I would absolutely provide access to condoms- like a drawer full in the bathroom- because they guard against stds as well as pregnancy. Also, most drugstores and markets have them right in front of the cashier or pharmacy personnel, so people won't steal them, but this can make them mighty hard to buy for a shy teenager. Regardless of my feelings about whether the sex is appropriate, if it's going to happen, it's more important that it be as safe as possible. Things are less likely to go too far if it's in the house too- by "too far" I mean beyond what one partner or the other wishes. I don't know whether I'd let my daughter have a boyfriend sleep in her room. Perhaps if it was a boyfriend and not a casual date, kwim? They'll only creep about the house at night if you don't let them, or find somewhere less safe to be alone, and I don't care for that idea. By this I am referring to older children, and mature, 16-17 at the earliest depending on the child. And then I might have the guest sleep in a separate room, just for respect's sake, even though we'll all know full well there might be three am visits. I have no problem with mature teens exploring sex in a safe and happy way but there are things, like spending the night, that belong to the young adults and grown-ups so that's what I mean by respect. Once a child is in college I would expect they could have their friends spend the night, but a "one-night-stand" type thing- well I don't really want to be introduced to someone at the coffeemaker as s/he emerges from my daughter's bedroom, either.
My mother had spectacularly bad judgement when it came to my friends and boyfriends- the one she thought was so sweet and "wouldn't pressure you sexually" was the biggest pushy perv (he is still a good friend today
). One time a friend was going to spend the night and I just assumed he could sleep in the other bed in my room, and she was shocked. Meanwhile, there was no chance in hell of anything going on- mutual repulsion- so it was silly. We would have stayed up late chatting as though we were the same gender. When I lived with a guy for a year our mothers were all scandalized and crushed- neither realizing he's gay and even though we shared a bedroom their concern was, shall we say, misplaced. The point is parents, however savvy they think they are and however riotous the youth they enjoyed themselves, often don't have a clue as to what's what with their kids. I hope to take each situation as it comes with an open mind without being too laissez-faire.