Nursing Battles All Day Long. . .

[lexbeach]

I feel like I'm drowning in nursing toddlers these days. I've realized that 85% of my struggles with my two boys (twins who will be 2 in a couple of weeks) are around nursing. All of the adults (including my wife) in my family tell me that my life would be so much easier if Luke and Jaz were weaned, and I am beginning to wonder if they're right.

I am planning on child led weaning from this point out (I did nightwean my boys at 18 months), and really need some support to stick with that plan.

While I am not trying to wean Luke and Jaz in any way, I do place some restrictions and limitations on the frequency and duration of their nursings. They probably nurse 12 times a day on average. The kind of nursing I don't like to do anymore is the nurse for ten minutes, play for five minutes, nurse for ten minutes, play for seven minutes, nurse for three minutes. . . you get the idea. Also, both boys need to nurse immediately whenever we get somewhere (be it a playgroup, park, relative's house, you name it), which is okay with me as long as it doesn't last longer than 10 minutes or so. After that I am uncomfortable (because the milk is virtually gone, and because tandem nursing two two-year-olds in public can be uncomfortable), and ask my boys to stop. This will sometimes cause them to start sobbing.

I try to distract them by playing with them, reading to them, taking them places (which, as you can see from what I said above, isn't much of a distraction). . . They will not be distracted. I don't understand why my guys seem so much more addicted to the boob than other toddlers (even clw nursing toddlers) I know. But it is draining me of my life energy.

I would love to continue nursing for as long as my boys want, but not at this intensity. Has anyone else experienced this? It is not just a phase my boys are entering into; they have nursed like this from the beginning, and especially since they were about 11 months old.

Also, I should add that when they are without me, they are happy, chipper, playful, delightful children. The moment I appear, they becoming crying, whining, messes. As my dw pointed out the other day, I "bring out the worst in them." I can't help but wonder if the nursing was no longer an issue, maybe they would be happy with me too??

Thanks for listening and any advice,

Lex

[Dreamer]

Hi Lex!

I just wanted to say that I don't think the behavior your describing is closely related to your nursing. I know that my son stopped nursing at 15mos and today at 4 years old, he still 'acts out' around me WAY more than when he's with anyone else...he cries more, he hangs on me more, he doesn't play independently when I'm around, he just plain old WANTS HIS MOMMY. He acts like this with me, and Luke & Jaz act like that with you because they know YOU are the number one source of comfort to them (not saying your wife isn't, but...)they are just so comfortable with you that they know they can act like that and you're still going to love them, ya know?

I just know that I heard the SAME THING from my family "If you'd just wean him, he wouldn't be so clingy and whiney when you're around"...I quit nursing when people were telling me these things & I can not tell you how many times I regretted not having my 'secret parenting weapon'...

To this day, when I go pick ds up from my parents house, he always starts getting rambunctious & silly & the first words out of my parents mouth is: "He *never* acts like this when you're not around"...

I highly doubt weaning them would be a positive move here.

Hope this helps!

(and can I say that you are ONE HELL OF A MOMMA!!...I don't see how you do it with two! GOOD JOB!)

Alayna

[mother_sunshine]

First of all,
You are one awesome mama to breastfeed twin 2 year-old boys!

Night-weaning usually leads to more nursing during the day, as I'm sure you've noticed. My dd was an intense nursling too. It does get easier. They will ease up in time, especially if you continue to meet their needs.

It also helps to stay calm when you are starting to feel worn-out (yoga breathing helps :LOL). I have a feeling maybe that is why they start getting whiny when you ask them to stop? Maybe stopping before you reach that threshold will help, then just be ready to nurse more often to make up for it. Children are so sensitive to our emotions, they can pick up on everything.

Originally Posted by lexbeach

Also, I should add that when they are without me, they are happy, chipper, playful, delightful children. The moment I appear, they becoming crying, whining, messes. As my dw pointed out the other day, I "bring out the worst in them." I can't help but wonder if the nursing was no longer an issue, maybe they would be happy with me too??

Being around Mom is the time when children can let out all their built-up frustrations and fears. They know you will comfort them through it. I don't believe for a second that weaning will make a child less clingy and whiny. Nursing helps comfort them and makes them feel secure all over again so they can go back out of brave the World, yk?

You're doing great.

[chfriend]

My 4 year old was really intense to nurse from 18 months to 2.5. And I have to say that if my dp had said I brought out the worst in dd during that time I'd have cried, stomped off and slammed a door or kitchen cabinet or something. My dd didn't take well to limiting nursing so after a while I surrendered. I held the line on lifting my shirt to expose the *other* breast. To do that I said we had to go to a private place. I wonder if you can nurse them in the car when you arrive somewhere. Then you're giving them what they're asking for (nursing on arrival) and not spending the first 10 minutes in a new place with your shirt up. Plus, they might nurse for a really short time because they want to get on with the activity.

I found I was perfectly happy to nurse my dd at home, but wanted a bit more privacy (yes, I've suggested we nurse in the bathroom) for my own personal comfort when we were out and about. She's not twins, but she's one heck of an acrobat.

WTG on nursing those cuties "so long." Two twos has got to be a wild ride!

[sewingbarbj]

My DD's a crazy nurser. She wants to nurse constantly day and night!. I am starting to ease her off night nurseing so I can get some much needed sleep but it is making her nurse more during the day. It can be realy hard but I remind my self that I will miss it when she does'nt want to any more!
My sympathy, some times it's just good to share .
Good luck

[lexbeach]

Thanks for your responses,

I am glad to know that you don't think weaning would change Luke and Jasper's tendency to meltdown around me more. I didn't think so either, but with everyone saying it all the time, I was beginning to feel like I wasn't so sure. Nightweaning didn't increase my guys' daytime nursing at all. . . I literally don't think it would be possible for them to increase the frequency of their nursing! But they did start drinking cow's milk during the day after night weaning to make up for the lost breastmilk at night. I think mostly the nursing isn't about food anymore because the milk slows to a drip after only a couple minutes of nursing (if that!), and they would still happily nurse for ten-fifteen minutes. If they're really hungry/thirsty, they pop off after the two minutes and say, "I want milk in a cup," but that only happens once or twice a day.

One other problem I have is that when we do end a nursing session (I generally say, "okay, I'm going to count to 10 and then we're going to be all done with nursing for right now. . . 1, 2, 3. . . " and they either hang on until 10, or probably 50% of time just pop off when I say "I'm going to count-"), and then I put my bra back on, and fix my shirt and get absorbed in what I'm doing. And then sometimes literally a minute later, the nursling will come back and plop into position in my lap, and without even thinking about it, I lift my shirt, unhook my bra, he latches on, and then I think, "Wait! What? How'd that happen?!" It is just so automatic for me, and I think it makes it really hard for the boys to know what the limits are. So I am trying to be more aware of always having the boys ASK to nurse, and then I say, "OK" and then they get into position and I lift my shirt. It's sort of funny because everyone is always saying, "when they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old to have it!" And here I am, waiting for the day when my boys will come up and say, "Mom, may I please nurse a little?"

I think probably the weather is contributing too, because I bet Luke and Jaz wouldn't nurse this much if we could be outside playing more. It's true that they won't be nursing this much in a couple of years, so I suppose I should try to enjoy it more while I still can.

Thanks for the support!