How would you handle this?

[MamaBug]

Ok so my ds comes off the bus and says that tomorrow he wants to get off at a kids house around the block tomorrow. Now of course this is NOT going to happen, as he didn't even know the kids name. He said he gave the kid his phone # and that he would call. He then went on to say that this kid told him that he NEEDS to get a gameboy!!!! : He told him that he should ask me to get him one right away and that it does not cost much bucks! WHAT???!!!!%!$&!$^&!$(& My kid didn't know what gameboy was until today!!!!!

Ok so then the kid calls and I ask to talk to his mother. Turns out I do sort of know the kid, my neighbor babysits him on occassion. Turns out he is in 5th grade , my ds is in 1st, and that he likes to boss around kids younger then himself. My neighbor also told me that she would not let him go alone, I had no intention of that anyway, because of the age gap and that she just thinks it is weird and that they have nothing in common. She also said that that this boy has a tendency to stretch the truth, which an older child would catch on too but my 1st grader will not. I told his mother that since I don't really know her ds or her that I was not comfortable with him coming alone. She totally understood and we decided that she will call me back when her and I and the kids can all get together as a group. I think that a 5th grader is too old to be alone with my 1st grader. Am I wrong for thinking that? It would be different if he was a friend of the family and I really knew this kid but I don't. So even after the first meeting I do not think I am going to be comfortable with my ds going to this kids house alone. I mean 5th grade is when boys start to like girls and all that sort of stuff and honestly I don't need some kid telling my child things that I don't think he should know right now.

So am I right to not allow him to go there alone or am I being overprotective? And now I also have to deal with the whole gameboy mess which I was hoping to avoid for a bit longer. Apaprently this child has been given EVERY electronic device known to man. HELP!!!

[Marsupialmom]

I do not think you are overreacting!!

I personally would invite the 5th grader over. Let it be known you are not doing the electronic device thing. Then tread cautiously.

Some 5th graders are years away from liking girls and the "puberty" stuff. They just want to play and be kids. My son is 10. He is starting to do some puberty stuff but he wants to be a kid. We have friends that are your son age that he likes to play with because they will play with his legos, transformers, and Rescue heroes and not be focused on the Game Boy or "big kids" stuff.

This 5th grader could be on the “immature” side and not fit in with his classmates but could be completely normal. It could also be does this 5th grader have any boys to play with? This could be a situation were the 5th grader needs a boy to hang out with and your son is “available”.

[UnschoolnMa]

Well, I can definately understand you're not wanting him to go alone. He is pretty young, and like you said, you aren't very close or familiar with the boy or his family. I don't however see anything wrong with them being friends at all. My kids have been raised to see people as people and not just in an age category. My children are friends with my adult friends, and they do have common interests. I think it is very possible for people many years apart to have a great friendship.

I agree with the previous poster who said to invite the boy over to your home so he can play. That way they can play together, and you can be close to supervise and make sure things go smoothly. Win win situation I think. If electronic devices are an issue for you I would just tell the boy and his mother that such things are not allowed in your home, but that he (the older boy) is welcome to bring board games, building toys, art supplies or the etc. that he might want to share with your son. It could be the start of a neat friendship for both of them.

[MamaBug]

Thanks for your replies. I do agree that they might get along fine, it just scares me the possibility of what could go wrong, kwim? Even if he is here they would be in the playroom where I don't normally stay on top of them. I did talk to my ds and explained to him that I thought this boy might be too old to hang out with and that we thought that he was too young for gameboy right now. He seemed to be ok with it. This boy is an only child so I bet he did just want a friend, and my ds while only in 1st grade is very outgoing and would talk to a 12th grader if he had the opening :LOL The ppl on the block call my ds the Mayor of Munchkin City! :LOL

[poppywise]

hey - i am a ways away from being experienced with this age [my son will start kindergarten next year] but i definitely don't think you are being overprotective. i am pasting part of a post from a different thread [more about adults and kids] but i actually printed it out and hung it on my fridge lest i doubt my instincts on protecting my kiddos...it was posted by 'lovemyboo'...

When I had my son I made him a promise, and I promise my daughter the same thing. I will offend, alienate, and piss off a thousand innocent coaches, teachers, neighbors, strangers, relatives, and friends if it protects you from one predator. I strive not to care if I come off as the whacky, overprotective mom because I won't let you go to people's houses alone until I'm comfortable with them. I struggle to be okay with trying to teach you the fine line between listening to your instincts and being afraid of the world. I try to swallow that lump in my throat that tells me I'm a bad parent when I teach you that it's okay to tell an adult "No!!" and to say it like you mean it! Same thing when I tell you that you don't have to do whatever an adult tells you, that you can ALWAYS check with me or Dad first if you're not sure. I remind myself that that applies to teachers and Grandpa as well as strangers who are easier for me to offend. I promise you to do this the best way I can.

i think you are absolutely right not letting him go over there until you are more familiar. the kid is probably just lonely and maybe insecure with kids his own age, but imagine the kinds of words, etc he'll pick up from someone older! no need to go there too fast, kwim? good luck!

[LunaMom]

I think you need to trust your instincts, but on the other hand, I'm a big fan of forming my own opinion of people. So why not keep the things you heard about this kid in mind, but invite him over, stay close by, intervene if necessary, and have a talk with your son afterwards and find out how he feels about this kid. And know that because this boy is older, your son might want to emulate him to be "cool."

An older child who seeks out younger friends could have a variety of reasons for doing so, and not all of them are bad, and I do think it is good for children to have friends of different ages. But if this boy really likes younger kids because he needs to be in control, then it probably wouldn't be a healthy friendship for your son. I'm sure it'll be easy for you to judge for yourself.

It sure gets complicated when they start choosing their own friends, doesn't it?

[MamaBug]

It gets very complicated. I have only had one dealing with this child. We were over at the neighbors house, she was watching him, and all the kids were sledding down the front lawn. Well my 4 yr old was still in the landing area and this boy just let rip and came barreling down, knocking my ds over. I think at 5th grade he is old enough to know better then to go when someone is standing in the landing area. This upset me very much, especially when he never even said he was sorry or came over to see how my ds was. Even my 6 yr old comes to comfort someone he has hurt. So that one time kind of also colored my thinking on this boy.
I realize it could have been a one time incident and that does not mean this kid is bad but the lack of empathy really upset me. I did have a long talk with my ds and explained to him that I just think this boy is too old for him to hang out with. And your right, he will try to emulate this child because my ds LOVES older kids. And I just don't want to have a 6 yr old who acts like a 5th grader, my poor heart can only stand him growing up so fast!

[Marsupialmom]

Oh I don't think you have been around enough 5th graders.

Also could this lack of empathy be he was scared? After the fact he realized he did wrong and behaved that way because he didn't want to get into trouble?

I have seen good kids do this more than once. Not tell about breaking a window or in our case grandma's toaster oven.

[MamaBug]

I used to teach with a 5th graders and I wanna keep my baby!!! :

I realize that he is probably a nice boy but I just don't see the need for my ds to play with him. And besides this, since that day ds has not asked again for this boy, so I am just going to let it lie

[poppywise]

Originally Posted by MamaBug

I used to teach with a 5th graders and I wanna keep my baby!!! :

i'm backing you all the way on that one. he'll grow up fast enough as it is, IMO. good luck

[MamaBug]

:LOL Don't I know it. For now I am just glad that he still wants to snuggle and actually cares if I get upset if he talks rudely to me. Time just flies by doesn't it?

[LunaMom]

Hey, you changed your name!

It's such a relief when our child brings up something difficult and then never brings it up again, right? Whew!!!

You can't judge any child that quickly, but the behavior of this older boy that you have mentioned so far would make me wonder if he has a hard time understanding what is appropriate in social situations, especially with younger children. Might not be true, but it can't hurt to be cautious.

I worry about the same sorts of things with my DD - it's one of those school bus things! I'm always afraid she'll come home talking about Britney Spears or something...

[MamaBug]

Yup I finally changed it back to the original, and am very happy. The other name just didn't feel right.

I have to agree that I HATE the school bus. There are few phrases that he has learned that I quickly told him were unacceptable and thankfully he has not repeated them. I know this is all a part of growing up, but time marches on so very quickly and they are all grown up. He will be 7 this summer and well........I just HAD him!!!! What the hell happened!!!????