Another therapist here (though actually a music
therapist). I see it as my professional role to bear witness to my client's stories and to help facilitate their journey toward the changes and growth that they
are looking for. I do not give advice or statistics or use research to back up my suggestions unless I feel the situation is urgent (usually involving someon'es safety) and/or I feel that is the language the client may most understand/be able to relate to.
Michelle, I second the suggestions that you and your Dh NOT see YOUR therapist for marriage counselling. You need to have clear boundaries in the therapeutic relationship and you should have a space where you can talk and explore, which your Dh is not a part of. It also sounds like HE needs to be seeking his own individual counselling, to acknowledge his own issues and responsibility. But I'm guessing that's unlikely to happen, and even if it were to, it sounds as if part of you has moved on beyond this relationship and doesn't have much hope for his changing. So, it sounds as if this is not so much about whether your therapist is a good one or not..rather that in your heart you are ready for a major change, but your very valid concerns about your daughter are what are holding you back.
It can be very scary to reach that place, a bit like hanging on a cliff edge; as well as trying to negotiate between what's best for you, your child, the whole family, etc. I don't believe there is one "rule" for what's best for a child, but they do deserve to grow up in an environment where the people taking care of them are respectful to one another. I also would be concerned for how your Dh's views of women are impacting your DD, especially when she hits adolescence, and how it is for her to see you clearly hurt and unhappy.
I wonder if your therapist can point you in the direction of any support groups for women/parents in similar situations or going through divorce where you migh be able to hear about other people's experiences?
Take care, you are on a tough journey