What happened/worked for you after the baby showed up?

[lizzie]

Another mom mentioned that she had had some fears surrounding the postpartum period, but that she didn't research or plan as much as she wanted to because she knew her midwife would be there, and then things didn't go as she would have wanted them to. (I'm sorry I don't remember who you were! )

But I was hoping some of you who have been there would be willing to share how things went after the birth, because I feel like that is the time I am least prepared for. So... what, good or bad, took you by surprise? What do you wish you had done differently or prepared for better? What advice would you give to a first-timer?

TIA to anyone who wants to respond!
lizzie

[laurata]

First UC:
I wish my dh had been better prepared- that he'd been on the ball getting towels/ blankets and a hat for the baby. Also that we'd talked about mec, which was a fear of his that I wasn't aware of. (We transported when dd was about 1/2 hr old).

The birth was intense, but went beautifully, other than the postpartum transport.

Second UC:
I can't think of anything I might have done differently or better, except maybe to make it easier/ more obvious for my dh on how to pamper me. I was extremely wiped out after this birth (needed help to go less than 10 ft to the bathroom) and it was annoying to me that it was such a struggle to get food and water brought to me. I wanted to be *mothered,* but my dh didn't really know how to do that.

[amyjeans]

Oh Lizzie! I was so ready for the labor and birth but was completely thrown by the postpardum period. (check out my birthstory!)
I was severely anemic, and yellow- but apparently this was a problem beforehand- just went undiagnosed.
But, afterwards, I made a few mental notes:

1-Anticipate it! to start.
After the placenta was delivered, I swear I was having another baby!
Now I am not saying this was painful by any means, but I was just not prepared for it.
My intellectual part of my brain said, "Hey, the baby is here, so we're all done."
My subconsious said,"uh, nope... we've got to get you back to the way you were before the baby, and fast!"

With my first born, I had drugs. Lots of happy drugs to mask the process.
My 2nd baby, nothing.

2- keep warm. Snuggle with your new babe and nurse a lot. The nursing well expedite the process.
3- plan on doing nothing if you can help it. Just lay down with your baby, enjoy him or her. Rest when possible.
4-Physically, you are still laboring, so treat it as such. Work through it like you did during the beginning, with whatever techniques you used. Just remember that ( unless otherwise) you probably are not giving birth again that day.
5- plan to drink a lot of fluids, and eat. You still need your energy and calories, because now you are nursing.
6-Have dh/p give your frequent massages

I am sure lots of people here will give you some awesome advice. Hey, this is where I got my help, too!
Warm Regards!

[lizzie]

Actually, I already did check out your birthstory, Amyjean! That was one of the things that got me thinking! Thanks for the advice!
lizzie

[cottonwood]

As with the birth, just do what feels right!

The afterpains, ugh. They've gotten worse each time. The main thing to know is that it doesn't mean that something's wrong, it's just the uterus contracting hard to get back to where it's suppose to be. For me it wasn't as hard as labor, but some people say it's worse. This last time they went on for several days, gradually getting less painful. I can't off the top of my head remember what tincture is good for that -- is it motherwort? -- but I didn't take anything, I prefer to suffer stoically. :LOL Just kidding, I just instinctively felt it best to leave it alone, although I did take a tylenol here and there, half dosage, and that helped. Massaging my uterus also helped.

Meconium! Oh gosh, what a mess that can make. It's black, tar-ish, and very sticky. There's one birth on the CBirth video where right after the birth meconium is just everywhere. My babies have never passed it until at least 15-20 minutes after the birth, so we had time to get diapers under the baby to catch it. Olive oil is great for using as a barrier between the baby's skin and the meconium, so that it washes off easily. (Just wipe some on baby's butt with each diaper change.) Sweet almond oil is good too.

Some people like to use a bulb syringe to suction out the baby's nose, but I feel that this is invasive, unpleasant, and unnecessary, and can actually interfere with the baby's breathing reflex, so we didn't even have one on hand. (It is good though for when baby has a cold and gunk is accumulating in the nose, making it hard to breathe.)

[Quickening]

That would be me "midwife will be there so lets just leave it up to her"



What took me by surprise was the sudden disappearance of my connection with my instincts and knowledge of what to do with my first HB (midwife assisted). The second she was there behind me, taking MY baby, that connection went poof!All I had to rely on was my steadyfast confidence that everything was okay even though the m/w was panicking, I felt it was unneccessary for her to do so.

That is what I am looking forward to with this 2nd birth (UC of course!), not being distracted, not losing that connection, being able to do what *I* felt was the right thing to do, not what someone else felt.

All the things that did not go well after my birth, all had to do with me going against my instincts. Big mistake : ) I doubt that'd happen with an UC though, or anyone doing an UC unless they have fears that they listen to instead of instinct.

[DancerMom]

I really underestimated the amount of help I would want immediately post partum. Because everything happened so quickly, and a little earlier than we expected, we were not really as prepared with towels and such as I would have liked. So blood and fluid was EVERYWHERE (which I didn't totally realize until reading a friend's account of being there after--thank goodness for hardwood floors!). Also because it happened so quickly, two friends who had been sent to the store for supplies got back after the baby was born. I didn't want anyone there during the labor and birth, but found myself really glad they were there after. They cleaned up everything. One friend even washed blood off my feet. The other friend at one point was holding my placenta between my legs while I tried to pee.

I was so grateful that my husband and I did not have to clean up. I guess because the midwife handled it the first time (and there was very little blood) I didn't think about it. I was very nonchalant about those kinds of details this time.

As for the days and weeks following the birth, I highly recommend a take-charge friend to organize meals and help. My friend went "a little Martha Stewart," as she put it, but she had a calendar and scheduled people to bring me meals three times a week for a month and then twice a week for another two weeks. Plus designating a person for house help and a person for errands every week for six weeks. It's so hard to ask for help sometimes and having her to do it for me was such a blessing!

[lizzie]

Thank you Blue Violet... Meconium never even crossed my mind! I guess I was just thinking 'meconium = stressed baby' and I wouldn't have to worry about that! But I guess it has to come out sooner or later!

And Quickening, you didn't have to admit to anything! I think those are the same things that made me angry after my first two babies.. realizing afterwards that someone just usurped all of my authority and wisdom. I'd waited 24 years (I don't think I wanted my own baby until I was at least 2 .. ) and then, after finally giving birth and just being ecstatic about that, I felt like I had to ask permission to hold or nurse or LOVE my child. What a pack of hooey!

And DancerMom, the take charge best friend idea is great.. I should have thought of that for the hospital births, let alone the one I hope to have at home. I'm LOUSY at asking for help, or even knowing what to ask sometimes. and as long as someone else is doing it, I enjoy the odd dash of Martha-ness!

Thanks for your responses!
lizzie

[amyjeans]

oh Lizzie one more thing-
Lots of Hydrogen Peroxide!
That stuff works wonders!!!!
:LOL

[sprinkle pocket]

wow! lots of wisdom here...thanks mamas!

i was at a friend's mw-assisted birth and was 'meconiumed' right after the babe came out (i was right down there). for everyone telling me it wouldn't come out of my clothes, only a couple washes with bio-kleen and line drying and it was gone.

[AngelBee]

: Tons of mama wisdom to take in

[cottonwood]

Something that surprised me was the shaking. I don't really remember doing it with my other births, but with this last birth I started shaking violently in third stage (or was it after? I can't even remember.) I felt like it was okay -- I really wasn't freaked out by it at all -- it felt like my body was taking care of things just fine. It was just something I wasn't expecting.

[Happyucmama]

I had some weird membraines left over that my body was trying to get out and the afterpains really hurt! I was really focused on delivering the placenta and kind of weird about it. Nervous I guess. I would have spend more imediate time with my tiny instead of worrying about the placenta so much. Next time....
I also called the family too quickly, I was so proud. Once again I 'll take more tiny time!

[Thmom]

get a large rubbermaid tote
2 wks before edd have 6-10 towels clean and put away in the tote so they will not get used, you don't want to find yourself suddenly in labor with only one clean towel.
Do the same for about 10 wash cloths, 5-10 recieving blankets and 2-3 newborn hats
add 5-10 chux pads
whatever you intend to use to tie and cut the cord
your placenta bowl
ziploc bag to store your placenta in
candles if you plan to have them
bulb syringe
anything else you think you'll need for the birth. This allows dh to grab the tote and bring it to where ever you've decided you're going to birth. Setting it all up in one room, won't necessarily work. Of my 3 UC's none of them have happened in the room I expected to be in.

Get a basket to put next to your bed, in it have a small mat to use as a changing pad (want to protect those sheets) 6-10 diapers, wipes and olive oil. Also have a small trash can next to the bed for diapers (you can even use it if you're using cloth, just get a second can for actual trash) 2 sleepers, and 2 hats have dh refill it each night before bed.

Start now making freezer meals. If people bring food great! If not make sure that when you freeze them they are labeled with what they are, how to reheat and what to serve them with. Make sure that you have things too for lunches and breakfasts that your dh can handle making. Minimum is enough for 2wks. but I like to plan for 6.

Buy a couple cases of water bottles, this makes it easy to keep track of how much water you're drinking and you don't have to worry about spilling while you're in bed and it's a little easier on dh (he doesn't have to worry about dishes)

Get a bed tray. You will likely be eating with one hand, much easier to do if you have a tray to put your plate on.

Clean off your night stand as much as possible. It will quickly get filled up with other paraphanlia soon after the birth

in a small tote or basket in the bathroom have any herbs you plan to use post partum and your peri-bottle, pads, witch hazel and a hand mirror (I like to look soon after birth to make sure everything is still in tact) keep everything together and in one place, makes it easier for someone else to help if needed.

In another small tote get a few trash bags, several rags that are okay to be thrown away (your dh will likely not think about washing them lol) peroxide, bac-out and a bottle of whatever you use as a general household cleaner. If it's all together it'll be easier for dh to get the clean up done. He can stuff one trash bag with laundry and one with trash remind him to check the walls when he's cleaning up. (it's amazing how things splatter lol) and he needs to check everywhere you were laboring at to be sure there's no fluids left behind. Have him rinse the laundry on cold first, then a full cycle wash with a big squirt of bac out and then on hot with an extra rinse. I like to dry mine on hot too just to be sure there's nothing left "alive" lol

and finally in another tote have some things you can do in bed, books, knitting etc... as lovely as babies are you do get board after a bit. Of course maybe I'm the only one who secludes herself to bed for a week, but I think it's important for full healing to stay in bed and rest as much as possible for the immediate post partum period. So I try to have a basket of things I can do in bed during that week.

another handy thing to have is an intercom or walkie talkie. Maybe it's just because we have kids so dh can't possibly spend all of his time with me, but it's helpful to be able to call him when I need something. We have a phone system that allows intercom usage. Many cordless phones do so check yours. It was pretty easy for dh to just keep the phone with him and I could call him when I needed him.

Lastly... don't stress about it. Anything you've forgotten either won't really matter or it will get worked out.

[rajahkat]

Thmom,

You are great!! I have never allowed myself to just veg in bed. I think that's why I got sick after #2. Spiked a fever, had an awful herpes outbreak, just wanted to die. If I had been more careful with myself and allowed myself to rest I don't think it would have happened. But the birth was so easy, I just went right back to normal life, which means ALL the dishes, ALL the laundry, ALL the meals.

I'm just not doing it this time! (can you hear me putting my foot down? LOL) Dh is great, but he's scatterbrained, and if I don't ask (and make a list).....and tape it to his forhead it ain't happening.

So, you've inspired me, your ideas with the totes and baskets are great Thanks!

Kat- 28 weeks and planning UC #3

[Thmom]

Kat, my dh is the same way. His heart is in the right place, he really wants to be helpful and he loves on me immensly. He has no problem with my being in bed for months if I felt I needed it. But he's clueless. He just doesn't see the laundry piling up, or think about serving a vegatable with dinner. But if I lay it all out for him he'll do it without complaint. It might help to have a "chore" chart. Like a list of what days you usually do laundry, clean the bathroom etc... In the laundry room label the washer with masking tape, put arrows on where he should turn the knob for colors, for whites etc... same with the dryer.
I've found that if I make it easy to help, dh and friends are more than willing to help.
Good luck!

[yvonnemlv]

Yeah.. I find my husband isn't bugged by anything but the dirt on the floor, really (cuz it sticks to his feet ). So one helpful thing I got outta FlyLady is the Control Journal, which is just a little book with each room listed and things to be done in them. So when I need help, I can just say, go to the Control Journal please and choose an item or 3 from *___* room, oh and please un/load the dishwasher. ANd he does so usually happily (unless he's tired). But in general, he won't look at it on his own :P Although occasionally he has surprised me by doing it.

I am KIND of hoping to have enough money saved up for basic cleaning service once or twice a week after baby is here to help out.. that would be cool. Maybe a waste of money since we could do it ourselves, but pampering is good for the soul and it gives someone some money.

[shell024]

For my next (2nd) UC (who knows when!)...here is what I will do differently:

Set up the kiddie pool (properly this time, and not from the kitchen sink!)

Freeze MORE meals, and more variety (I had chili, lasagna swirls, burritoes, turkey soup, and...I dont remember if there was anything else...but I will add waaay more burritoes, quesadillas, add lentil soup, lots of already grilled chicken, and some other stuff). I might have to make sure we have a standing chest freezer before I get pregnant again!

Make sure the shower curtain is ON the bed before you go and lay on it--clean sheets and all!!!! (anywhere you are...have a shower curtain under you with towels on top! You'll be grateful!)

Arrange/Designate a laundry person, a dishes person, emotional support person, and a FOOD person Hopefully your DH can fullfill some of these .

I second the making LISTS ahead of time. How your washer/dryer works, how you wash certain things...whatever (dont make it too complicated!).

I will make a list of things I would like DP to do specifically, but I will have someone ELSE this time to pamper me...because like some other posters, my DP is clueless. He is well intended and would drop most things to do anything I request...but can't figure out (no matter how obvious!) what I need.

Really really really really really REALLY make sure that I have a support system this time and work on the POSITIVE things instead of the negative and having ppd.

Have things all set up (I procrastinated...as I usually do! : ), such as the whole diapering/potty station (will EC from birth this time), laundry system, clean towels (buy 5 more than you think you need!), more pillows, cloth pads & other mama stuff (nursing pads, peri bottle, bath basin, a MIRROR AND FLASHLIGHT to check...down there...)

Basically plan ahead and arrange help for 2 WEEKS, even if I "feel" better before then...I WILL rest longer, because my too-soon activities last time around that I tried so hard to avoid, delayed my recovery and I'm STILL recovering up till now (almost 5 mos pp).

Oh...and since I will have another babe this time, arrange for care for ds1... My goodness all that sounds crazy...maybe I'll hold off a bit longer before the next one!

Forgot to add: Set up my candles and PLEASANT birthing area/lighting/sheets/water/music/whatever.... the boring quiet house in the middle of the night sucked, as did the lame morning lazy atmosphere and gross bathroom setting! (I wasn't motivated to clean right before the birth).

[lizzie]

Wow... I so surprised to see this thread still going! But how wonderful. It's all brilliant stuff I'll be able to use! Hope it keeps going ....

FourLittleBirds, I had the shaking thing with my first, but I had forgotten it! :
lizzie

[cottonwood]

It's good to see you still here, Lizzie!

I too would advise a first-timer not to just assume that your husband (or support person, whoever that is) will just know how to take care of you. My husband, for all his wonderfulness , just isn't an instinctively nurturing person, nor is he on top of how to keep the household running the way I want. He doesn't have a clue. So it was helpful for me to say, "Look, I need you to think of things before I have to ask, because it grates to have to be the one responsible for delegating tasks when I just need to mentally relax. I need to feel like things are taken care of. Feed the kids good food regularly. Make clear to them that if they need something, they are to come to you. If they're making a lot of noise, please redirect them or take them elsewhere. Realize that I will *have* to nap often during the day in the beginning. Keep the laundry done and put away. Keep the floor swept. Check on me every so often to see if there is something I need (walkie-talkies, or a nursery monitor, or pager are a good idea!) These are the sorts of things I'm going to want to wear so keep them clean and at the ready." Etc.

I'd also think about a babymoon, in other words a period of time in which to slowly and quietly adjust to being a mother to a newborn (even if it is the second or third or umpteenth time) without having to deal with receiving guests. Sometimes the energy of others, especially if they aren't intimately involved with the process and not intuitive and respectful of what you need, is just too much, because the mother is in such an open (for the purposes of bonding) and therefore vulnerable place after birth. What would normally not be a bother at all becomes unbearable. I'd talk to people beforehand and make sure they understand it isn't about them at all, but rather about you wanting to interfere with the hormonal process of the "fourth trimester" as little as possible. Sometimes especially women don't get this, because they never got to experience it themselves. They literally have no idea what a natural postpartum is like and why it is important.

This last time was so wonderful -- we were able to put off visitors for several days, and then they trickled in only slowly, stayed only briefly, and did not ask to hold the baby. I guess by the fourth birth they were used to me "odd" ways. One thing that some people do that I think is a great idea is to post a set of "rules" on the door. "Hello, we have just had a birth and are in recovery. Please do not knock unless we know you and you are expected. If you are sick, please put off visiting for another time. First thing please wash your hands and keep them clean. Please do not ask to hold the baby, if mom feels ready, she will offer." Etc.

Also, if I were to do it again, I'd ingest part of the raw placenta.