At what age will they go to bed on their own?

[Karry]

My DD who is 5.5 yrs old has been high needs since birth. She still either needs someone to lay down with her at night or will fall asleep watching a video. She will also sometimes fall asleep while being read to.

We have asked her to lay down in her bed at night when she feels tired, and she refuses unless either her father or I lay down with her. She says she needs someone with her.

I'm not opposed to laying down with her, but was just wondering how much longer she will need for us to do this? Bedtime is sometimes stressful trying to get all three kids down, and I figured by the time she was 5 she would be able to go to bed on her own.

[Losgann]

I don't have any answers for you, just wanted to lend you some support.

For the record, my son was 7 and a few months before he was comfortable going off to sleep on his own. My daughter is now 4 1/2 and still needs mama at night to sleep. Or, more specifically, mama's hair. Ethan sleeps in his bed more often than not anymore with just a bedtime story, a tuck in and a good night kiss. He just turned 8 yesterday. Willow still is in the in between stage of sleeping in her own bed and cosleeping with me, so it's a back and forth thing..

I figured I did it for 7 years with the oldest one, what's 3 more years with the youngest? It does grate a bit sometimes though. Why doesn't she ever want daddy?

[SagMom]

Depends on the child. I sat with my oldest until he was probably...9. He fell asleep quickly, but liked the company in the room. When my dd was about 4 I came into her room to say goodnight and sit with her and she said, "Goodnight. You can leave now." And that was that for her. My youngest is 4. Since he's still nursing to sleep, I sort of have to be there. Like everything else, they're all different.

[LunaMom]

It really depends on the child and the family and what works for everyone.

Please don't hate me, but my daughter has been going to bed on her own since she was a baby. She was about 8 months and always fell asleep at the breast around 9:00 or so, and I'd put her in her crib - we didn't co-sleep, obviously. One night she finished nursing and was wide awake, and looked at me as if to say, "What next, Mommy???" I had no idea, but I knew I was ready for bed, so I figured what the heck, put her in the crib, kissed and hugged her a few times, said good night and walked out, figuring she'd probably cry and I'd have to think of another plan! But she didn't - she babbled for ten minutes and when it got quiet I checked and she was asleep.

Okay, please, don't hate me... :

The point is, if your child has been used to having you "parent her to sleep," then it won't be easy to get her to stop. If you don't mind doing it, then don't worry - I don't think it's wrong for a child to need help with sleep. But if it is no longer working for you or you feel resentful, you could try gradually "weaning" her off the need, perhaps by sitting in the room but not talking or rubbing her back or whatever, then perhaps by sitting in the doorway, then just in the hall, or by giving her something of yours to take to bed - a friend of mine has a five-year-old daughter who is attached to her mom's black bra, I swear, it is so funny and it really embarrasses the mom when people find out and hear her say "I need my black bra, Mommy!" (sorry, had to tell that story!). You have to see what works, and make sure she understands that she is not "losing" you.

Good luck - I'm sorry that this may not have been very helpful...

[Linda KS]

My six year old usually, but not always, goes to sleep on her own. We have a very solid bedtime routine and I highly recommend one (if you don't already have one). After it is all done, she lays in bed and looks at books for 15-20 minutes, and then I go back and turn off her light and kiss her one more time. Some times she falls asleep while looking at books, sometimes within 10-15 minutes after lights out, and sometimes not until later or in bed with me or me laying in bed with her.

I personally think that 5 is old enough to lay in bed and look at books. I also don't have a problem telling my DD "no, I'm not going to lay with you right now."

[woobysma]

My oldest was doing it alone at about 4 (actually had a time when he was about one and a half when he would do it and then we moved into a new place and he stopped ) - a bedtime routine is crucial, IMO, to get to that point.

[Karry]

Thanks for all of the support. It is good to know that mine is not the only one at 5 who still needs help to get her to sleep. I'm going to try and see if after reading a few books with her, if she'll lay in bed and look at books by herself for 10 or 15 minutes. I will try this tonight and we'll see how it goes.

[Linda KS]

It may take several nights before this is something she looks forward to.

This is a tough parenting point for me because I don't want my DD to be feeling sad, and yet I feel that she needs to be working toward independence in this area. My DD was also a very high need baby. We've moved several times and she always regresses in this area when we move. By the time bedtime rolls around I'm really tired, and no longer at my parenting best. It is getting better here though!

[fishy]

i was just wondering this same thing. my ds is 4 and i have been talking to him about other options... the other night i told him about how his cousins lay in bed with a book and read to fall asleep. he said he didnt want to try it yet...

it is really important to him to have me for that 10 minutes or so to fall asleep... so im not in too much of a hurry

but i think that talking about it first, to ease into the transition, can help a lot. that way, they can process the idea b4 you actually try it.

[callmemama]

LOL, when ds was 4, he was still nursing at bedtime! Now that he's 5 (and self-weaning), he'll skip several days between nursings, but still prefers me to lay down with him. His bedtime is late enough that I'm usually ready to sleep (we co-sleep) so this isn't a problem for me. If dh and I have a "date" planned, sometimes I will hug ds and tuck him in and tell him I'm going to go visit with daddy before I come to bed. This is a fairly recent thing and for the most part, he's ok with it.

[annethcz]

Depends on the child. My oldest has been going to bed on his own since he was a toddler. My 3 yr. old is another story. She needs to be parented to sleep, and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.

It's amazing what a difference personality makes.

[Karry]

Well, last night I read a book with her then I told her she could read to herself for a little while. About 15 minutes later she came out of her room and asked for me to lay down with her. She told me she'll need someone with her until she is 6. I guess she is still not ready to do this on her own jsut yet. My three year old went to bed all by himself last night, so it really does depend on the child and their personality.

[Ragana]

Another thing that helped us is story tapes (with the lights off). My 5 yr. old daughter needs them to fall asleep. We read with her and then put on a tape. A lot of times she goes through a couple before actually falling asleep. She still asks for "someone real" (i.e., not a doll or stuffed animal) to be with her until she falls asleep (and we do it) sometimes. Our 19 mos. old fell asleep by herself for a short while as a baby, but now it's the same thing with her, too.

[SeekingSimplicity]

I agree that it depends on the child. My daughter was three when I stopped lying down with her until she went to sleep.

Also, as Linda stated, a bedtime routine is key.