I agree that children should be children as long as possible. It is so difficult to fight the culture of casual sex... and we all live in fear of an experience for our children like the betrayed mom with HPV. My heart goes out to her, she sounds like such a great mom. I'm glad she is using her experience in such a positive way and I appreciate the sharing. I'm afraid sometimes that kids don't realize that they need a lot of time to figure out if a new bf or gf is honest in general so sex must wait until then. How sad the consequences are so devastating. I'm too old to even understand encouraging oral sex...I mean that, I'm an older mom and whew... The friends with benefits, casual stuff hurts my heart and has me scared to death for those kids. THAT kind of sex is truly difficult to picture our kids involved in...and it does happen with all kinds of kids.
Perhaps I would have to admit that having my daughter in a STD safe, monogamous relationship with a truly loving partner is less "accepted" by me as what I would want her to do but is more a point of relief that, if she is going to be sexually active, she is with this boy who truly is a fine, decent person. They talk marriage, they talk future, their relationship is not based on sex but who really knows what the future holds when you are so young. For now, they truly belong to each other and that is what I focus on I guess. My daughter is as safe as a sexually active human being can be in this world today.
As for activities for the younger teens that mom suggested, I say my goodness, what a great bonding experience.... hang the prevent sex aspect.... the positives of that will last a lifetime. Can I come, too? Seriously,however, this would provide prevention of opportunity especially for younger teens but I hope that moms realize that there may come a time when a child believes they are truly in love and will make that step without using parents as a resource. Hopefully all those good words we have been whispering in their ears for years can have an impact. My daughter was a classical musician in two orchestras, two chamber groups, played in shows, went to a performing arts high school where she was an honor student.... she was busy and not "looking for love" .... it found her. Where there is a will, there is a way and, in all honesty, wouldn't we want our dd or ds to experience a truly loving relationship rather than casual sex..... if our most treasured choice "abstinence" for them (was it that way for us?
) is not going to happen? I do appreciate that my dd's "first time" was in a shared loving experience which continues to grow to this day. I have asked her, if they were to break up, would there be regret about not waiting. Her emphatic answer was NO!, she said she has learned so much about being in a relationship, loving someone, compromising, how to be a better person, and lastly making love from being with him that she would not trade that experience for anything. We will see, but for now, I consider myself lucky that this is what I have to deal with.
Like it says in Fiddler on the Roof, "but look at my daughter's eyes, she loves him...." tradition!!!