I'm dreading post-partum.
I mean, of course I'll be delighted to meet my baby, to stop barfing, to reach the sink without squishing my belly, etc, but last time pp was sooo hard.
I have a chronic illness with the unfortunate name Chronic Fatigue Syndrome(CFS) or Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome(CFIDS). It appears to be at least partly auto-immune; it goes into remission while I'm pregnant. When I was pregnant with ds, I was so sick barfing for a long time that I didn't notice the remission right away. Then I thought maybe I'd just finally gotten better. But as soon as he was born, I relapsed, hard. Partly because a defining characteristic of CFIDS is excercise intolerance and what's labor but serious excercise? and partly because I didn't really believe my lovely remission had gone away and so I kept pushing it. At least I'm warned this time.
It's hard right now, because I'm alternating between nesting energy and desires and that sleepy hibernating I'm-growing-a-baby feeling right now, and there's sooooo much to do and I keep thinking, well, it'll be easier to do that in a month or so, when the baby's born, things are settled, I'm not lumbering around.
But the truth is, I can get a lot more done now that I can when the CFIDS comes back. Pregnant, I can walk to the store and back (4 blocks each way) with ds, and it's fine. Not-pregnant, I can manage maybe half that, without groceries, and not do much else that day. It's hard to remember what kind of limitations are looming after 9 months of having them held at bay, at least somewhat.
So now, this last, slow, cumbersome week or two or three, is actually my last gasp of having a body that kind of works. But I just want to sleep.
And yeah, I have help - I'm "disabled" enough to have real difficulty being a full time anything, including mother. My mom and dad are my helpers - they help with childcare, and housecare, and house renovating. But I'm still dreading the loss of this lovely, lovely interlude of remission. Especially since the constant barfing ended a couple months ago.
Anyway - this post is more like a journal entry than anything else. I just don't feel like whining to anyone in person, you know? Thanks for reading...
- Sofia
I mean, of course I'll be delighted to meet my baby, to stop barfing, to reach the sink without squishing my belly, etc, but last time pp was sooo hard.
I have a chronic illness with the unfortunate name Chronic Fatigue Syndrome(CFS) or Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome(CFIDS). It appears to be at least partly auto-immune; it goes into remission while I'm pregnant. When I was pregnant with ds, I was so sick barfing for a long time that I didn't notice the remission right away. Then I thought maybe I'd just finally gotten better. But as soon as he was born, I relapsed, hard. Partly because a defining characteristic of CFIDS is excercise intolerance and what's labor but serious excercise? and partly because I didn't really believe my lovely remission had gone away and so I kept pushing it. At least I'm warned this time.
It's hard right now, because I'm alternating between nesting energy and desires and that sleepy hibernating I'm-growing-a-baby feeling right now, and there's sooooo much to do and I keep thinking, well, it'll be easier to do that in a month or so, when the baby's born, things are settled, I'm not lumbering around.
But the truth is, I can get a lot more done now that I can when the CFIDS comes back. Pregnant, I can walk to the store and back (4 blocks each way) with ds, and it's fine. Not-pregnant, I can manage maybe half that, without groceries, and not do much else that day. It's hard to remember what kind of limitations are looming after 9 months of having them held at bay, at least somewhat.
So now, this last, slow, cumbersome week or two or three, is actually my last gasp of having a body that kind of works. But I just want to sleep.
And yeah, I have help - I'm "disabled" enough to have real difficulty being a full time anything, including mother. My mom and dad are my helpers - they help with childcare, and housecare, and house renovating. But I'm still dreading the loss of this lovely, lovely interlude of remission. Especially since the constant barfing ended a couple months ago.
Anyway - this post is more like a journal entry than anything else. I just don't feel like whining to anyone in person, you know? Thanks for reading...
- Sofia
: I know I shouldn't take them when pg but I was terrified to stop taking them. If you've experienced severe depression you understand the fears. I'm taking major steps this time to avoid PPD. I will not be making everyone else's life easier while I recover from this birth. I tend to do that. Always worrying about others. I'm giving myself three good months of no plans to speak of and just hanging out with my family and very close friends. I've planned for meals, child care help, I've given dh a list of things he can do to help, I'm not playing games this time. It was too awful before.
