My son tried sneaking a steak knife to school today - Page 2

[MarineWife]

Well, I don't know if the specifics of how my son was bullied will really help you. I think most children are bullied at least once in their lives, unfortunately. My experience has been that children can be very mean and the adults at school don't really do much about it. They think that it's just boys being boys and it toughens them up or something like that. I just wish I had done more, made more of an issue out of it at the time. I was so concerned with looking like an overprotective or overbearing mother that I didn't complain enough. We eventually moved and he attended a school where he was treated much better. I started homeschooling him in the middle of his 7th grade because of many reasons including the violent influences he was subjected to in the public school.

I agree with the PP that teachers will pay more attention to your child if they know you are paying more attention to the teachers. Volunteering in his class is an excellent idea. Maybe you can volunteer for recess duty and lunch duty and reading to the kids. I would mix it up so you can observe as many different situations as possible and also let everyone know that you will be everywhere.

[Greaseball]

How sad that he's getting picked on! Maybe the knife really does have something to do with that.

I used to carry a pocketknife when I was in grade school. I just thought it was something neat that no one else had; it wasn't meant to be a weapon. I would show it to my friends and then hide it when I got home, because I still knew I wasn't supposed to have it. I also made a collection of sharpened popsicle sticks that I decorated with balloons. I can't imagine what would have happened if I had gone to school in all this zero-tolerance stuff!

So sometimes knives don't mean something disturbing is going on, but in a public school you don't want to get caught with one because it could ruin your life.

[Charles Baudelaire]

Lindsaylou, my first thought was that he brought it as protection. In my district, that's an immediately expellable offense, YES for second grade.

What you said here confirms it: he feels threatened. Imagine if you went into work knowing that TEN PEOPLE would insult you, turn their coffee on your computer printouts, et cetera. I'd start feeling harrassed, frankly, and my response would be to bring it up to the boss, but if I knew that that would be ineffectual, I'd quit.

If I were stuck there and genuinely feared that they would harm me? I'd start carrying a knife too, and I'm not a violent person. I'm just a person that wouldn't like to be a dead person or an assaulted person.

When he came back and said the thing about "maybe that stuff happened" when he was in preschool, I don't buy it. For one, there's a biiiiiiiiig gap during which this new information is added. That suggests to me that he's afraid of what he's told you and is now trying to distance and minimize it. Secondly, he obviously doesn't lie a lot because of the "maybe." He's covering his butt with that word. Thirdly, I'm sure some of these conflicts may have begun in preschool, but are taking effect RIGHT NOW. He's distancing and minimizing, though -- it's not real fights, it's "play fights."

No. No way. For play fights, you bring a play knife.

I am sorry to be negative, but I honestly think that meeting with the principal and behaviorist will do nothing. The stark reality is that schools really can't do a heck of a lot to control bullying and harrassment. It takes place in whispers, in pushes, in moments that *already occur* by the time the teachers REact to it.

Can you pull him out and homeschool him?

I realize this may not be possible, but I speak to you from the depths of my heart: if hsing had been possible in the 70s, I would have done anything in my power to convince my mom to let me stay home. Without going into a long sob story and hijacking the thread for my personal concerns, the harrassment was daily, hourly, minutely. The school was mapped out in my mind as a series of "danger zones," places I was literally not allowed to go, and "safe zones." I was stabbed with a pencil, I had gum put in my hair and rubbed around; my relationships were sabotaged and I was ostracized. I would have given anything to not go.

I wish you and your son well.

Originally Posted by Lindsaylou

He named off about 10 kids in his class who are rude to him. He says when they are in line they call him stupid. He says he just ignores them. He also mentioned the cafateria at lunch time is sometimes a problem. He said one day a bunhc of kids poured their milk on his tray and ruined his lunch.

We told him we would do whatever it took to help make this all better. An hour later he said, something to the effect of "Well, maybe that stuff happened a long time ago when i was in pre-school." Stupid was a common word used by the kids in his pre-school.

He said all the kids he listed are ones he play fights with, and they aren't really being mean.

I don't know what to think. I think maybe *I* should observe his class and see what is going on. Although, if his teacher knew I was watching....who knows if I would get an accurate picture. I like his teacher in a lot of ways, and not so much in other ways. Jackson told me that he takes away recess, snack, and or free choice time, as punishements

I so wish we could afford montessori school

I think I will make an appointement with the principle. I like her pretty well. I'll ask that the school behaviorist be there too. I like her a lot.

Thanks everyone

[Camellia]

CB - I had the same experiences in school as you. I will be doing whatever it takes for my son not to feel this way. He's actually in Kindergarten, not 2nd grade. Preschool was only 6 months ago.

It may not solve the problem to meet with the principle and behaviorist. My goal with them is to let them know I mean business. I will come to school and accompany him all day if I feel I need to. I want the staff and the children to know that Jackson is not to be messed with. I'm not talking about threatening little kids of course. I do want them to know that I could pop in at any time.

I have some background in education and nearly a Bachelors in human development. I feel very confident "working" in his school and talking with the children.

Along with my time in his school, Jackson and I are going to be hanging out a lot more at home too. We will be talking a lot more than we were. That damn TV really did a number on our communication over that last 3 weeks. It is gone now, and Jackson hasn't even said he misses it.

I truly appreciate all of your responses. They have helped me so much. If it comes to it, I can homeschool him. I am a student myself, but I only take two classes per term. I can and will do it if its the only thing that will keep my child safe.

Thanks again everyone,

[Greaseball]

T
I've talked with the Montessori school here and they did say they offer tuition assistance. You might ask them about it.

Although, it won't necessarily be the magic answer. I've heard of bullies in alternative schools too. But maybe in a smaller classroom teachers would notice it more and tolerate it less.

[Camellia]

Thanks Corina. We have thought about Montessori. Its definately something we're open to.

I may try homeschooling him one day a week so I have more time with him. Right now my main focus is to get him talking to me openly.

[beccaboo]

Thinking of you, Lindsaylou. Any updates?

[Camellia]

Originally Posted by beccaboo

Thinking of you, Lindsaylou. Any updates?

Thanks beccaboo. Everything is fine now. It turned out there was one boy who was bullying him a little. Nothing terribly serious. I talked to the principal, the behaviorist, and his teacher. The boy ended up leaving the school (not sure why). I did call the boys mother too, but she didn't return my call.

I appreciate everyones thoughts on the situation! He stuck to his story that the knife was for sharpening pencils. I think it might have gone deaper than that, but its hard to say.

He really likes his school. We are sure to ask for details about his day goes. We hope that if anything happens again at school we hear about it before it becomes an issue.