HEEEEEELLLLPPP!! I'm done, DS is not ...

[jordmoder]

whoa, do I need some help and perspective. We have two DS, 5 and 2.75. DS#1 nursed until 27 months when my milk disappeared while pregnant ... (he regained nursing after DS 2 was born, and then weaned around 4) ok, but DS#2!!! Oh, right now he is sooooo mad at me because I won't nurse him around the clock ... we have 3 nursing times, morning, naptime and bedtime (we co-sleep and I give him soy milk during the night because he would nurse 3 times a night if he could) BUT I HAVE NO MILK!!! I never was a big producer, I did just break my ankle and am fairly stressed, but how do you tell a terribly angry 2 year old that the milk just isn't there??? He's hitting me, spitting in my face, getting in all my things (pulling out knitting needles that were in a project in a high place) dumping things on the floor .... he's really really pissed.

And I don't know what to do. My milk drying up is a sure sign to me that I'm really ready to stop, but my poor little guy must be confused or something, else why is he so mad????

Anyone have any ideas, I'm really at my wit's end.

DH isn't much help. He just says "well, wean him!"

thanks


Barbara, mama to Noah and the right now terribly two Nathaniel

[Mama2ABCD]

wow...you and your son are going through a rough time. how do you know you don't have milk (sorry if it's a stupid question, but there were times it seemed like i had none, when i had some). and are you pregnant?
i guess i would just try to nurse, hug him lots, and just keep explaining that lack of milk is not lack of love.

this won't go on forever. one day soon he'll be able to tell you exactly what his needs are without you having to guess.

the phrase around here is "bless your heart"

[DaryLLL]

Is there any way you could increase nursing for a while? Not sure why you have cut him back to 3x/day. When my ds was that age he was bfing 6-8x/day. More frequent nursing should stimulate your hormones to make more milk.

You might be too mad at him to consider this tho. I would not put up with hitting and spitting from a boy of almost 4 yrs of age.

Eso if you are staying off your feet b/c of the ankle. That might be why he is so insistent. Many moms that are trying to wean a toddler/preschooler can not sit down at all.

[TiredX2]

I would not put up with hitting and spitting from a boy of almost 4 yrs of age.

I think the boy in question is 2.75. Definately old enough to nurse respectfully, but ...

[DaryLLL]

Whoops, sorry. My mistake.

[stafl]

nursing isn't just about the milk. Even if you really have no more milk (which I highly doubt, unless you are pregnant), he still needs to nurse for other reasons. I think the behavior problems would solve themselves if you could somehow nurse him a little more often. I know with my almost-four DD, she gets very hard to deal with when she doesn't get to nurse often enough (but at her age and stage, that means about twice a week). I wouldn't even try telling him the milk just isn't there. But I would try to explain to him how Mommy hurt her ankle and needs to rest in order to heal. With my DD, whenever I push her away or try to limit nursing, that is when she gets super-clingy and wants to nurse constantly. When I let her decide when to nurse (I do sometimes set limits on how long she nurses, though), she is more confident and secure, and actually nurses less often!

[mother_sunshine]

Try not to see it as a battle of wills, or a battle over your body. Children are not manipulating us when they want to nurse, they really need to nurse. Honor that and I bet the problem will hugely improve.

[DaryLLL]

Drink a lot of water. Eat a piece of dark chocolate. Make him rub lotion into your hands when he is done! hehe

Above all, don't do dishes!

[jordmoder]

Thank you, all -

I think he really does need to nurse more often right now .... and even though it's not easy right now, I will be there for him, and I think the fighting will stop.

Barbara

[lexbeach]

Originally Posted by jordmoder

I think he really does need to nurse more often right now .... and even though it's not easy right now, I will be there for him, and I think the fighting will stop.

The same thing happened to us when I cut my boys back to nursing 5x a day. They were just miserable. It didn't seem worth it. I felt also like by only nursing my boys around sleep times (plus once mid-afternoon during meltdown time), I was missing out on a lot of the benefits of nursing a toddler (i.e. being able to nurse at the start of a tantrum, after a squabble over a toy, when waiting in line for too long, when having an important phone conversation, after a fall. . . the list goes on and on!). I still feel like my boys are nursing more than I'd like (they nurse upwards of 12 times a day most days), and we still have battles sometimes when I try to limit them, but for the most part things run a lot smoother when I just relax and go with the flow. . . (and your milk flow will definitely increase with more nursing, it doesn't matter how old your nursling is).

Hugs!