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Can you be AP and CIO? - Page 8

post #141 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar
I think it's interesting how so many people post here about babies who prefer to CIO, who *have* to be alone and cying to fall asleep... and yet during most of human history, this would be a suicidal act for an infant. Rather than believeing that your baby is the exception to eons, it makes more sense to believe that there is an attached way to meet his needs, one that doesn't involve letting him cry alone.

If a baby doesn't want to be touched, don't touch him. Lay him down on the futon next to you (I think having a futon on the floor is a great help for many babies) and *be* with him.

When Rain was a baby I had a childproof bedroom with a futon on the floor, and I would take my shirt off and crash out and doze while she crawled around, explored, nursed, and finally slept. I'd come fully awake if she cried, but generally it worked.

There are certain kinds of touches that feel better to most people with touch issues. Swaddling can be good. Firm, pressure-type touches are better than light, fluttery touches.

Abandoning a baby to cry alone in the dark is damaging. Cortisol levels in the blood go up. The baby's body tells him he's in danger. It's biologically unhealthy (and FWIW, babies crying in arms have totoally different blood chem than babies crying alone). A baby doesn't know you're coming back, all he knows is that he's been abandoned.

Dar, who first argued about this online on the misc.kids newsgroup in 1995...
That's very well said. My ds has SID (didn't know it when he was a baby, just thought he was high needs) and there were times where he would get overwhelmed and very fussy. I never once thought "he wants to be left alone to fuss" and he DIDN'T. We would lay together in a quiet place until he calmed down, softly sing together, rock and nurse together, even putting him in his carseat and going for a drive ... there were lots of options that helped him. Sure, I'm sure leaving him alone in his crib *might* have worked ... but what would that have told him? I wanted him to know that I was there for him to help him calm down when he was unable to.

So I agree that leaving a baby to cry is never AP and there are other options, even for special needs babies. I doubt any baby wants to be left alone to "get over" it, even SID babies can be "helped" through their issues, which is what AP is all about.
post #142 of 148
Dar Very well said!
post #143 of 148

yes you can

I think it depends on the situation and the age of the child and how it is done.Letting a 6 months old cry for 2 min is something different than waiting for the baby to throw up!
post #144 of 148
Crying for 2 minutes is not cyring it out, unless your baby never cries for more than 2 minutes before falling asleep or giving up.
post #145 of 148
I'm not sure I understand the direction this conversation is going... Are you saying that if a baby only needs to cry for two minutes it's not crying it out? Or if they cry for two minutes and you go get them it isn't crying it out, but if they cry for two minutes and you don't get them it is crying it out?
post #146 of 148
Just joining...I must confess I only read the first three pages but I will read the rest...I really will...I read one page a day.

I'm also surprised this is even a question. I see no-CIO as one of the most important parts of AP. You respond to your baby's needs, no matter what. It seems odd that so many babies apparently "need" to be left alone to scream in their cribs with no one to comfort them. I'm also suspicious of those parents who "know" their baby is just doing it to manipulate them. Exactly how do you know? When it happens half an hour after eating, is it manipulation? Is it manipulation when the baby is over a year old? Over 6 months old? Are there manipulative 4- and 5-month-olds? Is it a legitimate need when it's at 9 pm, and then does it become manipulation at midnight?

For a while, my youngest was waking up and eating every hour. She did this because she was hungry. I posted in desperation about wanting to do CIO for 10 minutes at a time, and other members let me know it would be wrong. Now I know that I knew it too; I just needed them to get me back on track. It would have been wrong. And now she's 8 months old and only up every 3 hours or so, so it is getting better.

My 3-year-old wakes at night when she hears a loud noise. She cries and NEEDS to be held and comforted.

Parenting is not supposed to be convenient, and AP is not supposed to offer some huge payoff for the parents. It's just good common sense - go to a baby when she cries. Give her what she needs. Do it again and again.
post #147 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7
Well, her dd is firmly attached to her blankie, her thumb and wanted nothing to do w/ her brother when he was born when she was only 20 months old. She is a very withdrawn child from what I've seen.

Sus
Haven't had time to read all the responses.... just thought I'd mention that my dd is very attached to her blankie and her thumb.... and we cosleep and we are still bf'ing at 29 months! We have never used CIO and we are very attached. I guess I'm just warning about the cause-and-effect association assumed here.
post #148 of 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greaseball
Parenting is not supposed to be convenient, and AP is not supposed to offer some huge payoff for the parents. It's just good common sense - go to a baby when she cries. Give her what she needs. Do it again and again.
amen, amen, amen (except I think AP has given me a big reward - I get to really know my children as people because I respect them as people, always have)
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