I've been giving this a lot of thought, and it really is a combination of a power struggle & good reasons why we don't eat or drink in the bedrooms.
We just bought a house. The apartment where we lived before we moved here had to have the carpets replaced because so much stuff was spilled in the bedroom -- the were stains everywhere and my daughter would also leave food remains all over her room so that the stuff would become moldy! It would stink.. etc.. my daughter isn't very clean.
It definitely turns into a power stuggle between us, because the bigger issue is that she just does not listen to what I ask. I start off very kind, asking nicely and explaining why and stuff, but she completely disregards what I say -- there's just no respect. I feel like I'm failing miserably at raising her!
I feel like our attachment is suffering because of the adolescent stages that she's going through. Right now I'm reading a book called "Get Out of My Life -- But first can you take me and Cheryl to the Mall?" So far it's pretty good. The thing I like is that it's explaining why adolescents act the way that they do, instead of telling you what to do about it. I figure if I can gain some perspective, I can choose my battles accordingly.
Thanks for the replies!! They really made me think.