Advice on preparing for #2

[mommyofshmoo]

I'm not sure if this is the area to post this, but I have some very broad questions for you moms of more than 1 kid.

I'm expecting #2 in early August. The timing is sucky because my husband will have to be out of town a lot in Aug, and maybe Sept. His parents are available- but live 1.5 hrs away and work. My relationship with my mom is not very good right now and she lives far away, so she won't be much help.

DD goes preschool 9-12 M-F and I work 20 hrs per week now. I have to go back to work after 6 weeks- but it's only 20 hrs and I can work from home.

I could put my dd (who'll be three) in the full time program at her preschool and use that as a way to sleep during the day when baby naps. Does this sound like a good idea? Is it overkill?

Other thing I was thinking about is nursing. DD nurse 3-5 times per day now. It's often kinda irritating to my nipples because her latch is not great anymore. I am torn between cutting down to 1-2 nurses a day before baby comes and trying to wean entirely now. How do you that have nursed a toddler and a baby feel about it? How did it go for those that weaned?

I'm so scared of either dropping my dd like a hot potato when the baby comes, or resenting the new baby because s/he draws my attention away from #1. I guess I just can't imagine loving both kids this much, or how I will juggle it.

Anyway- thats very much for any advice and experiences.

Jennifer

[mamalisa]

Wow, it's like reading my own thoughts

I have a very good friend who just talked me down from this same feeling. She told me that everyone feels that way. She was scared and felt guilty to take away the charmed life her oldest lived before the baby. We talked about how much scarier the second one is, because you really know what it's like then You don't just know the bad stuff, like teething and colic, but you know how much you love them and can't imagine having enough love. She promises me it all works out


Dh and I were thinking about preschool for ds. More for him than for me. I know that for a while I won't be able to be his full time entertainment like I am now and it would be great for him to have something of his own that doesn't involve the baby.


I'll be back, I've got to run! Sorry!

[Linda KS]

I tandem nursed my DDs. When I was pregnant my older DD stopped nursing, but then she started again after her sister was born. I've heard that the milk changes during pregnancy and that it is not uncommon for a child to wean or cut way back on their own. When she started nursing again, I was happy to be able to tandem nurse because my older DD was very unhappy and I wanted to do whatever I could to help her. She never nursed very much or very long, I think she just wanted to know that she could. She weaned (again) on her about 6 months later. I have no regrets about tandem nursing.

The hardest time for me was bedtime. If I had it to do all over again I would get my older DD into a good bedtime routine BEFORE the new baby arrived.

Since you DH will be out of town and you don't have family around that can help, can you hire some household help? We were never meant to do all of this by ourselves.

I also would have my pantry and freezer stocked with easy things for my older DD and myself.

[mommyofshmoo]

I am starting to think about getting some household help. I think I'd rather have a nanny or au pair take care of the baby while I work than do day care. Day care for infants is like $1000 per month around here, and if you add the extra $2-300 to move my dd to full day preschool, it starts to approximate a 3/4 time nanny's salary.

The thing is, while we probably could swing getting a nanny or an au pair, it would be a huge expense for us. It would eat up some savings and reduce the recreational things we could do.

All I know is I always feel slammed as it is, with just one, being PG, working PT and with dh away a lot. Something's gotta give.

[raleigh_mom]

Can you find a compromise? A mother's helper to come in some afternoons? When DD2 was born, I needed help and ended up with a great babysitter who came several evenings each week for 2-3 hours for awhile.

Or p/t childcare during the week? I've started a job where I pick up a child from school and watch him a few days a week. Sounds like that kind of set up might be a help for you, too.

Either should be a lot cheaper than $1000/month, and offer flexible hours to fit your needs.

[Linda KS]

What about hiring someone part time -- a college student, for example. One of my friends was a part-time nanny in college. She worked 25 hours a week and really liked it. Plus if someone were watching the kids in your home it would make it much easier to BF.

My DH travels with his job and it was hard when both the kids were little. (It's no big deal now that they are big, so this is a temporary problem.) I think that at least for the first year of having 2 kids you should do what ever you can to make it easier for yourself.

[mommyofshmoo]

I think I'm realizing that I'm just going to have to bite the financial bullet and hire more household help- and soon.

I'm realizing that this is a temporary thing. By the time baby is 1, maddy will be in preschool all day, cuz she'll be 4. So if we dig into our savings for 12-18 months, it'll helop out just during this crunch.

[Jules411]

My dd1 weaned during my pregnancy with dd2 and dd2 weaned during my current pregnancy (baby due in July). It is a nice break before you start over again with a newborn and considering your dh is out of town a lot (my dh is currently traveling weekly for the next 3 months, so I know the added challenge there), you may want to find any break you can. I would suggest making any changes in your bf'ing schedule with your dd start now, so that she does not associate the weaning with the baby. I have never tandem nursed and I know from reading how mamas really enjoy it, but think about how you will feel when after the frequent nursings of a newborn, your dd climbs up to nurse. You may feel it helps you stay connected, it may make you feel more put upon. Only you can make that decision.

Adding a second can be easy in some respects but very hard in others and the fact that dh won't be there to support you as much makes the easy parts harder. I am really struggling with the traveling my dh is doing now. It does create stress in the family and you can feel very alone. I don't want to sound discouraging at all, just anything you can do that you think will help you, you should do! You need to take care of yourself, too.