When dh & I got together we thought we would never have kids. Eventually, when I realized I had a deep desire to become a mother we decided we would have one. I think our decision was based on the fact that we couldn't imagine how we could ever handle more than one. Since we hadn't planned on having any...having one seemed like the logical choice. We had a very peaceful life, liked our sleep and meditating everyday...loved to travel blah blah blah. It just seemed like we could hold onto these things a little by having one but having two would REALLY blow our old life to bits. Also, we feel if we have kids we would want to send them to college and we didn't see how we could afford that with more than one child.
Anyway, at first, I was completely absorbed with ds and never thought about having another. I remember after I gave birth thinking...that was great but there's no way I'll ever do it again. I would say he was about a year old when
I began to question our choice. I can't say exactly what started it...but some
longing or doubt crept in. Then, a lot of my friends started getting pregnant
with their 2nd child. I began to feel envious of their big bellies. I
started to wonder what it would be like to have another...then I began to
OBSESS over what it would be like. Finally, I couldn't get my 2nd child out of
my head...I could actually FEEL the presence of another child in our life.
Other things that changed...over time I found myself surrendering to motherhood
more and more...and being less attached to the way things were. I noticed how
much my own interests and desires had changed. Suddenly spending money on
myself or having time to lay in bed and read didn't seem important anymore. I
couldn't believe that I had almost missed out on such a beautiful experience as
motherhood because I thought I couldn't give up something as silly as seeing a
movie whenever I felt like it. I didn't want to make that mistake when making
my decision to have another.
Another thing I realized...how FAST children grow. The period of time when
children are most demanding and exhausting is actually a very short time in our
lives. I realized that tho it would mean a crazy amount of work to have a 2nd
child now...that time would pass and I would regret it in the future if we
didn't have another.
As for college funds...we've been extremely blessed in that my wonderful father
has helped us set up a 529 for our son. We realized that we CAN afford to send
2 to college even though it may been being conservative in other ways. Its
worth it to me.
Ds having a sibling was not a convincing factor but it is something I think is
somewhat important. I don't believe that wanting a sibling for your child is
enough of a reason to have another in and of itself but I do think siblings
have a value in children's life. I got pregnant around ds's 2nd birthday. It is so wonderful to feel ds kiss my belly and talk about the baby. He is understanding a lot and is so excited. It is such a joy.
As for how its going...I can't answer that as my 2nd is not here yet. But I can
tell you it has been A LOT harder being pregnant the 2nd time...much more
exhausting. Then again, in other ways I feel more relaxed. I feel deeply in love with this baby already and that was an experience I didn't have w/ds until he after he was born. I think I just feel more aware and connected to the fact that there is a baby in there... I have less worries and fears which has allowed me to enjoy being more pregnant this time...
Now that we are doing it....I can't imagine NOT having a 2nd. We have no
illusions about what we are getting ourselves into...we know its crazy but its
very clear to us now that we are meant to have 2.
We ARE stopping at 2 tho....
) and I know it could wait some more.
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