Do highs & lows mean I'm manic? bi-polar? getting better?

[EllasMama]

I've known for most of my life that I have a sort of roller coaster personality. I am emotional, passionate, etc. While my husband plods methodically along, I prefer short, intense bursts of work. I start a lot of different projects with gusto, but don't finish all of them. In the same day I can weep and be overcome with joy. It just feels like I have always had more highs and lows than most people, or less time in the middle if you want to look at it that way. I'm a "spirited" adult and a "highly sensitive person" as well.

It occurred to me recently that my depression is similar. I have had a hard time limiting alcohol and sugar consumption for various reasons, but among them is that I think I'm really addicted to the "high" feeling they bring. I stopped consuming alcohol after New Year's and have limited sugar and junk. I've been exercising some every day. I feel much better health-wise, but now that I'm healthier I'm noticing more clearly my natural highs and lows. I have days or portions of days that are quite exuberant and positive, followed by times of very low energy and an undercurrent of sadness. I think manic behavior is probably more extreme, so is it just that all emotions are heightened in some phases of depression (I've been depressed for over 2 years now)? I wonder if changing my meds would help? I really don't want to change - I want to get OFF the Lexapro this summer and am hoping eventually that a healthy diet and exercise might help me move toward that goal. Or maybe I should just be glad that I get highs along with my lows?!

Any thoughts/suggestions are appreciated. I should clarify that I mostly like my passionate, high & low self and don't want to change who I am at my core. I guess I just wonder if this is typical? I'm used to thinking of depression as just being people feeling low most of the time, which is how I used to feel before I started taking meds.

Thanks and hope this makes some sense!
Carol

[2tadpoles]

Sounds like you could possibly be bipolar. My ex is bipolar and so is my 13yo.

Another thing to think about is possible ADHD. ADHD and bipolar have many similar symptoms, and ADHD is often accompanied by depression.

[Jish]

While some people do rapid cycle with bipolar disorder, it is more typical to have longer cycles rather than hour to hour or day to day. I tend to have lots of ups and downs through the day. I tend to be highly emotional also. I find that I can easily be brought to tears by anything ranging from a tv commercial, a magazine article, a picture -- and the trigger can be a sad or traumatic thing like a sad program, or a happy ending. A Baby Story sends them flowing every time the baby is born. I didn't cry for my own births, but I do for absolutely everyone elses. I also tend to have very motivated times, and others where I lack the motivation to do anything but sit on the couch. I'm not necessarily depressed, I just don't have any get up and go.

Bipolar disorder is treated with different meds than clinical depression and while depression isn't a permanent disorder -- you can have one episode and never have another, bipolar disorder is a life long thing. I would talk to your doctor, but what you have described sounds totally normal to me.

BTW, my dh is also a very mellow and even keeled person. I often look very over emotional compared to him.

[rowantree]

I think its possible to have mood swings without being bipolar. Perhaps your just not feeling the depression anymore. I dont know if Lexapro is an anti depressant or lipke prozac at all, but theose dont help me at all. I feel like if you were bipolar you'd know, but bipolar for me is a way intense state that is indescribable. Ive been in a double blind study for the last 5 months that has kept me pretty even keel for the first time in about 5 years,then I got the placebos and wham! my world just came crashing down - I was manic first for a week and a half, RUNNING around the house cleaning, my chest just vibreating with energy that had no place to go, jumping up and down for the slightest reason, off buying a bunch of stuff I dont need. then a mixed state hit, leaving me irritable and nasty. throwing thing at walls, punching walls, myself - anything to not take it out on my kids. That lasted almost 3 solid weeks at which point I ran out of steam and anger and was left feeling empty, and dead inside. Im considered a rapid cycler, a week being considered a VERY short time to cycle. PLEASE PM if you have any specific questions, I remember when I was first diagnose and I just wanted more than anything for it to not be true. It also can start off slightly noticable and grow if untreated. I would definately talk to your doctor about it.

[Birth Junky]

Just thought I would pitch in my two cents . . .

I am what is considered an ULTRA-rapid-cycler, meaning I go through moodswings from manic to depressed as often as daily. Like you said, I can go from euphoria to a weeping mess and back again.

It sounds like you could be experiencing mild depressions and manic episodes from what you wrote. I do tend to agree with rowantree that if you were bipolar you would KNOW it (dealing with ultra-rapid-cycling is a pretty miserable experience, and hard to mistake for a personality quirk--for me, at least, it became clear pretty quickly that something was WRONG), but none of us can really know exactly what you are experiencing.

One thing you should know is that if you ARE bipolar, Lexapro is a definite no-no. People with BP have to stay away from SSRIs because they have a tendency to make us go into manic episodes.

Obviously, only your doctor can diagnose BP, and only after you have had a nice LONG chat about what has been going on in your head. But if you are diagnosed, remember that you can always find support and encouragement here, or at the bipolar support forums on About.com.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[EllasMama]

Thanks for the feedback and information! It sounds like I'm not bi-polar but may be a little manic. Jish, I can totally relate to crying at TV commercials. I have always been that way, since I was a child. As we might explain it to our kids, I have "really big feelings." My mom used to pat me and say, "you're just sensitive."

I do believe that overall my depression is improving. My highs are getting higher, which I think makes the lows stand out that much more, but I remember that there didn't used to be many highs at all. There were just things that other people seemed to think were positive so I would smile and pretend to think so, as well.

I need to think more about my roller-coaster personality, figure out how I can best work with it. I'm working hard to accept who I am rather than wishing I were more even keeled or otherwise different. Hasn't happened in the last 31 years so it's probably not going to change soon! It's an ongoing process, and I will keep working to understand it all. Sometimes I just wish I could put a label on things (hence wanting to know if I could be manic or bipolar) b/c that makes it feel more understandable, if you know what I mean? For some reason it's so much easier to say and think "I'm depressed" than "I'm not happy and have been having a really rough time." Maybe I am unsure about so many things, I like the sure sound of the label...

At any rate, I appreciate your warm and helpful responses. Thanks!

Peace,
Carol

[mama-mukti]

Read The Thyroid Solution about how thyroid problems can be middiagnosed as bi-polar. That is what happened to me years ago. Now I know it is all hormones, etc. and not just in my head.

[EllasMama]

Thanks for the info about thyroid. It's amazing how little we know about such things (unfortunately).

I'm glad this post was resurrected b/c I wanted to report that my biggest mood swings have subsided. I still have mood swings but they feel much more "normal." I think it was a symptom of me feeling better, after all. I'm so very happy to have these GOOD times. It's been a while. I doubted a million times whether I'd ever really feel good again. It's a totally different kind of good from when I was 18, but good nonetheless. I haven't figured out how to get off my meds yet, but that is okay, I'm going to embrace my newfound enjoyment of life and worry about that later.

s Carol