissive parenting (or no parenting) = gentle discipline
post #37 of 138
Thread Starter 
See, you all have discovered my dirty little secret. My kids don't actually NEED naps anymore... I just force them to take naps so I can play on MDC
post #38 of 138

Not to join a catfight, but.....

I totally agree with candiland. Sometimes being a momma is tough and requires hard decisions. But little ones are put in our care for a purpose...they need guidance.
post #39 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by bamamom
I totally agree with candiland. Sometimes being a momma is tough and requires hard decisions. But little ones are put in our care for a purpose...they need guidance.
I'm afraid for my own sanity, I have to unsubscribe from this thread.

Who on earth advocated not providing guidance?

Cheers.
post #40 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by candiland
We also went through the refusal to take naps thing. Me or my dh would lay with dd or ds until they fell asleep, no matter how much they protested. It WAS affecting their physical and emotional health, and I don't play around with that. Just like no matter how much my toddler tantrumed because he wanted to eat a bag of sugar, I wouldn't let him do it. It could make him sick and he doesn't have the rational ability to think it through on his own...... that's what he has parents for.
Again...how do you *make* a child sleep?

I realize that you say you "went thru the refusal", and you lay down despite the protest, but you haven't parented *my* child, and you have no idea what her sleep issues are. Or how hard we tried to resolve them. You just have no idea.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Gentle Discipline
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › "lack of discipline" thread now titled "OT Essays and Rants"